[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- joe manganiello, host of msnbc's "way too early," journalist jonathan lemire,

comedian zarna garg. featuring the 8g band with queen cora coleman. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] and now, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." we hope you're doing well. and now if you don't mind, we're going to get to the news. president biden attended a campaign event today at his headquarters in delaware, and this is bad. even there, he's down four points. [ light laughter ] the third week of former president trump's criminal hush money trial kicked off today in new york, and you can tell the sketch artist is getting a little bored. [ laughter ] after south dakota governor kristi noem revealed in her upcoming memoir that she killed her puppy, an ally to former president trump said it's impossible for noem to be selected as trump's vice president. after all, they can't have her standing right next to an old yeller. [ laughter ]

we're going to land this "she killed a dog" plane soon. we're going to do one joke every monologue this week about how she killed a dog. judge juan merchan said today that he will allow former president trump to attend his son barron's high school graduation, but he drew the line at telling trump the name of the high school. [ laughter ] the biden administration recently announced a plan that would require all new cars to come with systems to avoid collisions with pedestrians, which explains why elon musk supports trump. [ laughter ] a cat was recently reunited with its family in utah after it was trapped in a box filled with amazon returns and shipped to california. said one family member, "all right, let's try etsy." [ laughter ] three zebras that escaped on a washington state highway over the weekend were recaptured by authorities and a rodeo clown, which i'm guessing is still not enough for that rodeo clown's parents to be proud of him. [ laughter ]

ahead of the kentucky derby on saturday, the fast food chain panera is selling a bread bowl-inspired hat, but you're going to want to wear it indoors. [ laughter ] today was national adopt a shelter pet day. not for you! [ laughter ] there we go. all right. we give ourselves tomorrow off. [ light laughter ] and finally, dave & buster's has announced it will allow customers over 18 years old to bet on arcade games. and if you want to gamble at chuck e. cheese, eat the pizza. and that was the monologue, everybody. we're off and running. [ cheers and applause ] we got a great show for you tonight. you know him from "true blood" and "magic mike." now he's the host of "deal or no deal island" on nbc and peacock. joe manganiello is back on the show, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] he is politico's white house bureau chief, a best-selling author, and the host of "way too early with jonathan lemire" on msnbc. our friend jonathan lemire is also joining us. [ cheers and applause ]

she is a very funny comedian who will be performing at the netflix is a joke festival in los angeles. she also hosts "the zarna garg family podcast." zarna garg is fantastic, and she's going to be here with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] check out "family trips" this week. we talk to bowen yang. it's a fantastic listen. he's a wonderful guy and very excited to have had him on the pod. you guys, moving on, if i may, there is something that has, well, there's no easy way to say it, has been bothering me. something i need to get off my chest. i was attending a function this past weekend, and i wasn't sure what to wear. it was one of those days where the temperature would flip from 40 degrees to 60 degrees over the course of an afternoon. 60 is, of course, too warm for a coat. 40 is too cold to go without. in my panic, i ended up grabbing a fleeced vest from the back of my closet, tossed it on, and headed out. and i just have to say this. vests are a [ bleep ] joke! [ laughter ] >> at this point in the broadcast, seth launched into a 60-second obscenity-laden rent about vests and how, in his opinion, they don't actually do anything at all.

network policy prevents us from broadcasting his comments, but due to a technical issue, we were forced to air this portion of the show. in short, seth believes that vests look stupid, don't regulate body temperature, and the only thing they're good for is identifying tech bros trying to sell you worthless cryptocurrency. he said that all a vest does is warm your torso, and when you've got a hot as [ bleep ] torso like mine, heat is the last thing you need. at this point, seth put one hand on his hip while wagging his other hand's index finger in the air while saying, "and don't even get me started on sweater vests." this prompted seth's security guard, jim, to say, "i was actually kind of hoping you would get started." [ laughter ] "really?" said seth. "yes, really," said jim. "i was excited to hear your fresh take." this made seth beam. many people would later note they had never seen seth look as happy as he did in that moment. "jim, you have no idea how glad i am that you want to know my thoughts on sweater vests. you see, what most people fail to understand about knitwear patterns, especially argyle, is --" at this point, seth's

voice was drowned out by a loud guffaw. the guffaw came from jim. [ light laughter ] "oh, god, he actually believed me," wheezed jim betwixt additional guffaws. "of course i don't want to hear about sweater vests, you [ bleep ] dork." [ laughter ] seth did not beam now. in fact, the look on his face was whatever the opposite of beaming is. he then pulled out a handwritten list titled "people i can still trust" and crossed out the name jim. [ light laughter ] it was the only name on the list that wasn't already crossed out. seth then collected himself. he called out to his stage manager. "hey, tom," he said, "can you test out a new design i'm working on?" "one step ahead of you," said tom, as he ripped the torso off of his shirt, leaving only the sleeves. [ laughter ] seth took a good look at tom and made him spin around. he couldn't help noticing his fit physique and said, "tom, you're in great shape for a 65-year-old man." to which tom replied, "i'm 22." [ laughter ] to which seth replied, "oh. you should probably see a doctor." seth then pontificated about how

there were many sartorial options better suited for unpredictable weather than the vest. one such being the cape. "capes are great," said seth. "in fact, i have my own life of capes debuting this summer in the nbc store." he then pulled out a cape from under his desk and put it on. then in what resembled an mlm-style sales pitch, he modeled the cape while outlining its many features, including wind resistance, gortex underlining, sex appeal, and a signature brand logo on the back. [ light laughter ] at this point, seth's cue card guy, wally, called out, "i can't believe you stole my idea." wally was also wearing a cape. "you snooze, you lose, bucko," said seth. "we'll see who snoozes and who loses," said wally, as he proceeded to give his own sales pitch, which ended with him saying, "if you buy one of wonder wally's crazy capes in the next 15 minutes, your order comes with a free wind machine." "who would want that?" said seth. "you tell me," replied wally. at this point, a wind machine turned on. [ laughter ] and for a few glorious seconds,

wally looked like as though he was flying through the air like some beautiful half man/half god. [ laughter and applause ] before the end of the night, every member of the audience had purchased one of wonder wally's crazy capes. before the end of the week, wally was a millionaire. before the end of the month, wally was dead broke, having given all of his money to a vest-clad crypto bro to invest in something called turdcoin. seth then went off on people who wear puffy vests, saying, "who do you think you are, marty mcfly?" just then, there was a bright bolt of lightning in the studio, and someone in a puffy vest appeared from a cloud of smoke. "seth, we got to go back." "marty mcfly?" said seth. "that's me. i just came from january 2025." "oh, no," replied seth. "is trump president again?" "no, mark wahlberg is. and it's all because of a joke you told about him in your monologue tonight. you got to go back and not tell that joke." "i didn't tell a joke about mark wahlberg in my monologue," said seth. this seemed to take marty mcfly by surprise. "you didn't?" "no.

did you even watch my monologue?" marty mcfly looked a bit sheepish and said, "i'm really more of a 'kimmel' guy." [ light laughter ] "kimmel's on an hour before me. you can watch both," said seth. "yeah. right. maybe i will sometime," said marty. "anyways, good chat. i got to go." marty then hopped on a citi bike and started to ride away. "wait a minute," said seth. "where's the delorean?" "your show doesn't have the budget for a delorean. this isn't 'jimmy kimmel live.'" he then pedaled away as fast as his legs could take him, back to the future. nbc would like to ask viewers to disregard seth's opinions about vests as they do not reflect the network's position and do not make any sense. we now resume our broadcast. >> seth: you know what i have to say about that? sleeve 'em alone! whoo! that felt good to get off my chest. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with joe manganiello. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: give it up for the fantastic 8g band, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] back with us on drums tonight, she's the d.j., leader of the queen cora orchestra, and drummer for two historic super bowl halftime shows with prince and beyoncé. check out her "drum throne" international magazine at drumthronemag.com and follow her on instagram @iamqueencora. queen cora is here. so happy -- >> good to be here. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: -- to have you with us, queen. you know our first guest from shows such as "true blood" and movies like "archenemy," "zack snyder's justice league," and the "magic mike" franchise. he hosts "deal or no deal island," which airs mondays on mn -- nb -- jesus. on nbc? is that what we're called? [ laughter ] is it now? are they going with nbc? that's what it is? [ laughter ] all right.

i don't know if it's going to stick. [ laughter ] it's available the next day on peacock. let's take a look. >> there are two different locations within the maze containing cases. low-value cases in one area, high-value cases in another. everyone has an important decision to make in terms of which case to go after. the high-value cases are the hardest to reach, which means -- >> oh, god. >> -- going for one of those puts you at greater risk of finishing last. >> last. ♪ [ sighs ] >> there are no more second chances. the last guest to emerge from the maze will be eliminated immediately. >> wow. >> oh, geez. >> seth: please welcome back to the show joe manganiello, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> seth: oh, my god. look so sharp! >> whew, thank you. peyman umay makes these great suits for me. >> seth: i feel like you're taking advantage of being off the island now. you can wear your proper suits. >> i'm not sweating through everything. i don't have to have four of everything. >> seth: yeah. so, this is "deal or no deal." we're all familiar with that show. >> yep. >> seth: howie mandel hosted. but now this is on an island. >> mm-hmm. >> seth: and it seems to have sort of the elements of a "survivor"-type show to it. >> that's right, yeah. actually, the entire crew from australian "survivor" came up and were our crew. but the show is also run by a man named matt kunitz, who created "fear factor." >> seth: okay. >> and then our story team is the all-star story team that did, like, 20 years of "big brother." >> seth: so it's a lot of the best of game shows and reality shows all put together on one island. >> all put together into one, with a bit of a -- like a, you know, depraved billionaire owns this island, invites 13 guests to his island in order to find his equal. >> seth: yeah. it is a real reminder, you know, when a billionaire invites you to an island, just think twice. >> it's -- [ laughter ] it's topical.

>> seth: it's topical right now. >> it's very topical. but there's -- >> seth: so, there are cases hidden all over the island. >> that's right. $200 million is hidden in briefcases all over the island. >> seth: see, you got to remember where you hide 'em. [ laughter ] >> me, for sure. >> seth: nbc, which is what they're now calling themselves -- they're -- [ laughter ] if you come back and you're like, "we lost some of the cases," that's going to be a bad scene. >> "joe, get back out there." >> seth: get back out there, yeah. >> go find that case, yeah. >> seth: and there's some familiar faces for people who like this kind of show. >> for people who like this kind of show, myself included -- i was a "survivor" junkie. and when i got to the island, they said, oh, you know, boston rob's flying in this morning. i said, "what's he doing here?" >> seth: yeah. >> they said, "no, he's one of the guests." i'm like, get out of here! you know. but of course i had to hide that because it's up to the players to reveal that or rob to reveal that or not. like i don't interfere. >> seth: so, you're just doing so much hiding >> all kinds of hiding. >> seth: you're hiding cases. you're hiding guests. it's just so -- >> a million -- >> seth: -- much hiding. >> yeah, and then claudia jordan, who people know from "real housewives," and also

she was one of the original briefcase girls -- >> seth: oh, really? >> in the original "deal or no deal." >> seth: get out of town. >> so, she's seen -- she's had the million dollar case a few times. she's seen so many deals go down. so, the two of them being there put targets on their back immediately. >> seth: gotcha. so did you -- was this something that you ever thought you would do, host a show like this? >> i had been offered hosting jobs before. but, you know, i come from that generation where it was tv or film. >> seth: sure. >> and then hbo happened, and it was like, okay, you can do tv. >> seth: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> you know? and then it was like you can only do commercials if they're in japan. and then it was like, no, no, no. now everybody's doing commercials in america. >> seth: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> and now, you know, for me, i mean i watched "survivor" like a junkie. like when i was on set or in some foreign country, it's always me and the dog, brushing my teeth, watching "survivor" episodes, you know? >> seth: yeah. >> and so, when they called me and explained the job to me, it was basically like, "do you want to be the next jeff probst?" and i was like, "of course i do. are you kidding? you don't know who you're talking to." >> seth: that's fantastic. >> so, i was really excited to

do this specifically. >> seth: obviously, we can tell from the clip, it is, you know, it's a beautiful island. but it's stressful for contestants on a show like this. everybody wants to win. money's at stake. do you actually get to enjoy the island at all because you're not a contestant? or because you're sort of so involved with the production of the show, it's just a full-time job? >> i'm very, very involved with the production. i work six-day weeks when i'm there. and on the seventh day, i'm usually like training, catching up, meeting with the story team, who hates who, getting all the tea. you know, who's teaming up with who. and you know -- >> seth: do you feel like -- you know, if you continue to do this show, do you think you could clock faster who hates who? like when you saw them, do you feel like now you'd be like, "oh, yeah, you're going to --" >> i'll tell you what, though, there was so many surprises. especially in the beginning. and not to give this away for anyone who hasn't binge watched it yet on peacock. but like there was a distinct villain over the first four episodes, and i could not believe who it was. i said, "what do you mean? that sweet person is the villain?" and they said, "you have no idea what's going on in camp." [ light laughter ]

so, no matter what you think, you're going to be shocked at kind of the -- >> seth: i'd be so bad at these because -- i'm just going to say it. i would be like, "i did come here to make friends." i feel like that's -- [ laughter ] >> that might be a good strategy, though. >> seth: that might be a good strategy. so, if you were going to do one of these reality shows as a competitor, do you think you'd be any good at it? >> i mean, yeah. i think i could win for sure. >> seth: really? >> yeah, i think i could win "survivor." well, you see, the trick about "survivor" is i'd be really good at getting everyone things to eat, catching the animals, catching the fish, climbing the trees. >> seth: uh-huh. >> winning the challenges. as soon as everyone merges and it's every person for themself, they're going to go right after me. so, i'd have to win immunity every time. >> seth: gotcha. >> but i will say, i did stand there looking at our game thinking, i would switch places with any of you right now. like i wanted -- i wanted to play. >> seth: oh, you wanted in? >> oh, i wanted in. >> seth: excellent. >> yeah, yeah. >> seth: do you feel that way like when you watch sports? because you played -- you were an athlete growing up. you still -- i mean, you still think like, i want in there? >> to a degree. i mean it was interesting. i was at the airport recently, and this woman came over.

the waitress came over and said, "you know, you're a lot smaller than i thought." [ light laughter ] and i went, i'm 6'5", 250. how big did you -- what did you think? i was 6'8", 280? i go, "what?" and she goes, "i don't know. i guess the camera adds pounds." >> seth: yeah. >> and my girlfriend said, "you know, he's bigger than most football players." and she said, "well, not travis kelce." she goes, "travis kelce is 6'5", 250." and it was like we got into this kind of standoff. >> seth: it's so funny to go up to the biggest guy in the airport and be like, "nah." [ laughter ] >> yeah, you look tiny. >> seth: can i tell you something exciting about me? not to make you feel bad. you know what i get all the time? "taller than i thought you'd be." and you know why? because i sit -- i'm only sat on television. so, people see me, they're like, "look at you. there's a whole bottom half." [ laughter ] >> next season, i'm going to have like a wheelchair or something. >> seth: yeah, yeah, yeah. that would really -- i think you should have a desk on the beach. i think that -- nobody does enough desks on the beach. >> you are eliminated. yeah. >> seth: yeah, exactly. and they just like stamp it. we talked in the past. both -- we share a couple

things. we share a birthday. >> oh, yeah. >> seth: and we're both huge pittsburgh steelers fans. >> yeah. [ scattered screams ] >> seth: look at that. >> yes! everybody like the draft? no? [ laughter ] it's like the best draft in years. >> seth: that was like a massively weird thing. they were so excited about the steelers, and then they had no reaction to the first follow-up. [ laughter ] >> i'm going to leave the questioning to you. >> seth: yeah, no. i was very happy with the draft. but i want to ask you this question. we've gone to games in pittsburgh. >> yep. >> seth: and there's a thing sometimes when they go, they go, hey, you know, you're sort of a fan, well-known fan. terrible towel twirl? have you done the terrible towel -- >> i've done it a bunch. >> seth: yeah. i think you'd be so much -- so this is -- you go out, and you whip the towel around. >> yeah. >> seth: and the crowd goes crazy. i just want to say i bet you're so much better at it than i was. [ light laughter ] i just think i don't -- like when i do this, i feel like people are like, "he's not supposed to be doing that." [ laughter ] >> right. >> seth: i bet you're just amazing. >> i don't want to like blow you up right now, but i usually do two. [ laughter ] >> seth: you do two towels at once? >> yeah, yeah.

>> seth: i said, "can i do two?" and they were like, "we don't think you've got the arm strength." [ laughter ] >> they're like, "show us one first." >> seth: show us one. and then, by the way, that was seven years ago. they've never asked again. >> i got to make a phone call. >> seth: oh, thank you so much. thanks for being here, buddy. congrats on the show. >> thanks, seth. >> seth: always a pleasure. >> go steelers. >> seth: go steelers. >> yeah, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: joe manganiello, everybody. "deal or no deal island" mondays at 10:00 p.m. on nbc and available the next day on peacock. we'll be right back with jonathan lemire. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (vo) you might be used to living with your albuterol asthma rescue inhaler, but it's a bit of a dinosaur, because it only treats your symptoms, not inflammation. treating both symptoms and inflammation with rescue is supported by asthma experts. finally, there's a modern way to treat symptoms and asthma attacks. airsupra is the first ever dual-action rescue inhaler that treats your asthma symptoms and helps prevent attacks.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest is a "new york times" best-selling author, politico's white house bureau chief, and the host of "way too early with jonathan lemire," which areas weekdays at 5:00 a.m. on msnbc. please welcome back to the show our friend jonathan lemire. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> seth: welcome back. it's so -- i'm always so flattered when you make time for us, considering you got to this building at what time? >> i walk in at about 4:30 every morning. >> seth: 4:30 a.m. >> after my alarm goes off about 3:15. uh, it is -- i splash some water on my face, try to consume some coffee, and then sail in,

because at that hour, seth, no traffic. >> seth: no traffic. >> no traffic whatsoever. >> seth: it might sound bad, but no traffic. >> no traffic, so everything else-- >> seth: and then it's basically you have, uh, what ends up being about a five-hour shift on tv because you do your show. then you stick around for "morning joe," and that is quite a gauntlet to run first thing in the morning, to be on camera for ultimately, you know, five hours. >> yeah, my legs go numb about halfway through. >> seth: yeah, that makes sense. >> yeah, uh, my show is "way too early." it's a way to bring the comprehensive but succinct news of the day. get everyone started to know what they need to know as they head out the door. and then, yeah, i'm flattered to have a perch on "morning joe" for the next four hours. joe and mika and willie have built an institution. >> seth: this is my -- i really enjoy this headline. "governor kristi noem stands by decision to kill her dog." [ light laughter ] >> yes. we cover the stories that really matter. >> seth: you cover the stories. well there was an eight-person, uh, talking head boxes about this one. >> we had complete team coverage. [ light laughter ] >> seth: complete team coverage. >> we -- we flooded the zone. >> seth: flooded the zone. >> to talk about the execution in a gravel pit. >> seth: it is very nice in this

day and age to have something that everybody agrees on, and it seems like democrats and republicans all sort of collectively agree that she maybe shouldn't have put in her book that she killed her dog. [ light laughter ] >> a rare bipartisan issue. >> seth: yes. [ light laughter ] >> where whether you're on the right or on the left, we agree that you, a, shouldn't execute your dog in a gravel pit. >> seth: yeah. >> and then, b, shouldn't boast about it in your book. [ light laughter ] >> seth: yeah. and you shouldn't tell people the name of the dog in the book, because cricket doesn't sound like a dog who deserves it. [ audience aws ] >> no. >> seth: yeah, see? >> and especially cricket, who was killed by the governor's own admission, because "too joyful." [ audience aws ] >> seth: yeah. >> too happy. wouldn't control himself during a hunt. >> seth: yeah. and there you go. it feels like everybody here is super happy we're still talking about it. [ laughter ] >> yes. i mean, we did it for five hours this morning, so what's one more now? >> seth: it does sometimes must feel like when you're on sort of an eight-person panel like this, and joe scarborough, who i always enjoy that he calls you

by your first and last name-- >> yes. >> seth: every single time. >> every time. >> seth: and sometimes he will have sort of, it feels like a comprehensive windup to the question. how -- how many words in edgewise do you feel like you get during that four-hour "morning joe" chunk? >> "comprehensive windup" is delicately put. >> seth: thank you. >> yes. i've been on the show every day for years, and it's still "jonathan lemire" every time. and, yes, and joe is -- i mean he is singularly talented. joe scarborough, remarkable at what he does. he'll be the first to admit he can be a little verbose, and sometimes he will start a question by calling out my name, jonathan lemire. the camera will cut to me. we'll be in a two-shot. seven minutes later, i'm still there working on my facial expression, trying to remember what he asked me before he winds up. >> seth: well, you do a very good job. both of you are very good at your jobs. he does -- he's a very good point guard. >> no doubt. >> seth: he runs the floor, uh, incredibly well. you went to columbia university. >> i did. >> seth: columbia university in the news right now. columbia university has a -- i feel is very proud of their history of student protests.

would you say that's accurate having gone there? >> no question. you know, when i was a student there, the only time we -- the only things we protested were just how bad the football team was. >> seth: mm-hmm. [ light laughter ] >> but on a -- but on a serious note, yes. i mean, during the vietnam war, columbia was sort of the epicenter of protests against that conflict. there have been a number of cases since, including an anti-apartheid protest in the 1980s. and we're seeing that again now. and certainly, let's be clear. there is a space for peaceful protest, and most of the students who are on campus are doing exactly that, protesting what they see in gaza and doing it peacefully, but not everyone. and there are some outside agitators involved too, and there's certainly no place for any kind of the hateful rhetoric and the violence that we've started to see. >> seth: there's also, uh, right now, there's a trial of a former president. you're aware. >> yes, i've heard. it's a -- >> seth: it has been -- mean it's obviously shocking that it's happening. but we're the beginning of week three. what is your -- what have you been most shocked by, or if there's anything specific? >> well, what i am most shocked

by is that, first of all, this is history. it's the first time a former president has stood criminal trial, and yet that's not enough to keep him awake. [ light laughter ] >> seth: yeah. >> because he has fallen asleep on a daily basis inside that courtroom. and then -- and today he was -- he was held in contempt. >> seth: yes. now, it was nine counts of contempt [ applause ] well, hold on. yes, yes, but he was -- before they get too excited, you want to tell them the -- tell them the total charges. >> so it was nine counts of contempt, for social media posts, that were deemed to have violated the gag order each count drew a fine of $1,000. and donald trump may not be as rich as he claims to be, but he can still afford that. >> seth: yeah. that's judge dr. evil, i think, was who fined him $1,000. >> what is noteworthy, though, is that the judge -- and there's another hearing about possible -- other possible gag order violations later this week. he has said the penalties could be escalatory, and he's not ruling out even a night or two in jail, but we're a long way from that. >> seth: yeah. so do you think that you

basically you have to lay down this base coat, if you are going to escalate? you have to -- especially because, you know, i mean it goes without saying that donald trump is going to attack the judge anytime he makes a ruling against, uh -- against him. so do you just want to say, "look, i'm being reasonable now. a thousand dollars, you know, a $9,000 fine, that is reasonable. we all know that's reasonable. but i also want to let you know that, you know, i have to draw the line somewhere." >> i think that's exactly right, and we've had legal experts on -- on the shows who have said that. that it's important for the judge to establish, like, look, we are going to treat you like any other defendant. we would have fined another defendant. we're going to do that with you as well and hope that he gets the message. if past is prologue, he won't. >> seth: yes. donald trump back in the day -- you obviously, i think anybody who lives in this city has experience with him, especially with being a reporter. he actually tried to -- or i believe he thought he was trying to help you out. >> yes. and i cover this story in my book. so i was a reporter at the "new york daily news." i was -- one of the tabloid papers here in the city. i was an intern. it was the summer of 2001, and i

was sent to get a quote from trump. he'd appeared at some random event. it didn't really matter, but we wanted to ask him about -- about something else. so i dutifully went. and there was a scrum afterward, at the end of the event, and he took a few -- he took a few questions. and i asked -- i was in the middle of asking whatever it was that i needed, and he looked at me. i suddenly realized he looked at me, and he looked next to me. and he was like, "hey." and hepointed at me, and he pointed to the young female reporter next to me and was like, "hey, are you two -- are you two together?" and i looked at her, a woman i had never seen before in my life. and i was like, "no, we're most certainly not." and he paused and went, "oh. well, you both have red hair, so i just assumed you guys were together." [ light laughter ] now, at that moment, i'm 21 years old. this is one of my first assignments. i'm an intern. i just started out. and my thought was, "does donald trump think couples come color-coded?" [ laughter ] and even then, i was like, wouldn't it make more sense if we were brother/sister if we both had red hair? so -- but i -- >> seth: see, that's it. he threw you off your game. >> i didn't voice that. yeah, he got away with it. and then the news conference

mercifully wraps up, and then afterwards, he -- he beckons me over. the other woman thankfully had left. and he was like, "you guys -- really, you aren't together?" i was like, "no, no." he's like, "but would you want to be? i can make that happen." [ laughter ] now, the follow-ups to this are, first of all, i never saw that woman again in my life. let me say hi to my wife right now. >> seth: yeah. >> and secondly, i did not take donald trump up on his matchmaking ability, which may be why, a couple of decades later, he called me a sleazebag, and later the most boring man on television. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> he held a grudge. >> seth: there you go. he held a grudge. absolutely. he's like, i tried to get two redheads together, and this guy drove a wedge between true love. >> yeah. so, i mean, i have had exactly zero second thoughts about that decision. >> seth: yeah, i think that's right. >> but it's, you know, now a good story to tell on a talk show. >> seth: hey, thanks so much for being here. it's always a pleasure. >> my pleasure. >> seth: you guys, that's jonathan lemire. [ cheers and applause ] "way too early with jonathan lemire" airs weekdays at 5:00 a.m. on msnbc. we'll be right back with zarna garg. [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: our next guest is a very funny comedian who will be performing at the netflix is a joke fest in los angeles may 6th through may 8th. she's also the host of "the zarna guard family podcast." please welcome to the show zarna garg, everybody.

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> seth: welcome to the show, zarna. >> thank you so much for having me. i'm so excited to be here. >> seth: i got to meet you. you were opening for tina and amy on their restless leg tour. you were so funny. i got to meet you backstage. here's a lovely photo of the two of us. you also celebrated a birthday backstage with this lovely group of people. how was it working with tina and amy? >> oh, i mean, first of all, you know i totally planned that whole birthday thing. >> seth: okay. >> it wasn't around that time, but i was like why not? >> seth: oh, so the time -- so you got the cake for yourself, not on your birthday? >> we just made it happen. >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> but tina and amy, great, amazing. you know, they're the ogs of comedy. >> seth: yeah. >> it was so fun working with them.

they're so warm and inviting. but here's the thing. like, a lot of times we would hang out backstage, and i kind of had to pretend like i knew what i was talking about. because i didn't grow up watching "snl." >> seth: sure. >> like saturday nights were for studying. [ laughter ] i mean, i'm indian. we don't believe in fun. >> seth: right, right, right. [ laughter ] >> it's not what we do. >> seth: uh-huh. >> so they would turn to me and say things like, "you know steve, right?" and i would be like, "steve, my son's chess tutor? [ laughter ] steve jobs? stephen hawking?" you know, my mind would be racing, and they would -- i knew. then i was -- "oh, steve martin." >> seth: yeah, that's their steve. >> that's their steve. and do you know that steve martin, he's a big deal. >> seth: yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] that's good you know that now. >> yeah, i do. >> seth: we both do podcasts with our family. i do it with my brother, but you do the whole family. >> yes. >> seth: how does your family

feel about being on a podcast, and in general the way you tell a lot of jokes about your family? >> well, here's the thing. i realized one day, i was like, "why am i the only one working?" >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> do you know what i mean? i was like, put 'em to work. >> seth: yeah. >> and they're a good-looking bunch. wouldn't you say? >> seth: they are a very handsome family. >> put all those cheekbones to work. >> seth: yeah. and you know they say when you're good-looking, do a podcast. [ laughter ] how do they feel about -- how does your husband feel about you talking about -- >> listen, what we've learned is that the world loves listening to us, watching us bicker, talk about all our family problems. we kind of talk about things that are secret in our community. >> seth: mm-hmm. >> like my husband losing his job, or, you know, my guilt at being a working mom, which i don't really have it but for the podcast. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, yeah, yeah. you have to like pretend. >> you know how it goes. >> seth: yeah, yeah. >> yeah. but they love it. the kids love it.

you know, everybody seems to enjoy it. and i love your podcast. >> seth: oh, thank you. >> i love it. i mean we don't really take vacations. >> seth: uh-huh. >> because, again, we're indian. >> seth: okay. [ light laughter ] >> but we understand. you're a white person, so -- >> seth: thank you. [ light laughter ] >> we love watching, you know. >> seth: you love hearing about our travels. >> yeah. >> seth: that's so sweet of you. >> sometimes i steal the stories, also. >> seth: oh, gotcha. >> sometimes i -- i'll pretend. >> seth: do you feel like you're -- sometimes maybe listening to your podcast, it feels like maybe you're not outwardly affectionate to your husband. do you feel like that's accurate? >> oh, um, well -- [ light laughter ] we just celebrated 25 years being together. >> seth: congratulations. >> right? [ cheers and applause ] thank you! see, this is why i love my american audience. [ light laughter ] because here in america, if you're not divorced, you're a hero. [ laughter ] >> seth: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> if i had said the same thing back home in india, i've been married 25 years, they would be like, what do you want, a participation trophy? [ laughter ]

but i'm not -- i've never said "i love you" to my husband. that's not something we do. >> seth: mm-hmm. >> not to him anyway. ljlj that came out wrong. maybe to the kids, maybe someday. >> seth: okay, one day. >> one day. >> seth: if they make you -- if they earn it. >> yeah, i mean, the big secret to the success of my marriage is that we don't communicate. >> seth: uh-huh. [ laughter ] >> no, really. all my friends who, like to communicate, they're all communicating with their divorce lawyers. [ laughter ] so we keep it very simple. >> seth: do you show -- is there any way you show affection to your husband? >> yes, of course. just because i don't say "i love you, i love you --" because, you know, in america everywhere you go, "i love you." uber driver, "i love you." >> seth: yeah. [ laughter ] >> duane reade guy gives you a bag, "i really love you." relax. i don't say it, but i show him my love. >> seth: oh, that's sweet. >> i check all his emails for him. [ laughter ] no, i replace all his loser friends with my friends. [ laughter ] and just for your audience

today, i'm going to give you a pro-grade tip. >> seth: pro-grade? >> yeah, it's pro-grade because i've like researched this. >> seth: okay. >> nothing naughty is happening over email any more. >> seth: really? >> yes. all of it has moved to linkedin dms. >> seth: no! [ laughter ] that's where the shady stuff is happening? >> yes. and how do i know this? one day my husband fell asleep with his laptop open. >> seth: uh-huh. >> now, first of all, if it's already open, then it's not my fault if i see something. >> seth: right. [ light laughter ] >> right? >> seth: absolutely. >> and i was just cleaning it, wiping it clean, making it nice for him. >> seth: okay. >> and his link -- yeah. [ laughter ] and his linkedin dms popped up. >> seth: okay. >> and there was a message. >> seth: what did it say? >> from one of his work colleagues, angelie. >> seth: okay. >> she's like, "hey, shalabh, congrats on the new job. we should catch up." [ laughter ] i said, "let me just take care of this for him." >> seth: mm-hmm. >> and i just wrote her back.

i said, "no need to catch up. he's dead." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: so sweet. you are sweet. we - we have something in common in our acts. we both -- and i should note i'm a big fan of my mother-in-law, but i have told a few stories about her. you've told a few about yours. how was that met -- how was that embraced in indian culture? >> well, the truth is that when i first started doing comedy, i didn't tell her i was doing it. >> seth: okay. >> but her bitchy friends -- [ laughter ] -- follow me on social media, and they run and go report me to her. >> seth: oh, no. >> so she called me, and she goes, "is it true you make jokes about me?" i was like, "kind of." you know, downplayed it. >> seth: sure, sure. >> and then she's like, "you make money doing this?" i said, "sort of." and then she got really quiet. so i got nervous. i was like, "are you upset with me? do you want me to stop?" and she said, "if it makes money, you tell people that your

father-in-law has only one testicle." [ laughter and applause ] >> seth: that's so kind of her. >> yeah. >> seth: you have a new -- you're touring with a new show called "practical people win." >> yes. >> seth: tell us the -- i mean, that seems like it's explaining itself, but what's the idea behind it? >> well, first of all, thank you for bringing it up. i was so not prepared to talk about this. [ laughter ] but i am touring with my show, "practical people win." tickets available on my website. and this show is very, very simple. it gives people all the secrets on how to live a successful life despite all the nonsense that's going on in the world right now. you know, because there's so much going on, and i think somebody needs to say the most basic things. like, you know, you -- you heard this phrase, "think outside the box"? >> seth: yeah. >> yeah? i'm not a fan of that phrase. >> seth: okay. what's the problem? >> personally, i like the box. >> seth: okay. >> everybody stay in the box. [ light laughter ]

staying in the box is how we became the people who produced doctors, engineers, ceos. you know how many ceos are indian in this country right now? >> seth: how many? >> lots. lots and lots. google, microsoft, ibm. you can name so many of them. and, like, the indian ceo is like the new labradoodle. >> seth: okay. [ light laughter ] >> everybody wants one. >> seth: everybody wants one. >> everybody wants one. it's a thing. like the spot opens up, and they're like -- but somebody needs to say it because in america, they tell the kids, "you can be anything you want to be." and here's the thing. i'm happy to tell somebody that your 5'6" kid is not going to play for the knicks. >> seth: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> right? but he could become a statistician for the knicks, and they also get free tickets. >> seth: that's not bad. that's not bad. >> right? >> seth: you have -- is it true that you have an issue with children's books? because you know i wrote one. >> yes, i know you wrote one,

and i liked your book. i really did. it's about the bear that's scared to make friends and all of that. >> seth: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> i like the book, but you really didn't have to go to so much trouble. i could have fixed this bear's problem very quickly. if he just joined doctors without borders, he would have a lot of friends. >> seth: okay. >> but i do have a problem with children's books today because children's books in america all tell the kids the same thing -- "if you dream it, you can become it." if you imagine it, you are it." what even is "it"? >> seth: yeah. >> right? not a single children's book in america tells kids to shut up and study. [ laughter ] you have kids, right? >> seth: yeah, i have two boys and a girl. >> two boys? well done, seth. [ laughter ] [ applause ] the one girl you can't feel bad about because every family gets a challenge, you know.

>> seth: yeah. >> but these kids, they need to hear it. you know what i mean? >> seth: you have a poem, a very helpful poem. >> well, you know, i wasn't going to do this, but because i love your show so much, i'm going to make this a world exclusive right here just for you. >> seth: you're going to share a poem you've never shared? >> i'm going to share a poem. i was saving it because i'm writing the first ever practical parents guide to parenting. >> seth: okay. >> and my book is called "it's never too late to take the mcats." >> seth: okay. [ laughter ] >> would you like to hear a snippet? >> seth: i would love to hear a snippet. >> okay, thank you. just one second. >> seth: okay. you brought this -- >> this is an indian anti-pocket. i have it. >> seth: okay. >> i have it. okay. here it goes. are you ready for this? >> seth: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> okay. "people tell their kids they can be policemen, firemen, cowboys, or astronauts. all dangerous jobs that don't pay a lot. [ light laughter ] we make our kids study and focus on the practical. science, technology,

engineering, mathematical. dreams of going to mars won't get them a scholarship. but you know what will? designing that rocket ship. in reality, you can't be anything you want. that's just the facts. but here is the good news. it's never too late to take the mcats." [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: thank you. zarna garg, everyone. for tickets to her tour, go to zarnagarg.com. we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ believe it or not baby... at university of phoenix... you... you... you... you could earn your... master's... [ gasp ] for under 11 thousand! 11... yes! 11! master's degree for under 11k in less than a year.

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♪ >> announcer: come join the audience at "late night" live in studio 8g. for tickets, head over to latenightsethtickets.com. follow us @latenightseth on all social media platforms. subscribe to late night seth on youtube. find us online at latenightseth.com. and subscribe to the "late night podcast," featuring "a closer look," guest interviews, and more. available wherever you listen to podcasts. ♪ it's a beautiful... ...day to fly. wooooo!

[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: i want to thank my guests, joe manganiello, jonathan lemire, zarna garg, everyone! queen cora and the 8g band. thanks for watching, everybody. we love you. [ cheers and applause ] ♪