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Falstaff's  Wedding  : 


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Falstaff's  Wedding 


3 


COMEDY. 

BEING 

A  Sequel  to  the  Secone>  Part  of  the  Play 
OF 

fUNG  HENRY   THE   FOURTH, 

Written  in  Imitation  of  Shakespeare, 
By  Mr.    KENRICK, 

In  magnh  voluijfe  fat  eft. 


LONDON: 

Printed  for  J.  Wilkie,  in  St.  Paul's  Church-yard  ;  F.  Blyth, 
at  John's  CofFee-houfe  near  the  Royal  Exchange ;  T.  Lowndes, 
and  W.  Owen,  in  Fleet-ftreet ;  Becket  and  De  Hondt,  in 
the  Strand  ;  T.  Lewis,  in  RufTel-flreet,  Covent  Garden ; 
J.  Walter,  at  Charing-Crofs ;  and  J.  Almon,  in  Picca- 
dilly, oppofite  Burlington-Houfe. 

M.DCC.LX. 


ni3 


TOM1    QJUIN, 

IN  RETURN  FOR  THE  FREQUENT  PLEASURE  RECEIVED, 
BY  HIS  REPRESENTATION  OF  THE  CHARACTER 

OF    SIR   JOHN  FALSTAFF; 

A  PLEASURE  WHOSE   REMEMBRANCE   IS   AS  GRATEFUL 
AS  SUCH  REMEMBRANCE  IS  INDELIBLE ; 

THIS  ATTEMPT, 

TO  COPY  THE  GREAT  ORIGINAL 

WHICH  HE  EXHIBITED    ON  THE  STAGE, 

IS  INSCRIBED, 

AS  AN  IMPERFECT  TRIBUTE  TO  PERFECT  MERIT, 


BY  THE  AUTHOR. 


■     ■  '  ' .  '  ■  ■■  ■ 

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THE 

PREFACE. 

•$-$"$•$-$-  H  E  remarkable  ill  fucccfs  of  preceding 
■4-  T  -6-  imitators  of  Shakefpeare*,  would  certainly 
ti^|  have  deterred  the  prefent  writer  from  re- 
newing the  attempt,  were  he  to  be  eafily  diverted 
from  a  favourite  object  by  the  difficulties  attending 
its  purfuit.  But,  having  long  fince  adopted  the  Motto* 
In  magnis  'uoluijje  fat  eft,  the  arduoufnefs  of  the  task 
is  only  an  additional  incentive  to  his  perfeverance. 

As  to  the  prefent  performance,  however,  it  muft,  not 
be  fuppofed  that  he  prefumes  to  think  it  will  in  the 
fmalleft  degree  contribute  to  deprive  his  great  matter  of 
that  honour,  which  is  fo  juftly  and  peculiarly  his  due  -3 
viz.  that  of  being  truly  inimitable.  Had  there  been 
the  leaft  room,  indeed,  for  fufpecting  the  author  of 
fuch  a  defign,  the  profound  reverence  and  efteem 
which  he  bears  to  the  memory  of  Shakespeare, 
would  have  induced  him  rather  to  commit  his  ma- 
nufcript  to  the  flames  than  to  the  prefs :  for,  how- 
ever roughly  he  may  have  cropt  the  bays,  which  have 

*  A  very  eminent  writer  hath  feverely  ridiculed  thefe  imitations, 
by  faying  that  the  beft  he  ever  faw,  had  copied  Shakefpeare  only  in 
the  following  line. 

And  fo  good  mcrrew  to  you,  good  majifr  lieutenant. 

A  2  been 


v  The     PREFACE. 

been  proftituted  to  grace  the  temples  of  the  living,  he 
will  never  deface,  with  unhallowed  hands,  the  lau- 
relled buffs  of  the  dead. 

on  3R0 

The  truth  is,  this  little  piece  was  a  juvenile  per- 
formance, written  fo  long  ago  as  the  year  175  J,  when 
the  author  was  young  and  giddy  enough  to  amufe 
himfelf  in  a  (luffed  doublet,  before  a  private  audience> 
with  an  attempt  at  a  perfonal  reprefentation  of  the  hu- 
mours of  Sir  John  FalftafF.  How  he  performed  his 
part  was  then,  and  is  now,  of  no  confequence  j  how 
far  he  might  enter  into  the  fpirit  of  his  author,  may 
poffibly  be  gathered  from  a  perufal  of  the  following 
fheets,  containing  the  refult  of  thofe  impreffions> 
which  the  finking  excellencies  of  the  character  then 
left  on  his  mind. 

fd-girr. 

Were  the  author  poiTefled  of  that  ridiculous  mock- 
modefty,  on  which  it  is  the  famion  for  modern  au- 
thors to  pique  themfelves,  he  might  affect  to  treat 
this  work  as  the  paultry  jeu  d'efprit  of  his  boyilh, 
days,  unworthy  of  his  prefent  notice,,  or  that  of  the 
publick.  But,  if  he  really  thought  it  fo,  he  would 
have  acted  otherwife  with  regard  to  its  publication : 
for  though  he  mould  be  forty  the  prefent  object 
of  his  fludies  were  not  more  ufefui  and  important, 
yet  he  mull  frankly  own  that,if  he  was  afliamed  of  hav- 
ing written  this  little  performance,  he  mould  be  equally 
afliamed  of  offering  it  to  the  publick.  An  hour's  en- 
tertainment,, for  a  reader  of  tafie  and  judgment,  is 
not  always  at  hand,   much  lefs  concomitant  with  no- 

velff 


The     PREFAC  E.  v 

velty.  If  the  writer,  therefore,  by  having  agree- 
ably arnufeet  himfelf  a  few  days,  may  contribute  to 
one  hour's  amufement  of  fuch  a  reader,  it  is  the 
utmoft  he  expects  or  delires  from  this  publication. 

It  is  prefumed,  alfo,  that  his  favourable  opinion 
of  it,  will  not  be  thought  altogether  founded  on 
felf-fufficiency,  when  the  reader  is  informed  that 
one  of  the  beft  judges  of  Shakefpeare  now  living, 
has  declared  it  to  contain  cc  a  very  good  imitation 
<{    of    Shakefpeare,  particularly  in  the  character  of 

«  Falftaff." 

onivA  • 

This  was  Mr.  Garrick  -,  whofe  letter  now  lies  be- 
fore me — not  a  letter  written  to  the  author  (for 
in  this  polite  and  complimenting  age  fuch  teftimony 
might  juftly  be  deemed  equivocal)  but  a  letter 
written  on  this  fubjecl:  above  fix  years  ago,  to  one  of 
Mr.  G's  acquaintance,  whom  the  author  neither 
knows,  nor  hath  ever  feen  -j~.  -  ' 

Several  of  the  writer's  friends,  indeed,  have  con- 
ceived this  piece  might  be  brought  with  fuccefs  on 
the  itage;  for  which,  however,  it  never  was  plan- 
ned nor  intended  *  j  having  been  written  as  a  kind  of 

3  poetical 

f  R.  B.  £fq;  as  the  author  was  informed  by  capt.  M — — ,  who 
gave  him  Mr.  G's  letter. 

*  The  author  being  (o  far  of  opinion  with  Dr.  Johnfon,  that, 
notwith Handing  the  many  excellencies  with  which  Shakefpeare's: 
plays  abound,  there  is  not  one  of  them  perhaps,  which,  if  we  take 
it  all  together,  would  go  down  with  an  audience,  if  reprefented  a** 
a. new  performance. — Mr.  Garrick  appeared  alio  to  be  of  the  fame 
s  .  •  opinion  j 


Ti  The     PRE  FACE. 

poetical  exercife,  which  the  author  had  prefcribed  to 
himfelf,  and  of  which  he  was  by  no  means  vain  . 
well  knowing  that  an  indifferent  writer  may  iome- 

times  be  lucky  in  his  imitation  of  the  beft. 

.    .  i 

That  he  was  fincere  in  thefe  fentiments,  he  thinks 
fufficiently  evinced  by  keeping  his  piece  in  manu- 
fcript  nine  years,  and  even  permitting  it  to  re- 
main fix  years  in  the  bookfeller's  warehoufe  after  if 
was  printed.  Nor  would  it  even  now  have  made  ft 
appearance,  might  it  not  ferve  in  fome  meafure  to 
corroborate  what  the  author  hath  elfewhere  affeftedi 
with  regard  to  his  Review  of  Dr.  John/on  s  Shake- 
Jfieare,  viz.  that  that  editor  muft  impute  the  fevere 
chaftifement  he  hath  received,  not  to  any  r motives'  of 
perfdnal  refentment  againit  him,  but  to  an  ?rithu- 
fiaftic  veneration  for  Shakefpeare,  long  ago  enkindled 

and  ftill  glowing;  with  unremitted  ardour. 
Sasoaingrfj  °  rtJsd  i9j 

To  clofe  with  a  word  or  two  to  the  critics.  The 
author  forefaw  that  thefe  mice  would  neceffaiily  bfe 
nibbling;  he  hath  therefore,  purpofely  left  fome 
rotten  holes  in  the  cheefe,  that  the  poor  little  ani- 
mals may  be  kept  doing  j  for,  coniidering  them  as 
real  objects  of  pity,  he  would  by  no  means  have 
them  ftarve  for  want  of  employment. 

opinion;  obferving  in  his  letter  abovementioned,  that  there  would 
be  fomerifque  in  bringing  onfo  many  of  Shakefpeare's  known  cha- 
jaclers  in  a  new  piece. — It  is  on  this  circumftance,  however,  that 
the  merit  of  the  imitation  in  a  great  degree  depends  ;  fo  that  to 
have  altered  it  for  the  ftage  would  have  in  a  great  meafure  perverted 
the  defign  of  writing  it. 

He 


e    F  REFAC  E.  vii 

He  would  not  have  them  plume  themfelves,  how- 
«ver,  fo  immoderately  as  they  fometimes  do,  on- their, 
prowefs  and  penetration,  at  the  cafual  detection  of  a 
maggot  or  the  incidental  deftruction  of  a  mite. 

The  reader  may  poffibly  think  it  a  fault  that  the 
author  hath  in  fome  places  copied  the  blemifhes  of 
Shakefpeare ;  but  if  he  hath  fucceeded  in  any  degree 
in  hitting  off  his  beauties,  he  hopes  he  fhall  ftand 
excufed,  even  fuppofing  him  miftaken  in  conceiving 
fuch  blemifhes  necefiary  to  preferve  the  fimilitude  of 
the  imitation.  What  limner,  who  piques  himfelf  on 
drawing  an  exact  likenefs,  would  omit  a  diffinguifh- 
ing  mole  or  freckle,  tho' not  altogether  agreeable  to 
the  fight,  or  compatible  with  fymmetry  and  beauty  ? 

'But,  if,  after  all,  the  publick  mould  think  the  wri- 
ter hath  thrown  his  time  away  upon  an  infignificant 
Subject,  I  protefl  againft  their  prefent  decifion,  and 
appeal— to  the  fame  public,  when  lefs  intoxicated  witb 
the  fumes  of  modern  criticifm,  and  better  difpofed  to 
do  iuflice  to  the  immortal  genius  of  Shakespeare. 

..'       -  '     . 

0gft.    I,      I766. 


• 


.?-■ 


bfuow  3i9i!j    .    .         ioi:  .'  , 

»sib  nwon  : 

tlgftsb  3ffe 


i../ 


DRAMATIS    PERSON!, 

King  Henry  the  Fifth. 

^■Gloucester,  •* 
Dukes  of  .5 Bedford,        (Brothers  to  the  King, 
CClarence,      J 

Dukes  of  |  J°ERTK£'R5  ^Uncles  to  the  King, 

Archbifhop  of  Canterbury, 
The  Pope's  Legate. 
Lord  Scroop  of  Masham. 
The  Earl  of  Cambridge. 
Sir  Thomas  Grey. 
Sir  John  Falstaff. 
Juftice  Shallow. 
Mafter  Slender. 
Pleadwell,  a  Lawyer. 
Mithridate,  a  Doctor. 

Fathers<  T  AUL'  f  two  Friars. 

^Lawrence, 5 

Bardolph. 

Pistol. 

Peto, 

Francis. 

Dame  Ursula,  afterwards  Lady  Falstaff. 

Eleanor  Poins,  quondam  Miftrefs  to  the  King. 
Hoftefs  Quickley. 
Dol  Tearsheet. 

Bifhops,  Lords,  Officer,  Page,  Guards,  and  Attendants, 


WVvVvVvVVvVv) 


FALSTAFF's   WEDDING, 


■  A  C  T    I.      §  C  E  N  E    I. 

A  Street  in  Westminster, 
<■-,...-.  - 

On  the  Day  of  the  Coronation  of  King  Henry  the  Fifth, 

Enter  Sir  John  Falstaff,  folns* 

FSR?I^  H  A  T  a  fcurvy  quarter  is  this  ?  Not  a  bufh, 
^sl  3o£.  ^  or  a  blind  Cupid,  in  the  neighbourhood ! 
y^v  W  Jf^  'fblood,  my  legs  will  fail  me  e're  I  reach  a 
13$  IF*"  m  taVem*  phoo—Pno°— lt  is  fome  comfort, 
V&jF^j?3eJl(  however,  I  efcap'd  being  fuffocated.  The 
-.  green-apron'd  rafcals,   crowding  after  the 

jjroceffion,  had  well  nigh  made  an  end  of  me; 

SCENE     III 
Enter  Bardolph. 

Bar.  O,  Sir  John,  I'm  glad  I  have  found  ye.  I  was 
in  the  fearfulleft  quandary  for  you  in  the  world.  I  hope 
your  honour  has  got  no  hurt. 

Fal.  Not  its  death's  wound,  I  hope  ;  though  Hal,  in- 
deed, look'd  fomewhat  cold  upon  me. 

Bar.  Cold,  Sir  John!  I  am  a-fear'd  we  mail  be  in 
limbo  fhortly  :  for  my  Lord-chief-juftice 

Fal.  Hold  thy  ill-omen'd  croaking.  If  faithful  fer- 
vices  are  thus  requited,  I  will  turn  cordwainer  ;  yea,  cob- 
ler,  and  heel-piece  old  fhoes,  ere  I  have  to-do  with  blood- 
royal  again.     Ingratitude  !  I  hate  it. 

Bar,  To  be  fure,  Sir  John,  what  you  fay  is  right ;  for* 
as  the  long  fays,  ingratitude  is  worfe  than  the  fin  of  witch^ 
craft.     But  I  hop'd  your  honour  got  no  perfonable  harm 

B  iri 


2  FALSTAFF's  WEDDING. 

in  the  mob':  you- was  carried  off  the  terras,  for  all  the 
world,  like  a  dnnghil  from  Mill-bank  by  a  fpring-tide. 

Fal.  Bardolph,  thou  haft  the  moll  filthy  way  of  making 
comparifons ;  the  moll  villainous  firmles.  Let  me  have 
no  more  of  them. 

Bar.  Why,  they  fay,  indeed,  comparifons  are  odorous 
Sir  John. 

Fal.  Thine,  however,  are  unfavoury  enough.  But  I 
am  ill  at  eafe,  and  more  difpos'd  to  fpleen  than  merriment. 
I  prythee,  look  out,  and  lee  if  there  be  a  bawdy-houfe  at 
hand. 

Bar.  What  here,  fo  near  the  court,  Sir  John  ? 

Fal.  W"here  better  ?  'Sblood,  doft  think  there  are  no 
whores  at  Court  ?  Are  there  no  dames  of  honour  ?  Dofb 
think  Hal  hath  bamfn'd  them  too  ?  Look  out,  look  out. 

Bar.  I  will,  Sir  John.  [Exit  Bardolph. 

SCENE     III. 

Sir  John  Fal  staff,  folus. 

I  would  I  were  in  Eaft-cheap.  Mine  hoftefs  hath  a  moil 
excellent  cordial ;  and  I  never  flood  in  more  need  of  it 
than  now.  I  he  grofs  indignity  Hal  hath  put  on  me,  flicks 
in  my  throat ;  and,  in  the  end,  may  go  near  to  choak  me. 
I  mall  never  gulp  it  down  :  that's  fiat :  unlefs,  indeed, 
a  full  cup  of  fherris  help  to  clear  the  way.  And  then, 
how  I  lhall  ftomach  it ;  how  I  mall  digeft  it,  heaven 
knows."  At  prefent,  both  my  perfon  and  knighthood  are 
in  jeopardy  •,  my  Lord-chief-juilice,  to  whole  care  I  am 
commended,  holding  me  not  altogether  in  good  liking. 
But  no  matter — if  I  am  to  be  provided  for,  what  avails  it 
who  is  my  caterer  ?  I  could  wilh,  neverthelefs,  old  white 
wine  flood  higher  in  his  Lordfhip's  favour  ;  that  I  may  not 
be  Hinted  at  table,,  or  in  my  by-drinkings.  I  like  not  fuch 
fplenetick  temperaments ;  fuch  phlegmatick  conflitutions ; 
grey-beards,  that  never  fympathize  with  the  wants  of 
young  men,  or  make  proper  ail  wances  for  their  continual 

wafte  of  radical  moifture. 'Sblood,  I  am  as  fore  and  as 

melancholy  as  a  blind  horfe  in  a  mill. Bardolph  !  where 

a  plague  art  thou  gotten  to,  caterwauling  ? 

SCENE 


FALSTAFF's  WEDDING;  3 

SCENE     IV. 
Enter  Mrs.  Quickly  and  Doll  Tearsheet. 

Quick.  O,  Sir  John  Falftaff ! 

Doll.  O,  fweet  Sir  John  ! 

Fal.  How  !  mine  hoftefs,  and  my  good  veftal  Mrs. 
Tearfheet  !  fave  ye  gentlewomen  both,  good-morrow. 

Host.  Godild  ye,  Sir  John — well  I  vow  and  proteft  an 
I  didn't  fay  he  would  take  as  civil  notice  of  his  old  ac- 
quaintance :  nay,  tho'f  he  was  created  my  lord-mayor 
of  London. 

Doll.  What  talk  ye  of  lord-mayors  and  fufty  citi- 
zens, goffip  Quickly  ?  Sir  John  is  a  courtier,  and  to  be 
fure  we  mull  gratulate  him  now  as  one  of  the  greateft 
knights  in  the  nation. — O  fweet  Sir  John  I — ■ 

Fal.  Truce  with  your  formalities,  Mrs  Dorothy.  It  is 
true,  indeed,  1  am  one  of  the  biggeft  knights  in  the 
kingdom — but,  pray,  have  you  {cen  none  of  our  fol- 
lowers by  the  way  ?   Piftol,  nor  Peto  ! 

Quick.  No  verily,  Sir  John,  not  one. — We  have  feen 
nothing  of  any  of  them  to  day.  They  are  all  gone  to  the 
coronation,  I  warrant ;  and  indeed  we  mould  have  been 
there  too,  hadn't  it  been  for  that  wicked  villain,  conftable 
Fang,  that,  by  a  miftake  of  the  beadle  of  our  ward, 
would  have  carried  us  to  Bridewel  this  morning. 

Fal.  How  !  mine  hoftefs  and  my  fair  Dorothy  to 
Bridewel ! 

Quick.  Even  to  Bridewel  I  can  afTure  ye. 

Fal.  But  how  ;  how  ?  dame  Quickly  to  Bridewel !  a 
decent  church-going  widow  and  a  modeft  maiden,  I  mould 
fay,  fingle  gentlewoman,  to  a  houfe  of  correction  !  why, 
what ■ 

Quick.  So  Ifaid,  Sir  John.  Nuthook,  Nuthook,  fays 
I,  do  you  know  what  you  do,  fays  I  ? — Have  me  to  Bride- 
wel, fays  I, — I  fay  to  Bridewel  indeed !  a  ruptable  houfe- 
keeper,  that  has  paid  fcot  and  lot,  and  born  the  burthen 
of  half  the  parifh  any  time  thefe  twenty  years. 

Fal.  That  thou  haft,  hoftefs ;  of  the  male  half,  I'll  be 
fworn  for  thee, 

B  2  Quick. 


4  FALSTAFF's  WEDDING. 

Quick.  Befides,  fays  I,  do  you  know  Sir  John  Fal- 
ftaff?  fays  I. — Touch  a  hair  of  Mrs.  Dorothy's  head,fays 
I,'  and  Sir  John  will  make  you  fmart  for  it,  fays  I,  ev'ry 
bone  in  your  fkin,  fays  I. 

Fal.  And  what  laid  the  rafcal  to  that  ? 

Quick.  Said,  Sir  John !  he  ftood  mumchanre,  and 
fpoke  never  a  living  fyllable,  but  fet  his  vinegar- vifag'd 
catch-poles  upon  us  ;  who  fattened  their  claws  into  Mrs. 
Tearfheet's  beft  kirtle,  and  tore  it  into  as  many  rents  and 
tatters,  as  there  were  in  the  old  tapeftry  hangings  I  pawri'd- 
to  fit  your  honour  out  for  the  laft  expedition. 

FAL.Pmaw! 

Dol.  Yes  indeed,  Sir  John  made  a  mere  tatterderhal- 
lion  of  me.  But  we  did  fo  tongue  the  leather-earM  vul- 
tures  

Fal.  That  they  were  glad  to  loofe  their  gripe  to  get  rid 

of  you,  I  fuppofe. 

Quick.  Nay,   Sir  John,  I  was  oblig'd  to  perduce  ah 

angel  to  convince  them  we  were  not  the  parties  indicTied; 

gFALj  Infidel  rogues  !  would  nothing  lefs  than  the  tefti- 

mony  of  an  angel  convince  them  ? 

'   Quick.  Ay  I  knew  how  Sir  John  would  take  it.     O, 

how  foundly  will  the  knave   conftable  be  fwing'd  for  this! 

a  jack-in-office  rafcal !  we  mail  cure  the  blue-fkin'd  run- 

nion  of  his  itch  for  whipping,  I  warrant  ye. 

mid  io» 

SCENE     V. 

Re-enter  Bardolph.  q. 

Bard.  I  have  been  looking  all  about,  Sir  John,  bat  I 
cannot  find  one. 

Quick.  What  is  it  Sir  John  wants,  Mr-  Bardolph? 

Bar.  A  bawdy-houfe,  miflrefs. 

Quick.  O  Jefu-Maria !   Mrs.  Dorothy. 

Fal.  How,  firrah  V  did  not  I  fend  thee  to  look  out  for 
a  houfe  of  civil  entertainment,  where  I  might  repofe  my- 
felf  after  my  fatigue  ?  What,  you  rogue,  would  you  make 
of  me,  here,  before  thefe  fuperabundantly-virtuous  gen- 
tlewomen ?  ■ 

Qvick.  Yes,  indeed,  Sir  John,  and  fo  to  be  fure  we 
Are  :  for,  in  goodiboth,  no-body  need  be  afham'd  of  their 

civilities 

: 


FAL  STAFF'S   WEDDING.  5 

trivilities  to  your  honour's  knighthood.  And  as  to  a 
houfe  of  civil  entertainment,  Sir  John  •,  here  is  one  hard 
by,  where  the  knights  and  lords,  and  all  the  great  gen- 
tlemen of  the  court,  are  entertained,  both  by  night  and 
by  day,  as  civilly  as  at  their  own  homes ;  and  by  gentle- 
women as  kind  to  them,  I  warrant  ye,  as  their  own  ladies 
themfelves. — A  houfe  of  civil  entertainment,  a  bawdy- 
houfe  truly  !  Why,  I  keep  a  houfe  of  civility  myfelf,  and 
I  would  have  you  to  know  Mr.  Bardolph 

Bar.  Nay,  nay,  'tis  all  one:  what  Sir  John  pleafes. 

Quick.  Yes,  by  my  truly,  and  fo  I  think  it  ought,  for 
if  Sir  John  recommends  you  to  the  king. 

D-ol.  Nay,  were  I  Sir  John,  I'm  fure  I  would  never 
promote  fuch  a  clown  as  Bardolph  at  court, 

Bar.  Ah  !  Do],  Dol,  I  am  afraid  our  promotion  will  be 
at  the  gallows.  If  Sir  John  has  any  interefl  with  the  hang- 
man, he  may  get  me  preferr'd,  perhaps,  to  the  top  of  the 
ladder. 

Dol.  Why,  how  now,  varlet  ? 

Quick.  Do  you  hear?  do  you  hear,  fweet  Sir  John? 

Fal.  Ay  heftefs,  Bardolph  is  ibmewhat  blunt :  but,  as 
•for  the  king 

Quick.  Heav'ns  blefs  him !  a  fweet  young  prince  he 
was  \  and,  to  be  fure,  a  gracious  king  he  is.  But  what 
of  him,  Sir  John  ? 

Fal.  Why,  marry, — hang  him,  hoftefs— Treafon  mull 
out  as  well  as  murder. 

Quick.  I  am'maz'd  Sir  John  ;  why,  how  is  this  ?  what 
a  goodnefs !  when — where — 

Dol.  How  is  this,  good  Bardolph  ? 

Fal.  Why,  I  will  tell  ye  how  it  is.  That  fame  un- 
grateful, fneaking,  pitiful  ralcal,  we  are  fpeaking  of,  is 
turn'd  fanatick. 

Quick.  Fanatick  !  the  king  a  fanatick  ! 

Fal.  Ay,  fanatick,  prefbyter,  bifhop,  if  you  will.  Let 
his  crown  be  his  mitre  ;  I  care  not. 

Dol.  We  don't  take  your  meaning,  Sir  John. 

Fal.  You  muft  know  then,  Dol,  that  after  having,  in 
pure  love  and  affection,  ridden  poft  day  and  night  four- 
feore  and  odd  miles,  to  congratulate  him  on  his  acceflion, 
and-condole  with  him  on   his  father's  death  •,  inftead  of 

B  3  bidding 


6  FA  LS  T  AFF's    WEDDING. 

bidding  me  welcome  to  court,  he  preach'd  me  my  own 
funeral  fermon. 

Quick.  A  funeral  fermon  ! 

Fal.  Ay,  hoftefs:  for  at  the  end  of  his  difcourfe  he 
order'd  me  to  be  buried  alive,  at  ten  miles  diftance  from 
the  court.  And,  to  make  this  unnatural  interment  the 
furer,  he  has  appointed  my  Lord-chief-jullice  his  under- 
taker, to  fee  to  the  diipofal  of  my  corpfe. 

Quick.  Buried  aiive,  quoth  he  !  what,  what  is  in  all 
this  ? 

Fal.  In  plain  terms,  dame  Quickly,  your  gracious 
king  hath  baniflfd  me  the  prefence -,  and,  till  he  grows  a 
gracelefs  prince  again,  I  am  forbidden  to  approach  his 
perfon,  within  ten  miles,  on  penalty  of  being  hang'd. 
Take  ye  me  now  ? 
"Quick.  O  Jelu  !   is  it  poffitable  ?  | 

Dol.  Ah,  ha  !  is  it  fo  r  fits  the  wind  in  that  quarter  ? 

Quick.  Well,  as  I  am  an  honeft  woman,  who  would 
have  thought  it  ?  it  is  a  world  to  lee  ! 

Dol.  And  fo,  Sir  John  is  in  difgrace ;  Hill  plain  Jack 
Falflaff  and  one  of  us !  ha  !  ha  !  ha  !  poor  blown  Jack  ! 

Quick.  A  fad  difappointment,  indeed,  Sir  John  !  but, 
in  good  faith,  things  fall  out  fo  odd,  and  the  world  goes 
fo  wrong,  and  the  times  are  fo  hard  •,  that  here,  there,  why, 
no  longer  ago  now  than  yefterday,  was  I  obliged  to  p'ay 
the  lord- knows- what-all  away  for  one  thing  or  other  :  ,and 
then  my  misfortune  to  day  ;  an  angel  to  the  conftables  -% 
and  befide  this  comes  the  day  after  to  morrow,  when  I 
mud  make  up  a  f#m  for  the  wine-merchant :  wherefore  if 
your  honour  would  but  difcharge  your  fcore  in  Eaft-cheap  -t 
becaufe,  as  why,  your  honour  knows 

Fal.  How's  this,  dame  Quickly  ? 

Quick.'  Becaufe,  I  fay,  as  why,  your  honour  knows, 
feventy  odd  pound  is  a  great  deal  of  money  for  a  poor 
widow  woman  to  lofe. 

Fal.  What  talk  you  of  Iofmg,  hoftefs  ? 

Quick.  True,  Sir  John,  as  you  lay,  to  be  fure,  I  mall 
not  be  willing  to  lofe  it :  for  the  law  is  open,  and  I  know 
whichw^togetmyrnorny. 

;  boorbrlgin>i  yrn  to^jon 
S-Mjoriori  ^rum  mt    * 


FALSTAFF's    WEDDING.  4 

i 

Pal.  I  am  glad  thou  doft  hoftefs :  as  in  that  cafe  I  need, 
not  give  myfelf  the  trouble  to. pay.  thee...  The  law  is  open, 
fay 'ft  thou  ?  Ay,  like  a  moufe-trap,  on  the  catch  for  nib- 
bling clients.  Enter  thy  action,  and  I  will  hold  thee- a. 
gallon  of  fack,  thy  departed  hufband  will  get  out  of  pur-% 
gatory  ere  thou  out  of  the  hands  of  thy  lawyer.    .  -lCj) 

Quick.  Nay,  Sir  John,  you  need  not  twit  me  upon 
that.  You  need  not  fling  my  poor  hufband's  foul  in.  my 
teeth.  He  has  not  been  gone  fo  long  ;  tho*  for  the  mat- 
ter of  that,  he  might  have  been  in  heav'n  before  now, 
hadn't  I  lent  you  the  money  Mr.  Dumb  fhould  have  had 
to  fay  maffes  for  him.  Yes,  Sir  John,  you  have  put  into 
that  great  belly  of  yours  what  mould  have  got  my  poor 
hufband  out  of  purgatory,  and  now  you  reproach  me  for. 
it.  Had  he  been  ftill  alive  you  would  not  have  us'dhis 
difconfolate  widow  thus.     You  wouldn't.  Sir  John. 

Fal.  No,  I'll  be  fworn  \  mould  not. 

Quick.  Well  then,  Sir  John,  out  of  charity,  if  it  were 
nothing  elfe,  you  ought  to  repay  the  money.  Nay,  if 
yon  don't,  I'll  pray  night  and  day  that  you  may  be  haunted 
by  his  ghoft.  Heav'n  reft  his  foul.  I  would  he  might 
fiever  fleep  quietly  in  his  grave,  till  he  has  made  you  pay 
me. 

Fal.  Go  to,  thou  art  a. foolifh  woman:  with  good 
words  thou  may  it  be  paid. 

Qujck.  No,  Sir  John,  good  words  will  not  do.  I  muft 
have  money  Sir  John.  The  priefts  won't  get  a  foul  out; 
of  purgatory  without  money..  Befides,  Sir  John,  good 
words  are  no  payment,  I  can  get  no  body  to  take  them : 
good  words  will  not  do  with  me. 

Fal.  Well,  well,  I  fay  you  may  be  paid — — 

Quick.  May!  Sir  John,  I  muft.— You  have,  thus 
muffled  off  and  on  me,  a  good  while;  but  I  muft,  I  muft 
be  paid,  I  muft- ..,., _ ,.,  '., 

Fal.  Heieh!  heigh  !  wilt  thou  raife  the  neighbourhood 
upon  us  ?  If  thou  art  clamorous,  I  will  have  thee  duck'd 
in  the  Thames,  for  a  bawd.  What,  a-plague,  art  thou 
drunk  ?  A  good-natur'd  wench,  as  thou  art,,  if  it  were 
not  for  thy  fhrill  tongue  and  vixen  humours.  On  the  ho- 
nour of  my  knighthood  thou  fhalt  be  paid.  Doft  thou, 
doubt  mine  honour  ? 

Quick. 


8  FALSTAFF's    WEDDING. 

Quick.  Why,  Sir  John,  to  be  fure,  no- body  woukf 
fcruple  to  confide  in  your  honour's  honour  :  but  then  you 
know  Sir  John  (no-body  better)  what  honour  is.  It  will 
buy  neither  coals  nor  candles  ;  nor  will  my  landlord  take 
it  for  rent,  nor  the  merchant  for  fack  or  fherry.  But  would 
you  give  me  only  the  half  in  money,  and  leave  the  reft  to 
honour  •,  fo  that  a  body  might  keep  open  houle,  Sir  John. 
That  would  be  doins;  fomething. 

Fal.  Nay,  if  thou  wilt  be  advis'd,  I  will  do  more  for 
thee. — Bardolph !  forget  not  to  go  (when  I  fend  thee;  to 
the  cafhier,  with  whom  I  left  a  thoufand  pound  this  morn- 
ing, and  tell  him  to  fatisfy  Mrs.  Quickly  forthwith. 

Quick.  A  thoufand  pound  ! 

Fal.  The  times  are  not  fo  bad,  hoftefs  (thanks  to  our 
friend  Shallow;  but  we  may  yet  have  a  merry  bout  in  Eaft- 
cheap. — How  fays  my  Dol  ? 

Dol.  Nay,  you  know,  fweet  Jack,  I  was  always  at  your 
pleafure  there. 

Quick.  That  I  will  fay  for  her,  and  a  fweeter-natur'd 
better  hearted  creature  never  lay  by  the  fide  of  a  true  man. 
But,  goodnefs  heart!  why  do  we  tarry  here,  when  Sir 
John  complain'd  of  his  being  fatigued,  and  was  looking 
tor  a  houfe  of  civil  entertainment  ?  I  will  ihew  you  the  way 
incontinently,  Sir  John. 

Fal.  I  thank  thee,  hoftefs  ;  I  am  now  fomewhat  re- 
cruited, and  will  endeavour  to  reach  Eaftcheap.  And  yet 
a  cup  of  fack,  by  the  way,  I  think,  would  not  be  amifs. 
Let  us  in.  [Exeunt. 

SCENE    VI. 

A  Gallery  in  the  Royal  Palace. 

Enter  Earl  of  Cambridge  and  Lord  Scroop  of  Mamam, 

meeting. 
Scroop.  My  lord  of  Cambridge !  wherefore  doft  thou 
leave 
The  prefence  thus,  to  fkulk  in  holes  and  corners ; 
Indulging  thy  ungovernable  fpleen  ? 
Mv  life  for't,  ere  'tis  long  thoul't  be  obferv'd  : 
King  Harry  muft  be  blind  he  does  not  mark 
The  clouds  of  trealbn  low'ring  on  your  brow. 

By 


\ 

F  A  L  ST  A  F  F '  s  W  vE  D  D  IN  G.  B  § 

py  jieav'n  your  heart's  feen' plainly  in  your  face.1 
Rebellion  threatens  in  your  very  looks, 
jpaft  off  thofe  frowns,  for  lhame  ;  and  wear  a  fmileyoiui 
As  if  not  Henry,  but  yourfelf  were  king.  -n  vod 

Cam.  Now,  by  th'  immortal  Edward's  honoured  fhade^ 
I  cannot  do't.     This  pomp  of  coronation 
Hath  fet  my  ftirring  fpirit's  up  in  arms. 
I'm  flung  with  fcorpions  that  I  tamely  fuffer 
This  limb  of  the  dead  tyrant  Bolingbroke 
T5  ufurp  the  throne  of  my  wife's  brother,  Mortimer.  - 
Deriv'd  from  Clarence,  the  third  Edward's  fon, 

"  \\  n  ft     ^Q  ft  f 

Whofe  birth  preceeded  that  of  John  of  Gaunt  •, 
*Tis  clear,  in'point  of  right,  that  Richard's  death 
Left  him  the  faireft  title  to  the  throne  •, 
:  And  mall  he  live,  fecluded  from  the  light, 


To  breathe  the  dank  dews  of  unwholefome  prifohs 
To  wafte  the  flow'ring  feafon  of  his  days, 
Coop'd  up  within  a  nook  of  fix  foot  fpace, 
Of  all  that  kingdom  to  the  which  he's  heir  r 
No,  by  the  blood  of  York,  that  fills  my  veins, 
■I'll  right  him  yet.     He  yet  mail  be  a  king. 

Scroop.  Soft,   Cambridge,  foft  — ftone  walls  at  court 
have  ears. 
Know'ft  thou  not  that  ?  I  :hate  as  much  as  thou 
The  tyrant  houfe  of  Lancafter.     But,  ftay ; 
We  are  not,  yet  in  Hate  to  pull  it  down  : 
To  ihake  it  were  at  peril  of  our  heads. 
Remember  Percy,  Worcefter,  Haftings,  Scroop, 
And  others,  the  firft  nobles  in  the  land, 
That  idly  perilh'd  in  this  defperate  caufe. 
Blood  hath  already  been  too"  freely  fhed 
.In  this  ftill  thirfty  quarrel :  fhall  we  raife 
The  deeping  axe  to  fall  but  on  ourfelves  ? 
No,  be;  thou,  wary,  cheriihing  thy  hate 
No  more  than  is  confident  with  thy  fafety. 

Cam.  I  Cannot  bear  to  fee  this  truant  youth 
Thus  difappoint  our  boldeft  expectations. 
It  pours  Cold  water  on  my  fmoth'ring  hopes, 

That  blaz'd  at  the  deceaie  of  hated  Bolingbroke. 
*~*  •  .wold  mo^-'no  g<  -    ftoi  h   - 

7g  Scroo^ 


io  FALSTAFF's  WEDDING. 

Scroop.  Had  Harry  prov'd  the  idler  we  expected; 
There  had  indeed  been  hopes  for  Mortimer : 
But  now- <- 

Cam.  Oh  !  I  could  go  to  daggers  with  him, 
To  fee  his  grave  demeanour  and  addrefs  > 
But  yefterday  with  thieves  a  pot-companion, 
The  feoff  and  nay-word  of  each  manly  tongue. 
I'm  all  on  fire,  to  hear  his  fober  prate, 
See  his  mock-majefly  and  portly  mein, 
So  aping  royalty,  that  all  his  peers 
Cry  out  in  wonder  of  their  gracious  king. — 
Lord  Scroop  ofMafham,  fwearthou  art  my  friend. 

Scroop.  Cambridge,  what  now  ?  haft  thou  not  found 
it  oft  ? 

Cam.  I  have-— no  more — fhall  Mortimer  be  king  ? 

Scroop.  With  all  my  heart :  would  'twere  in  Mafham's 
power ! 
But  fteep  and  many  are  the  fleps  between 
His  lowly  cell  and  England's  lofty  throne  : 
Steps  which,  at  prefent,  none  may  fafely  tread. 
In  fiience,  therefore,  hope  for  better  times, 
And  bear  thee  evenly  till  heav'n  fhall  fend  them. 

Cam.  I  cannot,  tho' at  hazard  of  my  head, 
I  was  not  form'd  to  play  the  hypocrite, 
Or  wear  a  face  that's  foreign  to  my  heart. 
Harry  regards  me  with  a  friendly  eye, 
Profufely  mow'ring  on  me  daily  favours, 
As  if  he  fought  to  win  me  from  myfelf : 
Methinks  I  would  not  give  him  room  hereafter 
T'upbraid  my  foul  with  that  foul  fin  ingratitude. 

Scroop.  How  fay'ft  thou  ?  am  not  I  in  favour  too  ? 
But  what  of  that  ?  doft  think  what  kings  beftow, 
Is  giv'n  in  love  ?  truft  me,  'tis  policy  •, 
Mere  policy  !  they  muft  be  ferv'd — to  you 
What  gives  king  Henry  more  than  is  your  own  ? 
For  well  he  knows,  that  next  to  Mortimer, 
Your  wife  lays  claim  to  th'  crown. — Refpecling  me, 
Think  you  not  Harry  builds  upon  my  fervice  ? 
His  kindnefs  too  may  bribe  me  to  forget 
A  Scroop  was  once  beheaded  by  his  father. 

But, 


FAL  STAFF'S  WEDDING.  jj 

But,  if  I  do  forget  it,  or  forgive, 

May  heav'n  forget  me  in  my  lait  diftrefs  ! 

Cam.  And  yet,  methinks,  revenge  fo  deeply  rooted 
Might  make  diffimulation  deeply  painful. 
For  me,  I  know  my  heart's  fo  full  of  hate, 
That  fhews  of  love  but  hurt  me  to  the  foul. 

Scroop.  Why  what  a  fqueamifh  confcience,   lord,   is 
thine  ? 
Not  brook  hypocrify  !  what  elfe  is  made 
The  univerfal  bufinefs  of  mankind  ? 
Mark  but  the  thriving  features  of  the  world : 
There's  not  a  male,  of  half  a  grain  of  wit, 
From  childhood  upwards,  ev'n  from  ten  to  eighty, 
But  is  an  arrant  hypocrite.     The  fchool-boy, 
Nature  whipt  out  of  him  and  barefac'd  honefty, 
Plodding  with  vacant  ear  and  leaden  eye, 
Follows  the  fefcue,  poring  o'er  his  book, 
As  if  he  conn'd  his  lefTon  ;  while  abroad 
His  abfent  mind  is  robbing  groves  and  orchards, 
Or  fcamp'ring  o'er  the  fields,  in  truant  play. 
Grown  up  to  manhood,  the  hot  blood  of  youth 
Urges  the  lultful  ftripling,  in  the  dark, 
To  the  rank  flews  in  lanes,  blind  ftreets,  and  allies  ; 
Whence,  fkulking  e're  'tis  light,  he  dons  the  malk 
Of  fobernefs  demure,  to  cheat  the  day. 
See  next  the  worn-out  ribaud,  part  his  labour, 
Scarr'd  by  the  goujeres  of  his  younger  days  ; 
With  him  hypocrify  turn'd  infide  out, 
He  puts  the  mafk  on  with  the  worft  fide  outwards, 
And  chafte,  perforce,  hires  {trumpets  to  abufe  him. 
In  each  condition,  age,  and  ftate  of  life, 
Thus  feem  men  good  or  bad,  they're  fo  far  neither; 
Better  or  worfe  they  may  :  but  all  agree 
To  dupe  each  other  by  hypocrify. 

Cam.  What  argues  this  but  poverty  of  foul ; 
The  fheaking  cowardice  of  narrow  minds  ? 

Scroop.  Cambridge  !  we  live  but  in  a  narrow  world. 
Had  individuals  all  the  fouls  of  kings, 
This  globe  would  be  too  little  to  contain  them ; 
Each  grafping  at  a  kingdom  for  himfelf. 
But,  art  thou  fo  difpos'd ;  to  Harry — go. 

Lay 


y%  FALSTAFF's  WEDDING. 

Lay  ope  thy  honeft  heart,  and  in  return, 

He'll  take  thy  head.     How  weak  is  this  impatience ! 

I'm  ev.er  bound  to  Mortimer  and  thee  ; 

But  let  us  not  run  headlong  into  ruin. 

Fortune's  a  fickle  miftrefs  and  a  coy  one  : 

Let  us,  attentive,  wait  her  lucky  minute  : 

?Tis  hers  to  fhape  occafion,  ours  to  feize  it. 

Cam.  Impatience!  fayftthou?  canft  thou, Scroop,  forelec 
A  glimpfe  of  aught  that  in  the  womb  of  time 
May  yield  a  fairer  feafon  for  fuccefs  ? 
Thou  know'ft  we've  many  Haunch  and  loyal  friends  j 
And  what  will  boot  delay  ?  revenge  hath  figh'd 
Unfatisfied  too  long  -,  and  defperate  ills 
Demand  a  defperate  cure. 

Scroop.  I'll  tell  the  what. 
Thou  know5ft  th'  enormous  riches  of  the  clergv 
Have  fet  the  envious  barons  on  their  backs  ; 
"Who  mean,  th'  enfuing  parliament,  to  ftrip 
The  church  of  half  its  overgrown  poffeffions. 
This,  with  the  late  encroachments  of  the  pope, 
That  gall  the  king,  as  touching  his  prerogative, 
Will  likely  raife  commotions  in  the  realm, 
And  form  divifions,  we  may  profit  by. 

Cam.  As  how  ? 

Scroop.  Thou  mult,  by  all  means,  chime  in  with  the 
clergy; 
And  raife  an  intereft  in  the  court  of  Rome. 
Alfure  the  legate  of  your  pious  zeal, 
And  that  of  Mortimer,  to  th'  holy  fee: 
Forgetting  not  how  willing  he'd  have  been. 
If  England's  king,   to  yield  the  nomination 
Of  bifhops  and  their  fpiritual  hangers-on, 
Throughout  the  kingdom,  to  his  holinefs  : 
Hinting  befide  the  payment  of  th'  allegiance 
And  tribute  firft  exacted  of  king  John. 

Cam.  How  may  this  fpeed  ? 

Scroop.  The  clergy  on  our  fide, 
Should  our  young  king  break  alio  with  the  French, 
As  in  all  likelihood  he  rafhly  will, 
The  (late  in  ferment,  Rome  and  France  our  friends, 
Something  may  be  attempted  with  fuccefs. 

Cam, 


F  At  STAFF'S  WEDDING  i| 

Gam.  ByHeav'n,  Lord  Scroop,  thou  haft  a  plotting  head- 

In  fuch  a  crifis,  what  may  not  be  done  ? 

Scroop.  Mean-while,  I  undertake  to  urge  the  king 

In  his  refentment  'gainft  both  Rome  and  France. 

But  hufh,  be  gone — of  this  another  time. 

Yon  goes  the  king.     I'm  bidden  to  his  clofet  i 

Belike  on  fecret  bufinefs. — When  we  meet, 

Hold  we,  in  publick,  ever  diff  rent  minds. 

Diffimulation  as  the  means  is  honeft, 

When  honeft  is  the  end  we  mean  t'  ob  ain. 

Cam.   Well,  as  I  hope  our  time  is  nekr  at  hand, 

I  will  diffemble,  fmother  up  my  thoughts, 

And  mutter  as  difcreetly  as  I  may.         [Exit  Cambridge, 

SCENE    VII. 
Lord   Scroop,    folus. 

I  fear  this  rafh-tongued  Cambridge  will  not  wait 

The  fetting  on.      A  hot-brain'd  cuckold  'tis, 

That  fees  not  into  th'  mill-ftone  tho'  I  pick  it. 

He  dreams  of  England's  crown  in  right  of 's  wife, 

O'er  whom  I  reign,  the  fecret  paramour. 

Could  I  make  Lancaster's  tall  houie  to  th'  ground, 

Cambridge  and  Mortimer  might  tumble  too, 

And  both  be  timely  buried  in  the  ruins. 

And  then  who  knows  (things  ftranger  have  been  known) 

But  I>  her  wedded  Lord,  may  mount  the  throne. 

[Exit. 

SCENE    VIII.     A  Street. 
Enter  an  Officer  of  the  King's  Houfhold  and  a  Friar. 

Offic  There,  good  friar,  thou  haft  it:  it  would  indeed 
little  conduce  to  ralfe  the  king's  wifdom  in  the  general 
eftimation  of  the  world,  to  have  it  thought  in  the  power 
of  luch  unworthy  men  as  Falitaff  and  his  fellows,  to  lead 
him  implicitly  into  all  thofe  extravagances  under  which 
the  character  of  his  youth  fuffer'd :  and  yet  fo  it  would  go 
near  to  be  fufpecled,  if  his  highnefs  mould  now  act  towards 
them  with  an  ill-tim'd  feverity. 

Friar.  Son,  well  obferv'd :  I  commend,  therefore, 
my  Lord-chief-jultice's  prudence,  in  treating  their  wick- 
edness 


i4  FALSTAFF's  WEDDING. 

ednefs  as  infirmity,  and  will  readily  undertake  to  commune 
with  them,  on  the  grievous  enormity  of  their  diffolute 
lives.  I  have  already  a  goodly  penitent  in  a  fair  fhe-com- 
panion  of  his  highnefs. 

Offic.  A  {he-companion  !  who  is  that  ? 

Friar.  I  may  not  tell  her  name,  unlefs  indeed  to  a 
friend,  under  the  veil  of  fecrefy.  Thou  knew'ft  Ned 
Poins  :  he  had  a  filter 

Offic  A  fav'rite  of  the  prince,  belike.  I  never  heard 
of  this  before  ;  his  highnefs  then,  it  feems,  had  difcre- 
tion  in  his  wildnefs. 

Friar.  This  wench  is  alfo  of  fuch  good  accompliih- 
ments,  that  'tis  no  wonder  he  mould  pay  her  deference. 

Offic  Nay,  it  appears  the  king  held  Poins  in  lefs 
difdain  than  any  of  his  fellows,  by  his  providing  him  with 
an  honourable  poft,  unlefs 

Friar.  Yet  this  thou  feefh  he  has  done  prudently,  by 
placing  him  at  diftance  from  his  perfon. 

Offic  That's  true  •,  and  yet,  for  all  that,  if  one  might 
whifper  the  truth,  Poins  is  perhaps  more  indebted,  for 
his  preferment,  to  his  filler's  beauty,  than  his  own  deferts. 

Friar.  With  this  we've  naught  to  do.  Let  us  not  hint 
at  cenfure  now  ;  having  fo  juit  caufe,  from  his  highnefs's 
fudden  reformation,  to  be  thankful  that  England  is  fo  well 
king'd. 

Offic  Therefore,  good  father  Paul,  to  the  bufinefs  in 
hand. — My  Lord-chief-juftice  would  have  you  begin  with 
Sir  John  Falftaff,  the  captain-general  and  ring-leader  of 
this  vicious  troop.  If  you  can  difpofe  him  to  any  good, 
fomething  may  be  hoped  for  in  the  reft. 

Friar.  I  will  ufe  the  means  \  and  yet  that  Falftaff  has 
been  untoward  from  his  youth  up.  I  knew  him,  when  a 
boy  and  page  to  Mowbray,  duke  of  Norfolk ;  even  then 
he  furpafted  in  roguery  all  the  unlucky  pages  about  the 
court.  For  indeed  he  had  a  fhrewd  wit :  but  what  a  re- 
ferable ufe  he  has  made  of  it ! — Well,  heav'n  pardon  him. 

Offic  And  convert  him  too,  good  father. 

Friar.  Amen  to  that.  But,  pray,  where  am  I  to  find 
this  wicked  knight  ?  I  am  told  he  is  feldom  out  of  fome 
houfe  of  carnal  recreation  :  muft  I  teach  morality  in  a 
bawdy-houfe  ? 

Offic 


FALSTAFF's  WEDDING.  15 

Offic.  There  are  few  places,  father,  where  it  is  more 
wanting. 

Friar.  But  the  honour  of  my  function — I  may  perhaps, 
be  indecently  infulted. 

Offic.  Of  that  you  need  not  be  afraid.  The  eye  of 
the  law  is  on  them,  and  they  will  no  doubt  Hand  on  their 
good  behaviour  •,  being  fenfible  it  is  only  through  the  lenity 
of  my  Lord-chief-juftice,  that  the  king's  order  of  banifh- 
ment  is  not  rigoroufly  executed  againft  them. 

Friar.  I  will  attend  thefe  reprobates. 

Offic.  His  Lordihip  would  have  you  bring  FalftarT 
over  to  retire  into  a  monaftery,  if  poflible  •,  but  thou  wilt 
fee  what  may  belt  be  done  with  him-,  and  on  thy  report  his 
Lordfhip's  farther  pleafure  will  be  known.  Farewel,  good 
father,  1  will  fee  thee  again  at  the  priory. 

[Exit  Officer, 

Friar.  God  be  with  you,  Son. 

SCENE    IX.     Street  continued. 

Friar,  Solus. 

I  will  go ;  but  I  fear  my  million  will  prove  as  fruitlefs 
as  that  of  many  other  Apoftles,  fent  among  the  infidels. 
As  there  is  no  danger  of  martyrdom,  however,  I  am  con- 
tent.— Perfuade  Sir  John  FalftarT  to  turn  monk  !  could  I 
work  miracles,  indeed,  and,  like  St.  Thomas,  turn  an 
Ethiop  white,  fomething  might  be  faid  for  it :  but,  as  it 
is,  I  defpair  of  converting  an  old  debofhee  from  two  fuch 
prevailing  herefies  as  the  whore  and  the  bottle,        [Exit. 

SCENE    X.     Street  continued. 
Enter  Juftice  Shallow  and  Mafter  Slender. 

Slen.  I  wonder  now,  coz ;  when  you  know  what  a 
defperate  kind  of  a  horrible  man  Sir  John  is,  you  mould — ■ 

Shal.  Tut — Tut — I  fear  him  not  •,  there's  ne'er  a  Sir 
John  Falftaffin  the  nation  fhall  over-reach  me. 

Slen.  But  what's  done  cannot  be  help'd,  coz  •,  he  over- 
reach'd  you  now,  as  I  take  it,  when  you  lent  him  the 
money. 

Shal. 


it  F.A.L  STAFF'S  WEDDING. 

Shal.  Weil,  coufin  of  mine,  then  it  is  my  turn  now 
to  over-reach  him,  and  get  it  again. 

Slen.  That,  indeed,  coufin  Shallow,  to  be  fure  would 
be  quite  right  •,  tit  for  tat,  as  we  fay  in  the  country  •,  but 
then  he  is  fuch  a  bloody-minded  caitiff;  you  know  he  broke 
my  head  once  for  nothing  at  all :  and  if  he  mould  get  an 
inkling  that  you  are  going  to  law  with  him,  O  Lord, 
OLord,  I  fhall  never  fleep  in. quiet  again. 

Shal.  Poh,  you  chit,  if  he  breaks  the  peace,  I  mall 
know  what  to  do  with  him,  I  warrant  ye. 

Slen.  Ay,  there  indeed,  coufin,  ecod,  I  did  not  think 
of  that.  If  I  am  in  fear  of  my  life,  I  can  anfwer  taking, 
him  up  with  a  warrant,  and  binding  him  over  to  his  good 
behaviour.  Suppofe  therefore,  coz,  we  fwear  the  peace 
againft  him  firft,  and  lay  him  fall  by  the  heels  before  we 
enter  the  action. — And  yet  I  don't  know,  if  I  might  advife 
ye,  I  would  warn  my  hands  of  him,  and  thank  God  I  was 
rid  of  a  knave. 

Shal.  And  lb  lofe  my  thoufarrd' podnd  ! 

Slen.  If  I  might  advife  ye,  coz. 

Shal.  And  fhall  a  chit,  a  cullion,  a  beardlefs  boy,  pre- 
fhme  to  advife  Robert  Shallow,  Efq  ?  To  your  a,  b,  c,  your 
primmer,  to  fchool  again.  Advife  me  !  do  you  think  I 
will  lofe  a  thoufand  pound  by  e'er  a  fwaggering  knight  in 
England  ? 

Slen.  Nay,  I  fay  nothing,  coufin  Shallow  •,  but  I  know 
a  little  of  the  law.  I  did  not  live  fo  long  with  my  uncle 
Lingerfuit  for  nothing.  I  know  he  ufed  to  fay  none  of  his 
clients  got  any  thing  by  it,  but  lofles.  Mind,  I  fay  no- 
thing ;  but  don't  you  remember  the  picture  that  us'd  to 
hang  up  in  goody  Undone's  itone  parlour  ?  (fhe  was  one 
of  my  uncle's  clients  too)  of  the  man,  I  mean,  that  loll 
his  doublet,  in  going  to  law  for  his  cloak.  There  was  ano- 
ther picture  too 

Shal.  Don't  tell  me 


Slen.  Of  the  dog  and  the  fhadow.  I  have  heard  them 
explained ;  marry,  good  morals ;  good  morals,  coufui 
Shallow. 

Shal.  Talk  not  to  me.  I  tell  thee,  I  will  fpend  half 
my  eftate  before  the  rafcally  knight  fhall  carry  it  off  (o. 
I  had  rather  the  inns  of  court  mould  fhare  the  money  among 

them 


FAL  STAFF'S  WEDDING.  17 

them  than  let  that  gor-bellied  knave  feaft  his  enormous 
guts  at  any  free  coll  of  mine.  I  will  to  my  counfel  im- 
mediately. 

Slen.  You  know  bell,    to  be  fure,    coufin    Shallow, 
but 

Shal.  But  me  no  buts,  -I  fay,  but  come  along ; 
Your  coufin  Shallow  puts  up  no  fuch  wrong. 

[Exeunt, 

End  of  the  first  Act. 


A  C  T    II.     S  C  E  N  E    I. 

A  Tavern. 

Falstaff  fitting  at  a  Table  ;  Bardolph  attending. 

Fal.  'f5\  OME,  fill  me  another  glafs,  Bardolph.  Where 
\_Ji  are  the  women  ? 

Bar.  They  are  gone  home,  Sir  John,  that  they  may  get 
ready  to  attend  your  honour  in  the  evening.  They  went 
away  while  you  was  afleep. 

Fal.  Come  on  then,  drink;  we  will  empty  the  flafk, 
and  follow.     Here's  to  our  better  fortune.         (Drinks.) 

Bar.  Ah,  Sir  John,  I  am  afeard  our  fortune  hath  been 
at  its  highefl  flood.     We  have  fecn  our  bell  days. 

Fal.  So  the  world  goes  Bardolph.  Up  and  down!  But 
is  it  not  hard  now  ?  I  that  have — —but  that's  nothing. 
I  hate  boafling.  It  is,  however,  well  known  what  pains 
I  have  taken  to  make  a  man  of  that  Hal.  Nay,  you  your- 
felf  are  privy  to  many  the  good  offices  I  have  done  him. 
Before  the  younker  knew  me,  he  knew  nothing.  The 
fneak-cup  could  not  drink  fack.;  made  confcience  of  going 
to  church  on  holidays ;  and  bluih'd  like  a  fcarlet  cloak,  at 
entering  a  bawdy-houfe.     Then  he  made  a  poor  hand  at 

C  cards 


18  FALST  AFF'sW'E.D'DING. 

cards  and  dice,  and  was  a  mere  novice,  a  very  noodle;  at 
a  robbery  on  the  highway.  I  inftructed  him  in  all  thefe 
manly  exercifes.  1  was  content  to  win  his  money,  to  teach 
him  gaming :  to  get  drunk  myfelf  to  make  him  fo :  to 
teach  him  iabbath-breaking.  by  going  ever  to  the  church 
with  a  chimney  iiT  it,— trre  tavern.  And.  then.,  again,  mercy 
on  this  round  body  of  mine!  how  have  I  been  pox'd  to 
teach  his  iinock-face  whoring  !  Nay,  fetting  rotten  limbs 
and  dignity  afide,  have  I  not  even  pimp'd  for  the  bafhful 
rogue  ?  Such  a  princ-2  of  Wales !  by  my  troth  I  was 
afhamM  of  him.  Had  it  not  been  for  me,  the  milk-fop 
might  have  been  crown'd  before  he  had  loft  his  maiden- 
head. 

Bar.  And  that  would  have  been  a  pity,  Sir  John:,,  to 
be  fure. 

Fal.  It  was  I  flrrc  taught  him  to  way-lay  the  true-man  -, 
for  I  knew  him  when  he  durft  not  cry  Jland  to  a  turkey- 
cock  -,  nay,  a  gander,  of  the  ordinary  fize  of  a  gKeen-goofe, 
had  it  met  him  on  a  common,  would  have  made  him  run 
for  it :  and  yet  I  would  have  fo  cafe-harden'd  him,  that  he 
might  have  robb'd  his  father's  exchequer.  But  the  toaft- 
and-butter  would  not  learn.  I  went  further  yet  -,:  and 
would  not  only  have  embolden'd  his  actions,  but  have 
taught  him  the  manly  arts  of  converfation.  In  the  ilik 
military,   for  inftance,  or  fwearing.-^ 

Bar.  Sir  John,  I.  believe,  there  you  forget  yourfelf ; 
the  prince  wanted  no  affiflance  of  you  in  that ;,  for  when 
he  was  a  crack  no  higher  than  this,  he  would  fwear  ye  as 
well  as  a  man  fix  foot  high. 

Fal.  Right,  Bardolph,  you  are  right.  I  remember 
me  i  (wearing  indeed  he  knew  :  for,  tho'  but  a  king's 
ion,  he  would,  as  thou  fay'it,  rap  out  an  oath  like  an 
emperor.  But  then  for  the  quintefience  of  all  elocution, 
the  ufe  of  the  hyperbole,  vulgarly  call'd  lying  •,  there  I  am 
a  mailer,  vet  what  a  deal  of  pains  it  hath  coit  me  to  teach 
Hal  to  lie  j  and  all  thrown  away  upon  him.  He  would 
never  do  it  roundly.     He  had  no  genius  that  way. 

Bar.  You  know,  Sir  John,  the  prince  never  could  away 
with  lying.  He  us'd  to  lay  'twas  .beneath  a  gentleman  and 
a  fpldier, 




FALSTAFF's  WEDDING,  i9 

Fal.  Well,  well,  he  will  never  mine  in  the  recital  of 
his  own  exploits  as  Xenophon,  Casfar,  and  I  have  done. 

Bar.  Why,  Sir  John,  to  be  fyre,  you  have  done  fome- 
thing. 

Fal.  Something  !  the  fervices  I  have  done  him  and  his 
father  are  out  of  number.  Methinks  my  behaviour,  in  the 
ever  memorable  action  at  Shrewsbury,  mould  make  him 
blum  at  his  ingratitude.  Who  kiil'd  Hotfpur  ?  Did  not 
I  give  him  his  death's  wound  in  the  thigh  ?  Was  it  not  I 
who  took  prifoner  that  fiery  dragon  Coleville  ?  and  that 
even  alive  !  And  am  I  thus  requited  ?  Is  this  the  guerdon 
of  my  great  atchievements  ?  Hang  valour,  I'll  hack  my 
fword  no  more.  Thus  has  it  ever  been  the  fate  of  merit 
to  be  rewarded.     Alcibiades  and  Bellifarius  for  that  ! 

Bar.  Ay,  Sir  John,  they  were  tall  fellows :  they  were 
fadly  us'd  indeed :  I  have  heard  of  them.  But  that  was 
in  king  John's  time,  I  think. 

Fal.  They  were  the  Falftaffs  of  antiquity,  Bardolph. 

Bar.  Like  enough,  Sir  John  :  they  were  before  my 
time,  to  be  fure  •,  though  Piftol  told  me,  t'other  day,  that 
general  Bellifarius  was  his  god-father. 

Fal.  Piftol  is  an  ignorant  braggard ;  an  afs  :  I  have 
injur'd  my  dignity  by  affociating  with  rafcals,  not  worthy 
to  wait  at  my  heels.     What  tell' it  thou  me  of  Piftol  ? 

Bar.  Nay,  Sir  John,  I  meant  no  harm.  I  do  think 
you  deferve  to  be  made  a  lord  of  indeed. 

Fal.  A  lord  !  I  expected  to  have  been  made  nothing 
lefs  than  an  earl  or  a  duke,  I  can  aifure  ye.  And  then, 
for  my  well-known  ceconomy,  to  have  had  the  fole  ma- 
nagement of  the  exchequer,  at  leaft. 

Bar.  And  inftead  of  that  to  be  banilh'd ■ 

Fal.  I  know  not  if  I  heard  the  v/ord  baniih.  I  was 
forbidden  indeed  to  come  near  the  king's  perfon  by  ten 
miles  •,  but  I  was  not  at  that  diftance  when  thofe  injunc- 
tions were  laid  on  me.  Quere  now  (it  might  pofe  a  cafuifb 
let  me  tell  ye)  whether  I  am  thereby  injoin'd  to  march  right 
out,  ten  miles  an  end ;  whether  the  negative,  not  come, 
amounts  to  the  pofitive,  go. —  I  will  not  underftand  it  fo  •, 
and,  if  that  be  my  Lord-chief-juftice's  conftruction,  by  the 
Lord,  I  will  put  him  to  the  trouble  of  carrying  of  me  ;  \ 
will  be  laid  up  with  the  gout  ere  I  budge  a  foot, 

C  %  Ba&. 


2o  FAL  STAFF'S   WEDDING. 

Bar.    Indeed,    Sir  John,    the   king  did  fay,    banifli. 

Fal.  Admit  it :  unlefs  he  means  to  refide  for  ever  in  a 
place,  and  be  in  his  own  proper  perfon  as  immoveable  as 
a  church,  I  hold  my  life  on  a  damn'd  precarious  tenure. 
He  minx  give  me  timely  notice  of  his  motions,  that  I  may 
regulate  mine  accordingly  ;  otherwife,  if  he  be  travelling 
my  way,  we  may  happen  to  encounter,  and  I  get  myfelf 
hang'd  through  inadvertency.  I  do  not  think  it  fafe, 
therefore,  to  ftir  out  of  town,  without  more  explicit  or- 
ders.    Fill  me  another  glafs. 

Bar.  The  flafk  is  out,  Sir  John. 

Fal.  Out !  we  have  no  longer  any  bufinefs  here,  then. 
Pay  the  drawer,  Bardolph,  and  come  along.        [Exeunt. 

SCENE     II. 

A  Room  in  the  King's  Palace. 

Enter  King  Henry  and  Lord  Scroop. 

King  j  Thou  didft  obferve,  in  th'  eaft  i(le  of  the  abbey, 
A  wench  that  fainted  as  we  pafs'd  along, 
And  drew  a  crowd  of  our  obfervers  from  us. 

Scroop.  I  did,  my  liege  :   methought  a  fairer  damfel 
Mine  eyes  had  ne'er  beheld  ;  when  lo  !   o'th'fudden, 
Her  looks  were  chang'd,   the  roles  left  her  cheeks, 
And  down  me  funk,  as  if  impitying  death 
Had  laid  his  clay-cold  hand  upon  her  heart. 

King.  Wilt  you  the  paufe  ? 

Scroop.  I  guefs  no  other  than  the  fweltry  crowd, 
Affccling  oft  iuch  tender- fafnion'd  dames, 
Opprefs'd  her  gentle  fpirits  :  for  I  mark'd 
An  elegance  and  foftnefs  in  her  features, 
That  fpoke  the  delicacy  of  her  frame. 

King.  O  Scroop,   it  is  indeed  a  gentle  foul; 
She  was  the  earlielt  fa'vrite  of  my  youth, 
I  her  firft  love,  and  many  an  happy  hour, 
In  all  th'endearing  intercourse  of  iouls, 
We've  pafs'd  together. 

Scroop.  My  gracious  liege, 
Your  highnefs  young,  the  damfel  in  her  bloom, 
Where  could  love  find  Ltfelf  more  fit  employment. 

King, 


FALSTAFF's  WEDDING.  21 

King.  Thou  know'rt,  lord  Scroop,  our  prefent  refo- 
lution, 
To  cart  off  th'idle  follies  of  our  youth : 
Hence  our  command  to  banifh  from  the  court 
The  lewd  companions  of  thofe  boyifh  days. 
Now  this  fair  v/ench  is  filter  to  Ned  Poins, 
Whom  I  have  late  provided  for  i'th'North  : 
And,  for  I  would  not  fee  the  girl  again, 
I  gave  her  ghoftly  father  late  in  charge 
To  place  her  in  a  fiiterhood  of  nuns, 
With  an  allowance  of  five  hundred  marks 
A  year  for  life.     I  thought  her  cioifter'd  up, 
And  wonder'd  much  to  fee  her  in  the  abbey. 

Scroop.  She  meant,  no  doubt,  to  move  your  highnefs's 
pity; 
And  not  unlikely  but  that  fhew  of  grief, 
And  mock  of  fwooning  was  a  female  trick, 
An  artifice  that's  common  with  thefe  giglots. 

King.  I  judge  not  lb  ;  but,  be  that  as  it  may, 
I  will  not  have  my  purpofes  delay'd, 
Nor  firm  refolves  capricioufly  difputed. 
Go  to  her,  therefore,  thou,  my  friendly  Scroop, 
And  fay,  her  unexpected  difobedience 
Awakes  our  high  difpleafure. 

Scroop.  I  will,     my  liege ;    yet,     by   your  highnefs* 
leave, 
Thinks  not  your  majefty  fhe's  yet  too  young, 
Too  fair,  and  too  enamour'd  of  the  world, 
To  turn  reclufe,  and  hide  her  in  a  cioifter  ? 
I  warrant  ye,  my  liege,  a  lufty  lover 
Would  find  a  hearty  welcome  with  her  yet. 

King.  My  lordofMafham,  there  I  hold  you  wrong  her. 
She  is  indeed  moft  loving,  kind,  and  gentle  : 
And  yet  I  think  not  more  than  fhe  is  true  : 
Faithful  of  heart,  fincere  as  open  day, 
A  veftaPs  modefty  fits  on  her  brow, 
And  awes  ev'n  bold  licentioufnefs  to  filence. 
She  feels,  I  fear,  too  anxiouily  th'effecl: 
Of  that  necefiity  that  caus'd  our  parting. 

Scroop.  Where,  in  the  name  of  wonder,  did  fhe  learn 
Thofe  dainty  manners  ?  of  her  brother  Ned  ? 

C  2  Your 


it.  FALSTAFFs  WEDDING. 

Your  majefty  in  truth  is  much  deceiv'd  ; 
Had  not  yourfelf  fo  highly  done  her  honour, 
Some  humbler  iover  had,  perhaps,  prevail'd, 
And  fhar'd  her  favours  on  as  eafy  terms. 

King.  Thou  knew'ft  her  not. 

vScroop.  My  liege,   I  know  the  fex, 
And  judge  not  women  by  the  things  they  were. 
The  kindeft  of  them  all  were  veftals  once : 
But  foon  as  e'er  they've  learn'd  their  mother's  game, 
All  that  is  left  of  .chaftity's  grimace, 
Mere  affectation,  prudery,  and  pride. 

King.  You  hold  them,  then,  but  lightly  in  efleem  : 
But  general  rules  admit  exceptions,  Scroop. 

Scroop.  O,  yes,  my  liege,  perhaps,  in  twice  ten  thou- 
fand 
One  may  be  found,  whofe  mind's  of  charter  fcuff 
Than  her  frail  body  :  but  with  all  the  reft 
Body  and  foul  go  lovingly  together. 

King.  Go  then,  my  lord,  and  in  our  gentle  Nell 
Of  twice  ten  thoufand  think  thou  feeft  that  one, 
Whofe  mind  is  yet  right  chafte.     Make  known  our  will, 
And  in  the  'gentleft  terms  your  kindnefs  may. 

Scroop.  I  will,  my  liege.  [Exit  King  Henry, 

SCENE    III.     Room  continued. 

Lord  Scroop,  folus, 

A  lucky  errand  to  this  peerlefs  beauty  ! 
I  mark'd  her  in  the  midft  of  her  diftrefs, 
And  of  her  fnowy  neck  and  heaving  breafls 
Caught  a  fide-glance,  that  flr'd  my  eager  heart- 
Ahd  kindled  all  the  ardours  of  defire. 
That  fhe  mould  turn  out  Harry's  miftrefs  too  ; 
And  thence  we  make  no  doubt  an  eafy  conquert, 
Whate'er  his  princely  vanity  fuggefts  ; 
This  too  is  fortunate  ;  nor  lefs  his  pride, 
That  churliihly  devotes  thofe  charms  to  heav'n, 
On  which  himfelf  has  feafted  till  he's  tir'd. 
Sure  a  kind  beauty  fooner  will  retreat 
Iflto  a  lover's  arms  than  to  a  cloifter ! 
And  yet  I  may  not  long  detain  her  thence. 

Lome? 


FALSTAFFsWEDDING.  23 

X:ove's  a  repair,  fo  cloying,  at  the  beft 
That  appetite  foon  leaves  the  keenefl  gueft •, 
To  me  the  banquet  of  her'  charms  be  given, 
And,  fated  once,  I'll  yield  them  too  to  heav'n.        .(Exit. 

5  C  E  N  E    IV.      A  Street. 
Enter  Juftice Shallow,  Mailer  Slender,  and  a, "Lawyer. 

Shal.  And  fo,  mailer  Plead  well,  that  is  your  opi- 
nion.— If  it  be  fo,  my  money's  gone. 

Law.  Indeed,  lam  of  that  opinion,  juftice  Shallow. 

Shal.  What !  how  !   that  my  money's  gone  ? 

Law.  Nay,  I  know  not  that.  I  fay,  1  am  of  opinion 
you  mould -have  taken  a  bond,  or  obligation,  at  the  time 
ef  lending  it,  friend  Shallow.  A  thoufand  pound  on  the 
bare  word  of  a  courtier  ;  and  that  courtier  Sir  John  Fal- 
ftaff! ne'er  an  alderman  in  the  city  of  London  would 
■have  lent  a  thoufand  pence  on  fuch  fecurity. 

Slen.  Oh  that  ever  a  country  'fquire  mould  have  lefs 
wit  than  a  city  alderman  ! 

Law.  A.tkoufand  pound,  Mr.  Shallow,  is 

Shal.  A  thoufand  pound.  1  know  it  is,  mailer  Plead- 
well,  I  know  it  well.  But  pray  now,  is  there  no  method 
in  the  law  to  recover  it  ?  He  cannot  have  fpent  it  yet: 
cannot  we  compel  him  to  reftitution .?  Arrefl  him — arreA 
him,  Mr.  Plead  well.. 

Law.  But,  mould  he  deny  the  debt,  how  wili  you 
prove  it  ?  and  who  knows,  on  fach  an  emergency,  what 
Sir  John  Falftaff  will  not  do  ? 

Shal.  Nay,  he  will  lye  :  that's  the  truth  on't. 

Slen.  Ay,  coz,  and  that  moft  confumedly  too. 

Shal.  I  can  prove  his  receipt  of  the  money. 

iLaw.  But  the  conditions^  juftice  Shallow. — What  have 
you  to  mew. that. he  is  engag'd  to  return, it  ?  and  when  ? 

Shal.  Nothing,  I  was  weak  enough  to  lend  it  him  on 
his  bare  word. 

Slen.  Nay,  xoufin  Shallow,  not  fo  neither.  I'll  be 
fworn  he  borrow'd  it  upon  his  oath.  I'll  take  my  Bible 
facrament  of  that.  Didn't  I  hear  Sir  John  fwear  ?  —  Yes, 
Mr.  Pleadwell,  I  myfelf,  .in  propria  perjona,  heard  Sir 
John,  alias  John  Falftaff,  knight,  viva  voce,  viva-voce, 

C  .4  Mr. 


24  FALS  TAF  F's  WEDDING. 

Mr.  Pleadwell — Go  to — I  know  a  little  of  the  law. — I  far, 
I  heard  the  aforefaid  Falftaff  fwear  and  proteft  to  my  coufin 
Shallow  (videlicet  Robert  Shallow  of  Gloucefterfhire,  efq-, 
jufticeof  the  peace,  and  of  the  quorum)  upon  the  honour 
of  a  true  knight,  to  give  him  a  thoufand  pound  again  ; 
and  befides  that,  the  comings-in  of  a  better  thing,  in  his 
majefty's  court  at  London. 

Law.  Ah,  Mafter  Slender,  thefe  knights  have  juft 
honour  enough  to  fwear  by  •,  but,  for  any  thing  further,  I 
am  apprehenlive  we  ihall  find  him  one  of  thofe  honourable 
knights,  whofe  word  is  as  good  as  their  oath.  But  fee,  if 
I  miftake  not,  yonder  he  comes ;  this  encounter  may  per- 
haps fave  us  the  trouble  of  attending  him  at  home.  Let 
us  fpeak  him  fair,  and  periwade  him,  ifpoffible,  to  ftgnan 
obligation  for  the  money.  If  we  can  do  that,  we  may 
trounce  him.     Let  me  alone  with  him. 

Slen.  O  would  you  could  Mr.  Pleadwell !  what  would 
I  give  methinks  to  fee  him  well  troune'd  !  if  it  was  only 
for  giving  me  once  a  bloody  coxcomb. 

SCENE    V.     Street  continued. 
Enter  Falstaff. 

Fal.  How !  Mafter  Shallow  cDnfblting  with  his  law- 
yer  !  are  ye  thereabouts  friend  Shallow  ?  would  you  ham- 
per me  with  an  action  ?  {Jf.de.)     I  will  pafs  them  by. 

[Going. 

Shal.  Sir  John,  Sir  John,  a  word  with  you  if  you 
pleafe. 

Fal.  O  my  good  friends  Robert  Shallow,  Efq;  and 
Mailer  Slender !  how  fare  ye  gentlemen  both  ? 

Law.  Sir  John,  Mr.  Shallow  here  has 

Fal.  Ha!  what  mine  old  acquaintance  Mafter  Whee- 
dlepoint !  how  is  it  with  your  health,  Mafter  Wheedle- 
point  ? 

Law.  Pleadwell  is  my  name,  Sir  John. 

Fal.  Right. —  I  cry  you  mercy. —  Roundabout  Plead- 
well,  I  think.    My  memory  is  not  fo  retentive  as 

Law.  No  offence,  Sir  John  :  that  is  not  the  cafe. 

Fal.  Marry  but  it  is,  Mr.  Pleadwell ;  a  treacherous 

memory 


FALSTAFF's  WEDDING.  25 

memory  is  my  great  defecl: :  and  a  mifnomer  in  law  thou 

knoweft 

Law.  Would  be  matter  of  confequence  Sir  John.  But 
that  is  not  our  bufmefs  at  prefent.     Mr.  Shallow  here  hath 

put  a  cafe. 

Fal.  Ay,  Mafter  Shallow  mould  know  fomethin'g  of 
the  law  too.  Was  not  he  at  Clement's-inn  when  thou  wert 
firft  enter'd  there  ?  That  muft  be  many  years  ago,  Mr. 
Pleadwell. — Let  me  fee.  How  many  years  ago  muft  that 
be,  Mafter  Shallow? — Why  you  carry  your  age  well, 
Mr.  Pleadwell. 

Shal.  Pretty  well,  pretty  well,  Sir  John,  but  that > 

Fal.  Nay  marry,  I  fay,  very  well,  Mafter  Shallow. 
And  pray  what  is  become  of  young  Puzzlecaufe,  and  Dick 
Silvertongue,  your  fellow  ftu dents  there  ?  they  were  call'd 
to  the  bar,  I  fuppofe.  That  Dick  was  a  prate-a-pace 
rogue  ;  and  a  devil  among  the  bona  robas.  He  and 
Mafter  Shallow  here  were  two  with  the  wenches.  Ha^ 
Mafter  Shallow  ! 

Shal.  No  matter,  Sir  John,  at  prefent  we  would  con- 
fer on  other  bufmefs. 

Fal.  Nay,  gentlemen,  if  ye  are  on  bufinefs,  I  crave 
your  pardon,  and  leave  ye.  I  am  not  us'd  to  be  imperti- 
nent. 

Law.  You  are  not  a  going,  Sir  John  ;  it  is  with  you 
our  bufmefs  lies. 

Fal.  Bufmefs  with  me  ! 

Shal.  Yes,  about  the  thoufand  pound,  Sir  John. 
Fal.  What  mean  you,   Mafter  Shallow  ? 
Shal.  That  you  borrow'd  of  me,  Sir  John. 
Slen.  Yes,  Sir  John,  the  thoufand  pound  you  borrow'd 
of  my  couftn  Shallow,   Sir  John. 

Fal.  Take  me  with  ye,  gentlemen,  both  ;  let  me  un- 
derftand  ye.  You  prefented  me,  indeed,  with  a  thouiand 
pound  to  promote  your  intereft  at  court,  Mafter  Shallow  ; 
and  may  depend  on  it,  if  I  can  ferve  you — 

Shall.  Fiddle,  faddle,  Sir  John,  I  expect  my  money 
again  :  your  intereft  at  court  is  not  worth  a  farthing. 

Fal.  1  cannot  help  that;  the  more  is  my  misfortune, 
Mr.  Shallow  ;  you  fee  my  heart  is  good. 

Law. 


dS  FAL  STAFF'S   WEDDING. 

Law.  If  fo,  Sir  John,  you  will  not  refufe  to  give  Mr. 
Shallow  fomething  to  ihew  for  his  money,  under  your 
hand. 

Fal.  How  doft  thou  know  that,  Mr.  Pleadweli  ?  Imuft 
eonfult  my  counfel  in  this  cafe. 

Law.  There  is  no  need,  Sir  John  •,  I  will  draw  upa  little 
inftrument,  to  Which  thou  wilt  let  thy  hand  immediately. 

Fal.  Not  while  I  have  a  head,  Mafter  Pleadweli,  "I  like 
not  running  hand  over  head  in  thefe  matters.  By  latter 
Lammas,  or  faint  FalftafFs  day,  I  may  perhaps  bethink  me. 

Law.  I  know  of  no  faint  of  thy  family  in  the  kalendar, 
Sir  John. 

Fal.  Well,  well,  there  may  be  faints  of  a  worfe.  Our 
merit  :hath  not  flood  in  the  way  of  promotion ;  that's  all: 
andyet  there  are  as  many  whoremafters  there  as  lawyers, 
I  believe.  Bat  I  cannot  tarry  now  to  hold  -farther  queftion 
with  thee-,  fatigued  as  I  am,  and  earn  eft  to  reach  my 
lodgings  yonder. 

Law.  If  thou  wilt  there  fign  the  inftrument,  Sir  John, 
we  wall  attend  you  thither. 

Fal.  Wilt  thou  ?  it  is  a  notorious  bawdy-houfe. 

Law.  No  matter,   Sir  John. 

Fal.  No  matter,  fayft  thou?  Is  it  then  no  matter  for 

one  of  the  grave  iages  of  the  law  to  be  feen  in  a  public 

bawdy-houfe  ?  Lord,  Lord,  what  will  this  world  come 

.  to  i  My  confcience,  however,   is  more  tender  :   I  fhould 

be  forry  to  give  fuch  occafion  of  fcandal. 

Law.  Pleafe  you,  Sir  John,  to  -be  ferious.  Let  us 
rightly  underftand  each  other. 

Fal.  With  all  my  heart,  good  Mafter  Pleadweli  3  then, 
to  be  plain  with  you,  I  find  you  do  not  know  me.  You 
talk  to  me  of  reftitution  and  conditions  ;  did'ft  thou  ever 
■know  Sir  John  FaKtaff*  make  reftitution  on  any  condi- 
tions ?  And  doft  thou  think  me  fo  unpractis'd  a  courtier  as 
to  return  the  perquifites  of  my  calling,  becaufe  I  am  turn'd 
out  j  or  to  reftore  the  purchafeof  my  good-will,  becaufe  I 
am  not  likely  to  get  in.  What  take  ye  me  for  a  younker? 
a  geek  ?  Go  to —  you  cannot  play  upon  me. —  Mafter 
Shallow,  reft  you  content :  your  money  is  in  good  hands  ; 
and,  if  I  do  not  fpend  it  like  a  gentleman,  never  truft  me 
with  a  thoufand  pound  again. 

Shal, 


FALST  AFF's  WEDDING.  27 

Shal.  Oh !  that  I  ever  did  truft  fuch  a  caitiff! 

Law.  But,  pray,  were  thefe  the  conditions,  Mr.  Shal- 
low ?  Was  you  to  be  repaid  by  a  place  at  court  ? 

'Slen.  To  be  lure.  Why  what  do  you  think,  Mr. 
Pleadwell,  coufin  Shallow  was  fool  enough  to  lend  a  thou- 
fand  pound  for  nothing  ?  Why,  I,  myfelf,  was  to  be  made 
a  great  man  too  •,  and  that  into  the  bargain. 

Shal.  Coufin  Slender,  {peak  in  your  turn,  I  pray  you. 

Law.  Were  thefe  terms  fpecified  ? 

Fal.  Not  indeed  on  parchment,  fignatum  etjigillaiumj 
Mr.  Pleadwell.  A  courtier's  promife  is  not,  indeed,  very 
good  in  law.  But  I  can  tell  ye  the  polls  I  mould  have 
procur'd  for  thefe  noble  'fquires  :  and  by'r  lady,  thou  wilt 
fay  they  would  have  been  well  occupied.  Having  a  little 
pique  or  fo  at  my  Lord-chief-juftice,  and  Mr.  Shallow, 
here,  thinking  himfelf  qualified,  I  promis'd  him  my  in- 
tereft  for  his  worfhip's  removal  from  the  quorum  to  his 
lordlhip's  place  on  the  bench.  Was  it  not  fo,  Mr.  Shal- 
low ? 

Shal.  Don't  belye  me,  Sir  John,  don't  cheat  me  of 
my  money,  and  laugh  at  me  too.  Robert  Shallow  efquire 
will  not  put  up  with  that. 

Fal.  Then  for  Mr.  Slender  here,  I  purpos'd,  for  his 
addrefs  and  elocution,  to  have  got  him  appointed  orator  to 
the  houfe  of  parliament ;  or  otherwife,  in  consideration  of 
his  figure  and  magnanimity,  to  have  made  him  a  ftaff 
officer,  or  captain  of  horfe,  at  the  leafl. 

Slen.  Nay,  Sir  John,  you  did  not  tell  me  what ;  but 
I  expected  fome  notable  place,  I'll  allure  ye  :  for  I  look 
upon  myfelf,  plain  'fquire  as  I  Hand  here,  to  be  fomebody. 

Shal.  Coz,  coz,  you  are  an  afs,  coz. 

Slen.  Why,  why,  I  didn't  lend  him  any  money,  I. 

Law.  Juftice  Shallow,  this  is  a  very  fimple  affair.  I  am 
fbrry  it  is  not  in  my  power  to  ferve  you  in  it.  Sir  John, 
if  you  had  either  honour  or  honefty,  you  would  reftore  the 
money;  but,  as  you  make  pretenfions  to  neither,  I  leave 
you.  [Exit  Lawyer, 


SCEN  E 


28  FALSTAFF's  WEDDING. 

SCENE    VI.     Street  continued. 
Falstaff,  Shallow,  and  Slender. 

Fal.  Well,  my  matters,  you  hear  the  counfel  learned 
in  the  law.  Will  you  to  flipper  with  me  ?  You  mall 
fee  I  am  no  niggard.  If  you  will  lodge  with  me  in  Eaft- 
cheap,  you  mail  fee  the  thoufand  pound  fairly  fpent  in  fack : 
you  mall  fhare  with  me  to  the  utmoft  farthing.  But  for 
dry  reftitution,  I  have  not  been  accuftom'd  to  it  of  many 
years.  You  would  not  have  me  a  changeling  at  this  time 
of  day,  I  hope,  Mafter  Shallow. 

Shal.  Changeling !  no,  Sir  John,  thou  art  no  change- 
ling •,  but,  depend  on  it,  I  will  not  put  up  this  wrong. 
Robert  Shallow,  efq-,  will  neither  eat  nor  drink  with  thee. 
I  will  have  further  advice,  and,  if  the  law  will  not  help  me, 
I  will  take  other  methods.  I  will  have  my  money  ;  depend 
on't  I  will  have  my  money.  [Exit  Shallow. 

Slen.  Ay,  ay,  we  mail  find  means  to  get  the  money ; 
never  fear.  ,  [Exit  Slender. 

SCENE    VII.     Street  continued. 

Falstaff,  folus. 

Nay,  I  fear  it  not —  at  leaft  before  I  fhall  have  found 
means  to  fpend  it :  and  then,  get  it  who  may  •,  it  concerns 
not  me.  We  fhall  fee,  however,  whofe  bufinefs  will  be 
done  nrft.  Mine  will  go  merrily  forward.  Ah  !  mallow 
Mafter  Shallow !  But  v/ho  could  have  thought  the  fnipe 
would  have  went  to  counfel,  to  get  himfelf  laugh'd  at  ? 
Then  to  fee  how  demurely  Sir  Slyboots  angled  for  me,  as 
if  I  had  been  a  gudgeon!  How  cunningly  the  rafcally  bar- 
rador  would  have  hook'd  me  on  his  inftrument !  But  I  was 
even  with  the  methodical  knave. — My  friend  Shallow  will 
never  bring  it  to  bear  an  action  at  law  •,  and  if  he  mould, 
as  I  have  the  cam,  I  am  on  the  right  fide  of  the  hedge. 
Indeed,  were  I  to  go  to  law  for  a  mint  of  money,  I  would 
chufe  to  have  it  all  in  my  poiTeiiion.  There  is  nothing 
like  it.  PofTemon  is  the  very  life's  blood  of  a  bad  caufc  : 
on  the  ftrength  of  which  in  mine,  I  will  home  to  flipper. 

[Exit. 

SCENE 


FALSTAFF's    WEDDING.  29 

SCENE    VIII.     A  Tavern  inEASTCHEAp. 
Enter  Bardolph,  Mrs.  Quickly,  andDoLTEARSHEET. 

Bar.  He  will  be  here  incontinently,  hoftefs  :  I  only 
ftept  before  to  let  you  know  he  was  a  coming. 

Quick.  But  is  it  veritably  true,  Bardolph,  that  Sir 
John  has  got  a  thoufand  pound  by  him  ? 

Dol.  Ay,  is  that  true,  Bardolph  ? 

Bar.  True,  upon  honour  ;  he  had  it  of  juflice  Shallow 
of  Gloucefterfhire  ;  and  it  lies  now  in  mafter  Gingle-cafh, 
the  banker's  hands.  But  Sir  John  will  be  here  momenta^- 
bly.     Is  ev'ry  thing  ready  ? 

Quick.  In  a  minute  we  are  all  clear.  Run,  good  Dol, 
and  receive  the  knight  at  the  door.  Francis  !^  what, 
Francis ! 

Fran,  (without)  Anon,  anon,  Sir. 

Quick.  Light  up  candles  in  the  paffage.  A  bottle  of 
fherris,  Francis,  quick,  you  fleeping  knave. — Always  upon 
a  mail's  gallop!  O  that  ever  woman  mould  be  plagued, 
with  fuch  creeping  varlets  ! 

Dol.  O,  here  is  Sir  John,  himfelf. 

SCENE    IX.     Tavern  continued. 
Enter  Sir  John  Falstaff. 

Quick.  Jaded  to  death,  I  warrant !  —  An  eafy  chair, 
good  Bardolph.     Pleafe  you  to  depofe  yourfelf,  Sir  John. 

Fal.  Soh !  now  have  I  taken  up  my  fitting  again,  in 
my  old  quarters.     A  glafs  of  fherris,  Francis  ! 

Dol.  And  how  do  you  find  yourfelf,  my  fweet  knight  ? 

Fal.  Tolerably  thirfly.  {Drinks)  I  can  drink  j  and 
that  is  all  the  bodily  functions  I  am  capable  of.  I  am  as 
ftiff,  ev'ry  part  about  me,  as  a  walking  taylor  or  Don 
Diego  on  a  fign-pofl. 

Dol.  Nay,  Sir  John,  if  that  be  the  cafe,  it  is  not  ov€r 
with  you  yet.     Give  me  a  bufs. 

Fal.  Go,  Dol,  you  are  riggifh  —  get  you  gone  you 
water- wag-tail,  you  -}  I  am  not  merrily  difpos'd. 

Dol.  But,  will  you  give  me  a  new  kirtle  at  Bartiemew 
fair  ? 

Fal 


:" 


3o  FALSTAFF's  WEDDING. 

Fal.  I  will,  Dol. — Nay,  I  cannot  bear  you  on  my  knee- 

Dol.  Why,   how  came  you   fo  terribly   maul'cT,    my 
leman  ? 
r^AL.  Did  not  I  tell  ye? 

Quick.  No  indeed,  Sir  John,  your  honour  fpoke  of 
fatigue  ;  but  did  not  defcend  to  particles.  Your  honour 
fell  afleep,  you  know. 

"Fal.  Well  then,  I  will  tell  ye  now.  Give  me  firft  a 
glafs  of  fherris.  {Brinks)  You  muft  know  that,  after  the 
king  (hang  him  for  a  fheep-flealing  cur)  gave  "me  that 
rebuff  I  told  you  of  ■,  he  flalk'd  magifterially  away,  and  left 
me  to  the  mercy  of  the  multitude  :  when,  as  I  flood  par- 
leying with  mine  antient  •,  mine  arms  a-kembo  thus ;  a 
&not  of  elbowing  earls  bore  me  down  before  them,  with 
the  impetuofity  of  a  torrent.  Lo  !  there  was  I,  jamm'd 
fafl  in  the  midfl  of  a  vile  groupe  of  mechanics,  as  if  we 
'  had  grown  together  in  a  body  corporate :  and  in  this 
jeopardy  was  I  carried  along-,  fometimes  bolfler'd  up  on  all 
fides,  at  the  confluence  of  feveral  turnings,  like  a  May- 
pole ; '  and  at  others,  wire-drawn  between  two  flone- waifs, 
•  as  if  they  meant  to  make  chitterlings  of  me :  now  this  fair 
round  belly  taking  the  form  of  a  chriftmas  pie,  and  by;  and 
by  prefs'd  as  flat  as  a  pancake.  It  is  a  miracle  I  did  not 
burft  in  the  midfl  of  them.  Had  it  not  been  for  the  fuffi- 
ciency  of  my  buff  doublet,  I  fhould  have  certainly  burfled. 

Dol.  If  you  had,  Sir  John,  you  would  have  went  off 
with  a  report  like  a  bladder. 

Fal.  A  bladder,  ye  jade,  a  demi-culverin  at  IeafJ.     I 
fhould  have  died  an  hero :  my  exit  would  have  made  fome 
noife  in  the  world. 
t         Quick.  Heav'n  forbid,  Sir  John,  you  fhould  ever  die 
a  virulent  death  I  fay. 

Dol.  I  hope,  indeed,  fweet  knight,  you  will  never  be 
prefs'd  to  death.  That  muft  be  an  odd  end,  and  yet  me- 
thinks  I  could  bear  much. 

.  Fal.  I'll  be  fworn  thou  could'fl,  Dol :  but  thou  art  a 
woman,  and  made  to  bear.  D  ,{ 

Quick.  Yes,  in  good  footh,  poor  woman  is  made  to 
bear  ev'ry  thing.  She.muft  fufTer  all  a  man's  ill  humours  ; 
let 'em  lie  never  lb  heavy  upon  her :  and,  by  my  truly 
ibmc  men  are  nothing  elfe.     But,  to  be  fure,  Sir  John, 

yo« 


FALSTAFF's    WEDDING.  31 

you  was  us'd  moft  unhumanly.     Would  no  body  take  pity 
upon  you  ? 

Fal.  Pity  !  the  moft  remorfelefs  rafcals !  they  made  no 
more  of  me  than  if  I  had  been  a  lump  of  dough,  they  were 
kneeding  to  make  dumplings  of:  and  to  expoftulate  with 
the  villains  would  have  been  preaching  to  the  winds. 

Dol.  Why  did  not  you  exert  your  courage,  Sir  John  ? 
draw  upon  them  ? 

Fal.  Draw,  fayflthou  ?.  I  could  not  come  at  my  rapier, 
to  be  mafter  of  a  kingdom.  And  as  for  good  words, — in 
return  for  the  few  I  gave  them,  they  let  fly  their  jefts  fo 
thick  at  me,  and  pepper'd  me  fo  plaguely  with  fmall  wit* 
that  I  was  dumbfounded. 

Dol.  I  thought  you  would  never  have  been  overmatch'd 
that  way,  Sir  John. 

Fal.  Yet  fo  it  was,  Doll.  They  were  holiday-wits, 
and  came  loaden  with  choke-pears  :  but,  indeed,  I  was 
overpower'd  by  numbers.  Two  to  one,  Doll,  you  know — 
They  pelted  me  from  all  quarters.  Will  you  hear :  I  will 
give  you  a  fpice  of  their  farcafms ;  a  fampie  of  the  gibing 
pellets  they  threw  at  me.  As  I  was  thus  Hemming  the  tide 
and  crying  out  for  the  lord's  fake,  a  dried  eel's-lkin  of  a 
filhmonger  afk'd  me  how  I  could  complain  of  the  crowd. 
"  Is  a  porpoife  ill  at  eafe,  faid  he,  amidft  a  glut  of  fprats 
"  and  herrings  ?"  I  had  not  time  to  anfwer  the  fmelt,  be- 
fore a  barber-furgeon,  the  very  model  of  the  fkeleton  in 
his  glafs-cafe,  offered  to  tap  me  for  the  dropfy ;  and  to 
make  us  all  elbow-room  by  letting  out  a  puncheon  of 
canary,  at  my  girdle.  Right,  cries  a  third,  at  the  word 
canary,  "  I'll  be  hang'd  if  any  thing  be  in  the  doublet  of 
"  that  fat  rogue  but  hog's-fkins  of  Spanifh  winej"  and 
incontinently  they  roar'd  out,  on  all  fides,  "  Tap  him, 

"  there,— tap  him,  mafter  furgeon." 'Sblood ;  I  was 

forc'd  to  draw  in  my  horns,  and  be  filent  j  left  the  villains, 
being  thirfty,  lhould  force  the  fhaver  to  operation.  The 
knave,  indeed,  was  five  weavers  off,  and  fo  could  not 
well  come  at  me  ;  I  might  otherwife  have  been  drunk  up 
alive. 

Dol.  Indeed,  my  witty  knight,  you  was  rnatch'd. 
Pal.  Wasn't  I,  Dol  ? 

Dol. 


32  fAL  STAFF'S    WEDDING. 

Dol.  And  pray  how  cam'ft  thou  off  at  kit,  Sir  John  ? 

Fal.  By  mere  providence  :  for,  after  the  barbarous  raf- 
cals  had  fqueez'dthe  breath  out  of  my  body,  they  buffetted 
me  becaufe  I  could  not  roar  out,  God  fave  the  king.  At 
length,  I  know  not  how,  they  threw  me  down  in  the  cloi- 
fters,  where,  falling  crofs-wife  and  the  v/ay  being  narrow, 
I  fairly  block'd  up  the  paflage  :  upon  which  ( for  they  could 
not  ftraddle  over  me)  they  took  another  way  (a  plague  go 
with  them  !)  for  fear  of  lofing  the  mow.  And  thus  I  was 
left  to  take  in  wind,  and  gather  myfelf  up  at  leifure. 

Dol.  And  did  the  mangy  villains  fo  play  upon  thy  fack- 
but  ?  fo  maul  this  poor  round-belly  ?  a  parcel  of  lapiefs 
twigs !  dry  elms,  fit  only  for  fuel !  I  would  I  had  the 
burning  of  them. 

Fal.  Wouldft  thou  fire  them,  Dol  ?  Hal  art  thcu  touch- 
wood ftill,  Dol  ? 

Dcl.  Nay,  Sir  John,  not  fo. 

Quick.  No,  I'll  be  fworn,  Sir  John,  to  my  carnal 
knowledge,  if  there  be  truth  or  faith  in  medicine.  But  Sir 
John,  what  would  your  honour  pleafe  to  have  for  fupper  ? 

Fal.  Another  glafs  of  fherris — fill  me  out,  Bardolph. 
I  cannot  eat.  I  have  lofl  my  appetite  by  the  way.  Put 
an  egg  into  a  quart  of  mulFd  fack,  and  give  it  me  when  I 
am  a-bed.     I  will  to  fleep. 

Dol.  Would  you  have  your  bed  prepar'd,  flrait,  Sir 
John  ? 

Fal.  Ay,  on  the  inftant,  good  Dol.  Hoftefs !  go  thou 
and  fee  to  the  brewage  of  my  fack. 

[Exeunt  Dol  and  Mrs.  Quickly. 

SCENE    X.     Tavern  continued. 

Enter  Peto,  leading  in  Pistol,  groaning  and  hanging 

his  head. 

Fal.  Heigh  >  heigh  ;  whofe  other  mare's  dead  ? 

Pistol.  Come  Clotho,  Atropos,  and  filters  three ! 
Wind  up  my  web  •,  for  Piftol's  flafh  is  out. 

Fal.  What  is  the  matter,  Peto  ? 

Peto.  Matter,  Sir  John  !  The  mob  at  Weftminfter 
have  almoft  murder'd  poor  Pillol,  here.  I  thought  I 
never  mould  have  been  able  to  get  him  home  alive. 

Fal. 


FALST AFF's  WEDDING.  33 

Fal.  And  how  fo  ?. 

Peto.  Why,  Sir  John,  being  got  upon  a  cooler's  bulk 
to  fee  what  was  become  of  your  honour  a  raw-bon'd 
fwaggering  ferjeant,  that  was  coming  by,  whipt  hold  of 
him  by  the  leg,  and  threw  him  on  the  people's  heads; 
where,  being  no  room  for  him  to  come  to  the  ground* 
they  fhoulder'd  him  about  from  poft  to  pillar,  as  they 
would  have  done  a  hedge-hog,  or  a  dead  rabbit  that  had 
been  thrown  among  them.  I  faith,  I  thought  they  would 
have  kill'd  him. 

Fal.  How  !  was  that  Piftol  ?  I  faw  the  bUftle  at  a 
diftance,  but  took  the  caufe  of  it  for  lome  huge  boar  cat, 
the  porters  and  'prentices  had  got,  to  make  fport  withal. 
By  the  Lord*  Piftol,  I  have  a  fellow-feeling  for  thy  mif- 
fortunes.     But  art  thou  hurt  ?  where  art  thou  wounded  ? 

Pistol.   Ah,  lucklefs  knight !  is  merit   thus  repaid  ? 
Doth  fortune  play  the  jilt  with  men  of  mould  ? 
Then  Piftol  lay  thy  head  in  Parco's  lap. 

Fal.  Good  ancient,  let  me  advife  thee  to  hie  to  bed, 
and  lay  thy  head  on  a  pillow. — -Peto*  fee  to  him. — I  too 
will  follow. — Bardolph  ! 

Light  me  to  bed — let  Dol  bring  up  the  fack, 
Empty  the  jorden,  and  tuck  up  my  back. 

[Exeunt* 

■s  jm 
End  of  the  Second  Act. 

ill 

ACf    III.     S  C  E  N  E    I, 

An  Antichamber. 

Enter  Lord  Scroop  and  Friarj 

Scroop.  TJ  Y  th'  holy  rood,  an  early  rifer,  father. 

J3    Friar.  Each  morn,  my  lord,   at  crowing 
of  the  cock* 

D  It, 


34  FALSTAFF'sWEDDING. 

It  is  her  wonted  cuftom  thus  in  pray'r 
To  ufher  in  the  day.     But  fee  fhe  comes. . 

[Enter  Eleanor  Poins,  reading-. 
Scroop.  How  fair  a  penitent !  good  friar  excufe  us. 
I  have  a  farewell  errand  from  his  highnefs, 
Intended  only  for  this  lady's  ear. 

Friar.  My  lordy  I  leave  her  with  you. 

[Exit  Friar. 

SCENE    II.      Antichamber  continued. 

Lord  Scroop  and  Eleanor. 

■ 

Scroop.  So  early  gentle  fair  one  at  your  onions  ! 

Elea.  Is't  not,  my  lord,  my  duty  to  prepare 
For  th'  holy  Hate  my  fortune  waits  ^embrace, 
By  prior  acts  of  penitence  and  prayer  ? 

Scroop.  O  cruel  fortune  I  is't  for  blooming  youth 
To  ipend  its  prime  amidil  the  doleful  gloom 
Of  fpleenful  iolitude  •,  fhut  from  the  world, 
And  from  the  golden  joys  that  wait  on  beauty  ? 

Elea.  Alas,  my  lord,  my  days  of  joy  are  pafs*d; 
I  have  indeed  pofTefs'd  too  great  a  mare, 
And  all  are  fled.     But  of  my  lord,  the  king ; 
What  errands  need  fuch  honourable  meffengers  r 

Scroop.  How  cruel  is't  to  rob  the  world's  fair  garden 
Of  Mowers  lb  fweet  to  fenfe  and  choice  as  this  ! 

[Halfafde, 
Lady,  indeed,  with  pain  I  recollect 
The  hated  terms  of  my  ungrateful  mefTage  : 
For  little  thole  of  chiding  and  reproof 
Suit  Mafham's  gentle  nature.     Yet  the  king, 
Anger'd  to  fee  what  others  joy  to  look  on, 
Hath  fent  me  to  remind  you  of  his  pleaiure, 
And  haften  your  retirement  from  the  world. 
Your  late  appearance  at  his  coronation, 
It  feems,  hath  much  offended. 

Elean.  Could  that,   my   lord,    be  deem'd  lb  great  a 
crime  ? 
To  wim  to  fee  my  Henry's  face  again, 
Ere  yet  I  bade  the  flatt'ring  world  adieu  •, 
To  take  one  parting  look,  to  drop  a  tear, 

And 


FALSTAFF'sWEDDING.  35 

And  bid  him,  with  mine  eyes,  farewell  for  ever  ? 

Scroop.  Princes,  alas!  are  not  like  other  men -, 
At  ieaft  fo  flatt'rers  buz  it  in  their  ears  : 
While  o'er  their  hearts  vain  pride  ufurps  dominion, 
And  all  the  gentler  pafiions  fall  before  it. 

Elea.  I  fee,  my  lord,  indeed,  I  fee  it  now. 
Say,  'twas  a  fault,  my  failing  heart  betray'd  me  ; 
Yet  'twas  a.  venial  fault-,  the  fault  of  love. 

Scroop.  The  king  affects  to  think  you  difobedient; 

Elea.  And  was  I  ever  difobedient  to  him  ? 
His  will  to  me  was  evermore  a  law  -, 
And  mail  be  {till :  for,  tho'  he  cart  me  off, 
No  other's  pleafure  will  I  ftudy  ever. 
Let  him  not  think  I  wifh  to  difobey  him ; 
Or  feel  one  pang,  in  parting  from  the  world, 
But  from  the  wounds  receiv'd  by  his  difpleaiure. 
Let  him  not.  think  I  valued  but  his  love  -, 
His  fame,  his  honour,  equally  were  dear ; 
And  mine  I've  made  a  facrifice  to  both. 

Scroop.  O  had  poffefTion  of  fo  rich  a  prizCj 
Such  ftore  of  beauty,  tendernefs  and  truth 
But  fell  to  Mafham's  lot  -,  tho'  twice  a  kingj 
I  would  have  worn  it  ever  next  my  heart, 
More  priz'd  than  all  the  jewels  in  my  crown  ! 

Elea.  O  flatter  not,  my  lord,  fo  Henry  flatter'd  : 
So  vow'd  the  prince,  when,  fighing  at  my  f^et, 
He  won  my  eafy,  unfufpecting  heart. 

Scroop.  O  wrong  me  not ;  nor  wrong  thofe  heav'nly 
charms. 
Perdition  catch  me  if  I  meant  to  flatter. 

Elea.  What  means,  my  lord  ? 

Scroop.  For  Henry's  heart,  you've  loft, 
To  give  you  mine  ;  a  heart  that  cannot  change. 
Accept  it,  love,  nor  fay  th'  exchange  is  poor  -, 
For  conltancy  o'erballances  a  crown. 

Elea.  My  lord,  farewell — is  this  thy  hated  errand  ? 
Hated  indeed,  if  Henry  fent  thee  on  it. 
Thou  art  employ'd,  I  fee,  to  try  my  heart : 
It  is  the  king's  till  his  unkindnefs  break  it. 
Ah  how  unkind!  fo  kind  while  yet  a  prince  I 
If  thus  a  golden  crown  can  fteel  his  hearfc 

0  2  O  may 


56  FA  L  STAFF'S  WEDDING. 

0  may  I  ne'er  behold  him  while  a  king ! 
No — be  fbme  humble  cell  my  future  lot, 
Princes  and  kings,  and  all  but  heaven  forgot. 

[Exit  Eleanor. 

SCENE    III.     Antichamber  continued. 
Scroop,  folus. 

Not  yet,  my  fair  one  :  thou  muft  firfl  be  mine  j 
Or  I  am  wide  the  mark  of  woman's  will. 

1  have  a  tale  mail  work  upon  the  king 
To  give  in  charge  this  wanton  up  to  me  ; 
And  if  there's  ought  of  woman  left  about  her, 
I  fhall  find  out  the  means  to  touch  her  heart, 

And  teach  her  kinder  maxims  ere  we  part.  [Exit. 

SCENE    IV.     Tavern  in  Eastcheap. 
Enter  Falstaff  and  Bardolph. 

Fal.  What  time  of  day  is  it,   Bardolph  ? 

Bar.  A  lmoft  eleven,  Sir  John. 

Fal.  Then  have  I  taken  two  found  naps  of  eight  hours 
a-piece.     How  is  it  with  Piftol  to  day  ? 

Bar.  Why,  he's  in  a  bad  way,  Sir  John. 

Fal.  That  all }  — ■  when  was  he  otherwife  ?  who  ever 
knew  Piftol  or  thee  in  a  good  way  ? 

Bar.  And  yet,  Sir  John,  we  are  your  followers,  you 
know. 

Fal.  Well  faid,  Bardolph. — I  fee  thy  wit  is  improv'd. 
I  lead  you  the  way,  it  is  true  •,  but  you  follow  me,  like 
ipaniels,  with  damnable  circumvolutions.  But,  whom 
have  we  here  ? 

Bar.  It  is  the  doctor,  Sir  John,  that  has  been  up  to  kc 
Piftol. 

Fal.  O,  doctor  Mithridate,  the  apothecary  !  a  precious 
rafcal !  [Enter  Apothecary. 

SCENE    V.     Tavern  continued. 
Falstaff,  Bardolph,  and  Apothecary. 
Fal.  So,  mafter  'pothecary,  thou  art  a  man  of  merit,  I 
fee.  Thou  art  fought  after. — How  many  patients  haft  thou 
difpatch'd  to  day  ? 

Apo. 


FALSTAFF's  WEDDING.  37 

Apo.  Not  many,  Sir  John,  I  vifited  your  friend  Fiftol 
early,  and  flatter  myfelf  he  is  in  a  fair  way, 

Fal.  Bardolph  tells  me  he  is  in  a  bad  one  :  fair  and 
good  I  have  heard ;  but  fair  and  bad  never.  But  pray 
what  are  his  complaints  mafter  doctor  ?  I  know  foniething 
of  phyfick. 

Apo.  Why,  Sir  John,  the  cutis  of  the  occiput  is  dila- 
cerated  ;  there  are  tumors  all  over  the  corpus  •,  the  patient 
has  a  delirium,  a  vertigo,  and  befides  the  febrile  fymp- 
toms  indicate  phlebotomy. 

Fal.  Phlebotomy  !  what,  bleeding  ? 

Apo.  A  little,  Sir  John — we  will  only  take  from  him 
fixteen  ounces. 

Fal.  Sixteen  ounces  1  haft  thou  a  defign  upon  his  life  ? 
What,  a  plague,  wouldft  thou  kill  him  ?  He  doth  not 
weigh  four  pounds  averdupoize,  fiefh,  bones,  and  all; 
and  thou  wouldft  take  him  away  by  quarterns  in  a  flop^? 
bafon. 

Apo.  I  hope,  Sir  John,  you  will  not  go  about  to  in- 
ftrucl:  me  in  the  pathology,  the  therapeutice,  the  indica-r 
tions  and  contra-indications.     The  patient  muft  be  bled. 

Fal.  Bleed  fick  apes  and  hyp'd  monkeys.  I  tell  thee 
my  ancient  fball  die  a  natural  death.  Thinkeft  thou  I  will 
have  his  veins  drain'd  to  fill  a  row  of  porringers  in  a  bar- 
ber's fhop- window  ?  Ufe  bits  of  red  cloth  and  be  damn'd ; 
ye  fhall  have  the  blood  of  no  follower  of  mine.  Sixteen  i 
ounces  !  I  tell  thee  not  Galen,  Hippocrates,  nor  Efcula- 
pius  himfelf,  were  they  alive,  ftiould  thus  operate  upon 
him.  Phlebotomy  !  I  will  phlebotomize  ye  all  with  my 
rapier,  by  the  Lord,  if  you  offer  to  draw  a  lancet  on  him. 

Apo.  Well,  well,  Sir  John,  we  will  take  lefs  ;  butfome 
his  cafe  abfolutely  requires  :  and  in  fact,  Sir  John,  if  you 
yourfelf,  being  of  fuch  a  phlethorick  habit,  would  lofe  a 
little  blood,  it  would  not  be  amifs. 

Fal.  Me  !  I  thank  thee.  In  the  blood  is  the  life  of 
the  creature,  and  I  will  not  confent  to  part  with  mine. 

Apo.  It  were  better  alfo,  Sir  John,  you  drank  a  little 
more  water  in  your  wine. 

Fal.  More  water !  I  drink  none. 

Apo.  So  much  the  worfe,  Sir  John,  better  you  did. 

p  3  Fax; 


38  FALSTAFF's  WEDDING. 

Fal.  And  wouldft  thou  perfuade  me,  with  thy  contra- 
indications, that  water  is  better  than  wine  ? 

Apo,  For  fome  conftitutions,  and  in  fome  cafes,  yes, 
Sir  John. 

Fax..  For  thine  perhaps  :  but  mine  thanks  thee  for  thy 
water.    Wine  is  good  enough  for  me. 

Apo.  You  will  not  take  my  advice,  Sir  John,  and  fo 
good  day  to  ye. 

Fal,  Good  day  to  you  mafter,  doctor,  'pothecary. 

[Exit  Apothecary. 

SCENE    VI.     Tavern  continued. 
Falstaff  and  Bardolph. 

Fal.  And  yet  I  know  not  whether  I  ought  to  wifh  that 
neither  ;  for  a  good  day  to  him  mult  be  a  bad  one  to  fbme- 
body.  A  man  of  any  confcience,  or  humanity,  knows  not 
how  to  falute  fellows  of  fuch  an  occupation :  for  who 
would  wifh  the  reft  of  mankind  lame  and  blind,  fick  and 
forry,  to  find  them  employment,  forfooth  ? — PoorPiftol! 
I  would  not  lofe  him,  methinks  •,  for,  tho'  he  be  a  brag- 
gadocio  knave,  he  is  an  old  acquaintance ;  and  1  never 
could  find  in  my  heart  to  part  with  old  acquaintance 
merely  becaufe  they  were  good  for  nothing.  King  Hal 
is  another  fort  of  a  man  to  what  I  am,  to  abandon  his  old 
friends  in  his  profperity  thus.     Poor  Pifto] ! 

Bar.  Ecod,  Sir  John,  it  happen'd  lucky  forme,  I  can 
tell  ye,  that  I  came  off  fo  well  as  I  did,  yefterday. 

Fal.  Ay,  by  'r  lady,  thou  playd'ft  fair  to  get  off  in  a 
whole  fkin,  and  leave  thy  friend  and  mafter  in  extremity. 

Bar.  Nay  'pon  my  honour,  Sir  John,  I  did  my  utmoft 
to  keep  up  with  you  :  but  'twas  unpoflibie  ;  and  indeed  it 
was  very  fortunable  that  I  was  not  myfelf  trod  to  death  by 
the  populous. 

Fal.  Thou  !  tell  me  the  moon  is  a  Suffolk  cheefe  or  a 
Windfor  pear.  Thou  !  Have  I  not  feen  thee  clear  the 
ring,  without  a  ftaff  at  a  bear-baiting  ?  Thou  might'ft 
make  thy  way  through  a  legion,  nay  the  millions  of  a  croi- 
iade  :  why,  who  would  come  within  a  fathom  of  that  fire- 
brand, thy  nofe  ?  It  is  as  a  flaming  two-edged  fword. 
Wouldft  thou  make  me  believe  the  villains  would  come 

near 


FALSTAFF's  WEDDING.  39 

ftear  thee,  to  burn  their  holiday  cloaths  ?  Thou  wouldft 
have  fet  them  a-blazing  like  ftubble,  and  have  eonfum'd 
the  whole  proceffion  of  heralds,  like  men  of  ftraw.  A 
plague  upon  them,  it  was  in  their  avoiding  thee,  I  fuppofe, 
that  I  had  like  to  have  died  a  martyr  to  corpulency. 

Bar.  Sir  John,  you  are  always  plaguing  me  about  my 
face ;  what  would  you  have  me  do  with  it  ? 

Fal.  Do  with  it!  If  there  were  water  enough  in  the 
Thames,  I  would  have  thee  quench  it.  But  water,  I  fear, 
can  do  nothing  for  thee  •,  fmce  I  remember,  when  we  rode 
lail  from  Canterbury,  with  the  rain  beating  full  in  our 
faces,  thou  cam'ft  into  the  Borough  with  thy  nofe  and 
cheeks  glowing  red-hot,  altho'  they  had  been  hifTing  all 
the  way  like  a  horfe-fhoe  or  a  tailor's  goofe.  God  forgive 
me — but  when  thou  rann'fi  behind  the  hedge,  in  fear  of 
the  officer  •,  I  could  not  help  comparing  him  and  thee  to 
Mofes  and  the  burning-bum.  But  thou  wil£  in  time  be 
confumed  :  thy  fire  muft  out. 

Bar.  I  would  it  were  out,  fo  be  I  might  hear  no  more 
on't.  In  troth,  Sir  John,  if  I  muft  be  always  your  butt, 
I  mall  feek  another  fervice  I  allure  ye. 

Fal.  Nay,  nay,  good  Bardolph,  that  mull  not  be.  I 
fpeak  not  in  disparagement,  heav'n  knows  :  for  I  mean  to 
.cherifh  thee  againft  the  lack  of  fuel,  or  the  visitation  .of  a 
Dutch  winter.  Thou  wilt  fland  me  in  good  Head  for  a 
ftove,  and  fave  me  a  noble  a  week  in  the  purchale  of  pit- 
coal. 

Bar.  'Sblood,  Sir  John,  I'll  bear  it  no  longer. 

[Going. 

Fal.  Hold,  Bardolph,  where  art  thou  going  ?  thou 
glow-worm  in  magnature  with  thy  tail  upwards  ;  thou 
pumpion-headed  rafcal,  Hay,  or- 

Bar.  Give  me  good  words,  then,  Sir  John.  Why 
pumpkin-head,  pray  now  ? 

Fal.  Haft  thou  never  feen  a  pumpion?  fantastically 
carv'd  and  (et  over  a  candle's-end,  on  a  gate-poft,  to 
frighten  ale-wives  from  goifiping  by  owl-light  ?  That  is  a 
type  of  thee — that  is  thy  emblem :  thy  head  being  hollow, 
full  of  light,  and  easily  broken  •,  as  thou  fhalt  experience,  if 
thou  offer'ft  to  fly  thy  colours  till  difbanded  by  authority.  I 

P  4  mall 


40  FALSTAFF's  WED  DING. 

Thai!  need  thee,  I  tell  thee,  to  keep  me  warm  under  the 
coldnefs  of  the  king's  difpleafure. 

Bar.  Indeed,  Sir  John,  burnt  fack  and  ginger  will  do 
you  mpre  good  :  for  whatfomever  light  I  may  give,  I  am 
fure,  fet  afide  choler,  I  am  as  cold  as  e'er  a  white-liver'd 
younker  in  town. 

Fal.  Cold,  fayft  thou !  thy  face  would  condemn  thee 
for  an  incendiary  before  any  bench  of  judicature  in  the 
kingdom  !  thou  wouldft  carry  apparent  corn  bufhibles  into 
court  with  thee.  Tell  not  me  of  cold.  Thou  wouldft 
certainly  have  been  hang'd  long  ago,  had  not  the  fheriff 
been  afraid  thou  wouldft  have,  fir'd  the  hangman  or  the 
gibbet. 

Bar.  Why,  Sir  John,  I  have  been  your  attendant  off 
and  on  thefe  twenty  years,  come  Candlemas  ;  and  I  don't 
find  I  have  had  any  luch  effe6t  on  yoii. 

Fal.  The  reafon,  you  rogue,  the  reafon  -,  am  not  I 
oblig'd  to  keep  a  pipe  of  Canary  constantly  difcharging  on 
me?  Are  not  the  tapfters  perpetually  employ'd  ?  the  lack- 
buckets  for  ever  a  going,  to  keep  me  from  blazing  ?  And 
yet  at  times  my  fkin  is  fhrivell'd  up  like  an  April  pippin. 
-  Mark  me  but  walking  an  hundred  paces,  with  thee  glow- 
ing at  my  heels,  if  I  do  not  broil  and  drip  like  a  roafting 
ox. 

Bar.  Ah,  you  are  pleas'd  to  be  hard  upon  me,  Sir 
John,  but  I'm  fur e  my  face  never  hurt  a  hair  of  your 
head. 

Fal.  No  I.  look  at  'em— hath  it  not  turn'd  them  all 
grey  ?  Twenty  years  ago,  before  they  were  calcin'd  by 
thy  fire,  my  locks  were  of  a  nut-brown. 

Bar.  Why,  you  grow  old,  Sir  John. 

Fal.  Old'!  what  call  ye  old?  I  am  a  little  more  than 
threefcpre  ;   and  Methufalem  liy'd   to  near  a  thoufand. 
Why  may  not  I  be  a  patriarch,  and  beget  fons  and  daugh- 
•  ters  thefe  hundred  years,  myfelf  ? 

Bar.  Then  you  mult  get  a  wife,  Sir  John,  for  your 
common  fields,  you  know,  never  bear  clover. 

Fal.  Marry  !  what  to  be  made  a  cuckold  of,  I  warrant 
ye?    "   ' 

Bar.  Why,  Sir  John,  if  you  mould  marry,  you  would 
pot  like  to  be  Gngular,  I  fuppofe. 

FaLo 


FALSTAEF's    WEDDING.  41 

Fal.  Nay,  for  the  matter  of  that,  all's  one :  but  who 
will  have  me  ?  Your  dames  of  breeding  are  too  fine  an4 
finicking  for  me  to  bear  with  them. 

Bar.  Ay,  or  for  them  to  bear  you,  either,  Sir  John. 

Fal.  Nay,  whoever  has  me,  fhe  mufb  be  no  tenderling: 
Jfoe  muft  be  none  of  your  gingerbread  lafies,  that  will  crum- 
ble to  pieces  in  the  towzling.  She  muft  be  none  of  your 
wifny-wafhy,  panada,  gentry  neither ;  your  curd  and  whey 
gentlefolks,  that  cannot  fupport  the  embraces  of  a  foldier. 
I  muft  have  a  kickfy-wickfey  of  more  fubftantial  ftufF. 

Bar.  Why,  Sir  John,  what  fay  you  to  Madam  Urfula, 
your  old  fweetheart  ?  You  have  courted  her  to  my  know- 
ledge thefe  twenty  years  laft  paft.  I  fuppofe  you  know  her 
great  aunt  is  dead,  and  has  itft  her  four  hundred  marks  a 
year. 

Fal.  No,  by  the  lord,  I  heard  nothing  on't.  She  fent 
me  a  letter,  indeed,  intoGloucefterihire-,  but,  I  was  over  a 
bottle,  and  would  not  interrupt  the  glafs  to  read  it.  I  knew 
it  was  hers  by  the  fuperfcription,  which  by  the  way,  how- 
ever, was  as  unintelligible  as  the  hand-writing  on  the  wall. 
It  had  never  reached  me  had  not  the  bearer  been  adecy- 
pherer.  Go,  Bardolph,  and  fetch  it:  you  will  find  it 
among  other  trumpery  in  my  cloak-bag. 

Exit  Bardolph. 

SCENE     VII.    Tavern  continued. 
Falstaff,  folus. 

Four  hundred  marks  a  year,  qucth  he !  It  were  not  an. 
unreafonable  competence  were  not  (herris  comparatively 
fo  dear.  But  if  the  female  incumbrance  on  it  mould  turn 
out  a  flirew  ;  the  Lord  have  mercy  on  me,  in  paying  off 
the  fins  of  my  youth.  Let  me  bethink  me.  Four  hun- 
dred marks  a  year !  I  have,  it  is  true,  fmall  hopes  from 
Hal ;  and  fhall  grow  old  fome  time  or  other.  Thefe 
aches  in  my  limbs  forebode  it.  I  cannot  hold  out  for 
ever;  that's  certain.  Were  it  not  good,  therefore,  to  make 
a  virtue  of  necefiity,  and  take  up  while  I  am  in  cafe  to 
reap  the  credit  of  reformation  ?  Could  I  reconcile  it  to  my^ 
intereft,  I  believe  my  inclination  would  follow. 

SCENE- 


42  FALSTAFF's    WEDDING. 

SCENE    VIII.     Tavern  continued. 
Re-enter  Bardolph. 

Bar.  There,  Sir  John,  is  the  letter. 

Fal.  Come  on  :  let  us  fee  if  we  are  mafter  of  fo  much 

Arabick  as  to  find  out  her  meaning.  {Reads)  Hum 

hum hum !  Why,  dame  Urfula,  thou  haft  a  me- 
mory. I  could  have  credited  thee  for  fubtlety,  on  ac- 
count of  that  old  friend  to  woman,  the  ferpent:  but  how 
thou  cou!dft  remember  for  fifteen  years  together  what 
money  I  owed  thee. — that  indeed  I  cannot  account  for.  I 
have  myfelf  forgot  it  long  fince.  She  tells  me  here,  I  have 
borrow'd  five  hundred  pounds  of  her  at  times,  as  tokens 
of  my  love.  By  the  Lord,  and  as  I  am  a  ibldier,  I  will 
love  her  ftill,  and  (he  (hall  command  femblable  proofs  of  it. 

(Reads  on)  Hum hum Repayment  of  the  money 

or  the  performance  of  my  engagements !  Hoo !  Am  I 
then  to  be  married  on  compuinon  ?  That  will  go  moll 
damnably  againfl  the  grain.  But  hold  —  if  I  marry, 
her  money  will  be  mine  :  if  not,  fhe  may  ceafe  to  lend 
when  fhe  pleaies  :  and  the  fortune  of  that  man  is  always 
at  the  turning  of  the  tide  that  depends  on  the  caprice  of  a 
woman. 

Bar.  Why  marry  her,  then,  Sir  John.  I  dare  fay  fhe 
has  heard  nothing  of  your  difgrace  at  court  -,  fo  that  fhe 
won't  fland  upon  terms. 

Fal.  Marry,  Bardolph,  and  I  am  half  refolv'd  to  do 
fo.  Yea,  by  the  Lord,  and  I  will  too.  She  has  befides 
two  thouiand  pounds  in  money,  I  will  courageoufly 
make  the  attack  and  mount  the  breach  of  matrimony.  If 
I  fall  into  the  hands  of  Philiftines  •,  why,  good  night.  It 
is  but  going  into  purgatory  a  few  years  before  my  time. 
Bardolph,  get  me  pen  and  ink,  in  the  cupid.  Thou  fhalt 
be  one  of  love's  meiTengers. — I  will  write  to  her  in  trope 
and  figure  :  metaphor  and  hyperbole  carry  all  before  them 
with  the  women.  Let  her  refill  lyes  and  nonienfe  if  fhe 
can.  [Exeunt. 


SCENE 


FALSTAFF's   WEDDING*   r  43  ^ 

SCENE    IX.     An  Apartment  at  Court. 

Enter  King  Henry,  the  Earl  of  Cambridge,  and  Lord 

Scroop. 

life.  ^isHT  .jta'S 

King.  (Untring^   to  Scroop.)  I  thank   thee,  Scroop • 
_{T  and  to  thy  zeal  and  care  -  -bidsiA 

Commit  the  bufinefs  of  fair  Nell's  difpofal.  ..„ mmi 

Mean  time,  my  lord,  on  more  important  matter  ytom 

I  need  your  honeft  counfel.— My  good  lord  Cambridge 
Will-give  me  too  his  thoughts  upon  the  bufinefs.    uo$  "uo/{j 

Cam.  ..My  liege,  you  do  me  honour.  f  pnorn 

King.  Not  a  whit.  m  avfid 

You  heard  what  late  th'  archbifhop  mov'd,  in  councilir/oii6d 
Refpecling  the  difpofal  of  church  benefices. 
His  grace  has  laid  a  paper  fince  before  us, 
Wherein  he  Hands  up  ftoutly  for  his  temporals. 

Scroop.  Doubtlefs,  my  liege,  if  churchmen  had  their  - 

will,  oj  nsjii 

The  bell  of  them  woiild  never  give  confent  yldsnoisb 

To  ftrip  the  church  of  its  o'ergrown  poffefTions,      jnom  ipr! 

Tho'  half  the  nation's  wealth  were  in  her  hands.        |J  n^rlw 

King.  But  what  is  thy  opinion,  honeft  Scroop  ?     %'6Sihs 
Is't  not  injuftice  to  deprive  the  church  .nsmow 

Of  thofe  poffefTions  dying  men  have  will'd  <sa2 

By  legal  teftament  ? 

Scroop.  The  publick  good,  I  hold,  my  fov'reign  liege s   ? 
To  be  the  firft  great  rule  of  right  and  wrong: 
The  rights  of  individuals  hence  are  facred 
No  longer  than  conducing  to  the  publick. 
Is't  for  ^your  majefty's,  or  England's,  honour 
That  half  our  glebe  be  holden  by  the  church, 
To  fatten  monks,  and  pamper  lazy  friars, 
That  fwarm  like  peftful  loculls  o'er  the  land  ? 

King.  What  faith  my  lord  of  Cambridge  ? 

Cam.  The  point,  my  liege,  is  truly  nice  and  tender* 
So  deep  the  intereft  of  the  church  is  rooted, 
While  fuch  regard  implicitly  it  claims  -.  ; 

From  ev'ry  true  believer,  that  I  doubt 
If  fuch  a  ftep  can  with  fuccefs  be  taken. 
I  own,  I  never  profited  as  yet 

From 


44  FALSTAFF's  WEDDING. 

From  ought  that  WicklirT,  or  his  tribe,  have  taught; 
Holding  it  facrilege  to  rob  the  church. 

Scroop.  Not  more  than  I,  my  pious  earl  of  Cambridge  j 
No'r  have  I  profited  by  Wickliff's  doctrine. 
But  who  will  call  a  den  of  thieves  the  church  ? 
Why  hold  we  Edward's  memory  fo  dear, 
But  that  thou  knoweft  in  his  glorious  reign 
The  famous  mortmain  flatute  was  enacted  : 
Happy  for  England  that  had  elfe,  ere  now, 
A  nation  been  of  monafteries  and  churches, 
Paying  allegiance  to  its  king  the  pope. 

King.  Ay,  Scroop,  there  lies  the  fore.    The  king,  our 
father, 
Out  of  a  holy  zeal  to  mother  church, 
Slacken'd  the  reins  of  that  prerogative 
The  Edwards  held  fo  tight  upon  the  clergy. 
Hence  new  encroachments,  and  a  bold  contempt, 
Of  our  authority,  from  Rome. 

Cam.  As  touching  this,  my  liege,  the  holy  fee 
Has  doubtlefs  gone  too  far,  in  granting  cures 
To  monks  and  laymen,  and  in  difpenfations 
For  their  non-refidence,  and  other  articles 
Injurious  to  the  honour  of  the  crown. 

Scroop.  Norlefs  injurious  to  its  intereft,  Cambridge. 
Believe  me,  Rome  confults  its  profits  more 
Than  that  our  priefbs  deferve  the  cure  of  fouls ! 
Say  to  what  end  the. clergy  mould  be  rich, 
But  to  lay  out  their  wealth  where  it  improves. 
I  do  not  mean  in  heav'n,   my  gracious  liege  : 
They  lay  not  up  in  ftore  their  treafures  there  : 
But  where  preferments  may  be  bought — at  Rome. 
It  is  to  Rome  their  plate  and  moneys  fly, 
To  fee  ecclefiaftick  fycophants  •, 
To  nurfe  rebellion  ;  and  inflame  the  minds 
Of  bigot  fubjects  'gainft  their  lawful  fovercigns. 

Cam.  My  liege,  the  dukes  of  York  and  Exeter, 
With  the  young  princes,  pafs  along  the  gallery. 

King.  Go,  bid  them  in.  [Exit  Cambridge. 

Scroop,  let  this  fubjecl:  of  the  clergy  reit ; 
I  will  rename  it  at  a  proper  feafon, 

And 


FAL  STAFF'S   WEDDING.  45 

And  hold  thee  farther  queftion  oh  the  matter. 

SCENE    X.     Apartment  continued. 

Enter  Cambridge,    with  the  Dukes  of  Gloucester, 
Bedford,  Clarence,  York,  and  Exeter. 

King.  Well,  my  good  lords,  what  is  the  news  0'  th'  day  ? 
Hear  we  yet  nothing  from  our  brother  Charles, 
Concerning  thofe  lame  dukedoms  we've  requir'd, 
O'er  which  he  lords  it  in  our  realm  of  France  ? 

York.  As  yet,  my  liege,  we've  naught  but  vague  re- 
ports. 
Thefe  fay,  indeed,  the  haughty  French  affect 
To  treat  your  highnefs'  claim  with  proud  difdain  : 
That  Charles  refer'd  your  envoys  to  the  dauphin  ; 
Whofe  meflengers,  already  on  the  way, 
May  hourly  be  expected. 

King.  To  the  dauphin  !  I  fent  them  to  the  king. 

York.  Moft  true  my  liege, 
But  going  hence  before  your  coronation, 
'Tis  faid,  weak  Charles  has  taken  thence  occafion 
To  caft  affront  upon  your  royalty. 

King.  'Tis  well.    The  dauphin's  anfwer  ihall  fuffice. 
Would  it  were  come  :  I  long,  methinks,  to  hear 
The  meffage  Charles  himfelf  difdain'd  to  fend. 
I  would  not,  for  his  fake,  it  mould  give  caufe 
To  make  him  blulh  for  his  young  heir's  difcretioit. 
Our  coufin's  wit,  we're  told,  is  pafling  fhrewd, 
Tho'  oft  ill-tim'd;  and  hurtful  to  his  friends. 
Let  him  beware — mine  was  no  idle  errand  : 
And  well  deferv'd  a  king's  moft  ferious  anfwer. 

Exeter.  The  fon's  difcretion  yet  may  match  the  fire*s; 
Who,  with  fuch  unadvifed  affectation, 
Prefumes  to  treat  your  majefty  fo  lightly. 

Scroop.  Affect  contempt !  a  flapping,  meagre  tribe  I 
And  mail  the  ape  unpunifh'd  mock  the  lion  ? 
By  heav'n,  my  liege,  I  would  fo  well  chaftife  them^— 

King.  My  lords,  our  judgment  hold  we  in  fufpenfc 
Until  thefe  French  ambaffadors  arrive. 
For  heav'n  defend  we  mould,  in  pride  or  wantonnefs, 
Awake  the  furv  of  grim-vifagM  war, 

To 


46  FALSTAFF's   WEDDING. 

To  wave  her  bloody  banner  o'er  a  kingdom, 

And  reap,  with  th'  fword,  the  harveft  of  deftrudtion. 

Yet,  to  lay  truth,  I  cannot  flatter  me 

So  fierce  and  formidable  a  pow'r  as  France, 

At  once,  will  yield  to  part  with  her  poffefnons, 

In  pure  regard  tojuflice  and  our  right, 

Reftoring  quietly,  upon  demand, 

Thofe  fertile  dukedoms,  feignories,  and  towns, 

That  add  the  greateft  luftre  to  the  crown, 

And  conftitute  the  ftrength  of  half  the  kingdom. 

York.  On  that  molt  politick  and  juft  fufpicion, 
Wifely  your  highnefs  doth  augment  your  forces  ; 
Levying  new  pow'rs,  to  keep  in  awe  the  Scots, 
And  in  your  abfence  curb  domeftick  broils  ; 
While,  taking  meet  advantage  of  the  time, 
You  may  by  force  acquire  what  force  detains. 

King.  Uncle,  this  is  mofl:  needful — fee  we,  therefore, 
Our  warlike  preparations  do  not  flag. 
Be  we  prepar'd,  that,  as  occafion  ferve, 
We  may  tranfport  our  powers  acrofs  the  main, 
And  on  the  fpot  our  rightful  caufe  maintain.      [Exeunt. 

S  C  E  N  E    II.     An  Apartment. 
Dame  Ursula,  and  Bridget  attending. 

Urs.  And  do  you  think,  Bridget,  Sir  John  will  at  laft 
be  as  good  as  his  word,  then  ?  How  fits  my  ruff  to  day  ?  I 
would  thou  hadft  bought  me  one  of  thofe  new-fafhioned 
farthingales. 

Brid.  O,  madam,  you  are  mighty  fine,  as  it  is,  truly: 
and,  I  am  fure,  Sir  John  can  do  nothing  lefs  than  admire 
you. 

Urs.  Thinkeft  thou  fo,  Bridget  ?  why,  to  be  certain, 
a  peach-colour'd  fattin  does  become  my  complexion 
hugely.  But  I  think  the  rofes  are  faded  in  my  cheeks. 
Well,  no  matter  :  he  might  have  gather'd  them  twenty 
years  ago,  had  not  he  been  a  rover.  I  hope,  however, 
he  has  fown  all  his  wild  oats  before  now,  and  that  I  fhaH 
yet  have  the  fatisfaftion  to  be  call'd  my  lady  Falftaff. 

Brid.  To  be  fure,  madam  •,  and  tho'  Sir  John  is  but  a 
knight  at  prefent,  he  will  very  afluredly,  now  the  young 

kin": 


FALSTAFF's  WEDDING.  47 

king  is  crown'd,  be  made  a  great  lord,  and  may  be  a  duke. 
Indeed,  madam,  I  cannot  think  of  lefs. 

Urs.  And  then  mail  I  be  a  dutchefs,  Bridget.  jDame 
Urfula  a  dutchefs  ! 

Brid.  Ay,  madam,  that  will  be  a  day  to  fee  ;  if  I  am  fo 
happy  as  to  be  in  your  grace's  favour. 

Urs.  For  certain,  Bridget,  thou  malt.  Well,  I  mufi 
confefs,  in  fpite  of  my  blufhes,  I  do  love  Sir  John  Falflaff. 
How  like  a  icholar  and  a  gentleman  he  writes. 

[Takes  out  a  letter,  and  reads. 

"  To  my  foul's  idol,  the  mirror  of  love  and  conftancy." 
Conftancy  !  he  might  well  fay  conftancy  :  for  who  among 
the  gill- flirts  of  thefe  days  has  referv'd,  like  myfelf,  the 
fame  affection  for  the  fame  man  for  twenty  years  together  ? 
It  is  true,  indeed,  I  have  not  had  any  other  offer,  in  the 
mean  time  :  but  that  doubtlefs  has  been  owing  to  my  fup- 
pofed  engagements  with  Sir  John ;  that  frighten'd  away 
all  other  young  cavaliers.  Well,  this  love  is  a  ftrange 
-thing  I  there  is  Sir  John  has  deceiv'd  me  a  thoufand  times, 
and  yet,  I  know  not  how,  he  always  perfuaded  me  he  was 
lincere. 

Brid.  A  fure  fign  you  lov'd  him,  madam. 

Urs.  And  yet,  to  be  fure,  before  I  receiv'd  this  letter, 
I  thought  I  never  mould  hear  from  him  again,  and  had 
almoft  come  to  a  refolution  to  carl  him  entirely  off. 

Brid.  In  good  footh,  madam,  and  that  is  very  pru- 
dent •,  to  caft  off  a  lover  when  we  find  he  will  leave  us. 

Urs.  I  think  fo,  and  not  a  little  imprudent  to  do  it  be- 
fore, for  one  of  my  years  at  leaft. 

Brid.  Why,  madam,  you  are  not  fo  old. 

Urs.  Indeed,  but  I  am — old  enough  to  know  I  ought 
not  to  part  with  one  lover  'till  I  am  fure  of  another. 

Brid.  To  be  fure,  madam,  a  bird  in  the  hand  is  worth 
two  in  the  buffi  •,  but  the  fport  of  hampering  the  rogues, 
who  are  at  liberty,  is  fo  vaftly  pretty. 

Urs.  Ay,  if  we  were  fure  of  catching  them  at  laft : 
but,  Bridget,  Bridget,  how  often  do  they  efcape  through 
our  ringers  and  give  us  the  flip  !  Befides  it  is  for  younger 
laffes  than  I  to  go  bird-catching. — I  cannot  throw  fait  on 
the  tail  of  a  fparrow  now, 

Brid, 


48  FAL  STAFF'S  WEDDING. 

Brid.  O,  madam,  we  fhall  fee  that.  Sir  John  will  be 
here  prefently. 

Urs.  Blefs  us,  Bridget,  here  he  comes.  Introduce  him 
and  leave  us.  [Exit  Bridget. 

SCENE    XII.     Same  Apartment  continued. 
Enter  Falstaff. 

Fal.  Well,  my  fair  princefs,  fee  thy  wand'ring  knight; 

Urs.  Welcome  to  London,  Sir  John  •>  thou  art  indeed 
a  wanderer. 

Fal.  A  true  knight-errant  for  thy  fake. 

Urs.  For  my  fake,  Sir  John  ? 

Fal.  Ay,  for  thine,  my  Helen.  Have  I  not  encoun- 
ter'd  tremendous  giants  and  fiery  dragons,  in  the  rebels  of 
Northumberland  and  Wales  ?  And  then  for  magicians  and 
enchanted  caftles  :  Owen  Glendower  and  his  Welch  devils 
we  put  to  the  rout ;  and  many  a  ftrong-hold  between  here 
and  Weft-Chefter  have  I  vifited,  releafingfairdamfels  and 
diftreifed  'fquires  from  captivity.  I  brought  two  of  the 
latter  up  to  town ;  I  would  they  were  fafely  immur'd  in  the 
country  again. 

Urs.  And  all  thefe  exploits  for  me,  Sir  John. 

Fal.  As  I  am  a  true  knight,  to  lay  my  laurels  at  thy 
feet. 

Urs.  Do  you  then  ftill  love  me  in  fincerity,  Sir  John  ? 

Fal.  Do  I  love  thee  ?  Am  I  a  foldier  ?  Have  I  cou- 
rage ?  Love  thee ;  I  will  be  thy  Troilus,  and  thou  fhalt 
be  my  CrefTida. 

Urs.  You  have  long  told  me  fo,  indeed. 

Fal.  And  can  I  lye  ?  Thou  fhalt  be  fole  pofTefTor  of  my 
perfon  and  wealth.  Thou  fhalt  lhare  in  the  honours  done 
me  at  the  court  of  the  new  king.  Thou  fhalt — but  what 
fhalt  thou  not  do  ?  We  will  be  married  incontinently. 

Urs.  O,  Sir  John,  you  know  your  own  power  and  our 
fex's  weaknefs  :  but  indeed  for  decency  I  cannot  fo  fpeed- 
ily  confent.  Befides,  Sir  John,  I  am  not  yet  put  into 
poffemon  of  my  eflate  and  moneys. 

Fal.  Nay  then,  as  thou  fayft,  love,  for  decency's  fake, 
we  mud  bear  with  a  fhort  delay  :  but  I  will  no  longer  be 
kept  out  of  poffefllon  than  thou  art. 

Urs» 


f 


FALSTAFF's  WEDDING,  40 

Urs.  You  fhall  not,  Sir  John  :  and,  in  the  mean  time, 
our  lawyers  fhali  confer  on  the  terms  of  our  marriage. 

Fal.  I  hate  lawyers.     Let  a  prieft  luffice.     Am  not  I  a 
man  of  honour  ? 

To  do  thee  lefs  than  juftice  were  a  fin. 
Giye  me  thy  lips  •,  we'll  fettle  all  within. 

End  of  the  Third  Act* 


ACT    IV.     SCENE     I, 

A  Tavern  in  Eastcheap. 
Sir  Johh  Falstaff,  fitting  at  a  Table.  Enter  BardolphV 

Bar.  OIR  John,  here  is  the  hobbling  friar  again,  that 
j^5  has  been  fo  often  to  afk  after  you.  Shall  we  fay 
you  are  at  home  ? 

Fal.  Ay,  let  him  in.  What  can  the  gouty  precifian 
want  with  me  ?  [Enter  Friar. 

Friar.  Peace  be  with  you.     Sir  John,  God  fave  ye. 

Fal.  Thank  thee  good  father.  What  is  your  reverence's 
will  ? 

Fri.  I  think  thou  doft  not  know  me,  Sir  John.  It  is 
indeed  many  years  fince  our  peribnal  intimacy :  your  way 
of  life  and  mine >- 

Fal.  Were  fomething  different,  father,  to  be  fure : 
and  tho'  I  may  have  feen  you  before,  it  is  fo  long  fince  I 
have  been  at  fhrift,  that  I  rtiuft  crave  your  pardon  if  I  have 
totally  forgot  ye.  And  yet  your  reverence  may  be  my 
ghoftly  father,  for  ought  I  know. 

Fri.  Fie,  fie,  Sir  John,  a  man  of  your  age  and  gravity. 

Fal.  Hoh !  if  your  bufmefs  be  to  chide  me,  I  fhut 
mine  ears. 

Fri.  If  you  will  not  admit  your  wound  to  be  proVd  5 
how  can  you  expect  to  be  cur'd,  Sir  John ,? 

E  Fal, 


5o  FALSTAFF'sV/EDDING. 

Fal.  Cur'd!  'fblood,  I  took  thee  foraprieft,  and  I  find 
thou  art  a  furgeon. 

Fri.  A  Ipiritual  one,  Sir  John ;  and  fuch  as  your  dif- 
order  requires. 

Fal.  Doft  thou  know  my  cafe  then  ?  A  ipiritual  fur- 
geon fayft  thou  ?  I  am  not  given  over  by  the  ilirgeons  bo- 
dily yet.  Who  call  in  the  divine  till  they  have  lent  out 
the  doctor  ? 

Fri.  I  know  your  cafe  well,  Sir  John.  Il  is  perhaps 
lefs  your  'body  than  your  mind  that  is  infected. 

Fal.  Nay,  like  enough.  I  have  indeed  been  damna- 
bly difpirited  ever  fmce  the  king's  coronation.  A  con- 
founded melancholy  hangs  upon  me  like  a  quotidian  ague. 

Fri.  It  is  that  melancholy,  and  the  caufe  of  it,  Sir 
John,  I  would  remove. 

Fal.  And  how  wouldft  thou  remove  it  ?  By  providing 
me  with  a  charge  of  horfe,  and  reftoring  me  to  the  king's 
favour.     I  know  no  other  way. 

Fri.  By  inducing  thee  to  repent,  and  be  reftor'd  to  the 
favour  of  the  King  of  kings  ±  which  thou  halt  forfeited  by 
a  diftblute  and  abandoned  life.  Doft  thou  not  think  thou 
art  in  a  ftate  of  reprobatio'n  ? 

Fal.  Pray,  friar,  by  what  authority  doft  thou  take 
upon  thee  to  catechife  me  ?  Doft  thou  come  out  of  mere 
charity,  or  art  thou  employ'd  by  thy  fuperiors  ? 

Fri.  Suppofe  the  former,  Sir  John. 

Fal.  Suppofe  the  former,  father  friar,  why  then  the 
devil  is  fo  ftrong  in  me,  that  I  mould  be  tempted  to  throw 
thee  headlong  down  ftairs  for  thy  charitable  impertinence. 

Fri.   Thy  ill-manners,  Sir  John,  would  be  inexcufable, 

■  it  not  to  be  fuppofed  the  confequence  of  an  habitual 

ipathy  to  ev'ry  thing  that  is  good.     But,  I  will  not  lay 

aim  to  greater  merit  than  is  my  due.  I  am  come  by 
order  of  my  Lord-chief-juftice  ;  who  is  fo  much  your  friend 
as  to  intereft  himfelfin  your  reformation. 

Fal.  fuy  Lord  chitr'-juftice  !  that's  another  matter.  I 
cry  thee  mercy,  reverend  father.  I  find  thou'rt  not  the 
man  I  took  thee  for.  Your  reverence  does  me  honour  •, 
and  I  profefs  I  am  much  indebted  to  his  lordlhip's  kind 
love  and  regard  to  my  foul's  health. 

Fri.  You'll  hear  me  then,  Sir  John. 

Fal. 


FALSTAFF's  WEDDING.  51 

Fal.  Yea,  heav'n  forbid  I  mould  not — what  I  faid  was 
meant  again!!  thofe  officious  zealots,  who  are  fo  forward 
to  pry  into  mens  confciences  that  will  not  bear  the  look- 
ito. 

.1.  Sir  John,  we  know  your  failings  •,  and  mail  not 
put  you  to  the  trouble  of  auricular  confefTion  at  prefent. 

Fal.  There,  friar,  thou  win'it   my   heart.     Come  fit 
thee  down.     "Wilt  drink  a  gl'afs  of  fack  ? 
Fiu.  I  never  do,  Sir  John. 

Fal.  I  cry  thee  mercy,  then.  Here  is  to  your  reve- 
rence's health  ;  and  now,  III  teli  thee  what,— I  do  proteft 
I  fit  me  now  upon,  the  flool  of  repentance,  and  have  been 
honeftly  deliberating,  fome  time  paft,  to  change  my  courfe 
of  life.  I  am  heartily  tir'd  of  it.  Indeed,  I  am,  good  fa- 
ther. 

Fri.  I  am  ejad  to  find  thee  in  fuch  promifins  difoofi- 
tions,  and  think  thou  couldit  not  do  better  than  to  betake 
thyfelf,  agreeable  to  his  lordfhip's  indentions,  to  fome  mo- 
nailery,  where  thou  wilt  be  fe  eluded  from  temptations, 
and  have  all  fpiritual  adlilance  to  encourage  thee  to  mortify 
the  defires  of  the  flelh. 

Fal.  Hold  thee  there,  good  father.  Let  me  under- 
ftand  thee.  What !  would  his  lordfhip  make  a  monk  of 
me  ?  I  muff  there  beg  his  pardon.  A  monk  •,  and  to 
mortify  the  flefh  !  For  heav'ns  fake,  good  father,  confide r 
what  a  mortification  indeed  that  muft  be  to  me,  who  have 
fix  times  the  quantity  of  any  other  man.  If  I  mult  be  in- 
cluded within  the  pale  of  the  church,  why  not  make  a 
canon  of  me  (not  indeed  a  minor  canon)  but  a  prebendary, 
or  a  bifhop,  now.  Something  might  be  faid  for  either  of 
thefe.  But  for  a  monk  !  I  know  not  any  thing  I  am  lefs 
fit  for  ;  unleis  indeed  his  lordfhip  had  meant  to  make  a 
running  footman  of  me. 

Fri.  Nay,  Sir  John,  his  lordfhip  will  not  ufe  compul- 
fion  in  this.  He  will  not  fo  far  lay  a  reftraint  on  your  in- 
clinations. 

Fal.  O,  if  I  ever  find  myfelf  that  way  inclin'd ;  his 
lordfhip  may  depend  on  it  I  fhall  be  as  ready  as  ever  to 
follow  my  inclinations.  But  the  lefTon  of  lean  and  fallow 
abflinence  is  very  long  and  hard,  good  father ;  I  am  not 
gotten  half-way  through  the  firft  chapter  yet. 

E  2  Fal. 


52  FALSTAFF's  WEDDING. 

Fri.  Some  fteps,  however,  Sir  John,  you  muft  take, 
toward  a  more  reputable  way  of  life ;  and  that  fpeedily 
too  :  otherwife  you  will  be  ftript  of  the  honours  of  knight- 
hood-, and  the  king's  fentence  of  banifhment  will  be 
ftrictly  put  into  execution  againft  you. 

Fal.  As  to  the  matter  of  knighthood ;  once  a  knight 
and  always  a  knight,  you  know.  The  king  may  make 
as  many  knights  as  he  pleafes  •,  but  he  will  not  lb  eafily 
unmake  them  again.  My  title  will  not  depend  on  the 
king's  courtefy,  but  on  that  of  my  followers.  I  am,  not- 
withftanding,  very  defirous  to  give  his  lordfhip  fatis- 
faclion  :  and  do  allure  thee,  on  the  honour  of  a  foldier,  of 
the  fmcerity  of  my  repentance. 

Fri.  And  yet  this  may  be  only  a  tranfitory  penitence, 
owing  to  your  late  difappointment.  What  reafon  canft 
thou  give  me  to  hope  this  ftate  of  mind  will  continue  ? 

Fal.  Why,  father,  what  I  am  fhortly  going  to  do  is  an 
act,  that  has  confm'd  many  a  man  to  a  ftate  of  repentance, 
which  hath  continued  to  the  lafl  hour  of  his  life. 

Fri.  This,  Sir  John,  is  laying  fomething.  Pray  what 
are  you  going  to  do  ? 

Fal.  I  have  taken  a  refolution,  father,  to What 

doit  thou  think  now  it  is  I  have  refolv'd  upon  ? 

Fri.  Some  commendable  act  of  penance,  no  doubt. 

Fal.  Nay,  it  may  well  be  call'd  fo,  I  believe.  I  am 
determin'd,  good  father,  to  marry. 

Fri.  Call  you  that  an  act  of  penance,  Sir  John  ?  Is 
marriage  a  ftate  of  mortification  ? 

Fal.  I  wifh  i  may  not  find  it  fo. 

Fri.  Well,  Sir  John,  marriage  is  a  holy  ftate  -,  and  in 
fome  degree  I  approve  your  refolution  •,  but,  in  the  efti- 
mation  of  the  church,  it  is  alfo  an  holy  act,  and  ought  not 
to  be  enter'd  into  unadviicdly.  Your  repentance  fhould 
preceed  your  receiving  the  benefit  of  that  facrament. 

Fal.  O,  doubt  not  but  I  ihall  repent  me  fufficiently 
afterwards. 

Fri.  Ah  !  Sir  John,  Sir  John,  I  fear  me  you  are  no 
true  penitent :  but,  however,  it  may  be  lawful  to  ialve 
what  cannot  be  effectually  cur'd.  I  did  not  expect  to 
make  a  convert  at  the  firft  interview.  If  thou  takeft  any 
meafures  that  tend  towVd  reformation,  thou  fhalt  have  my 

prayers 


FALSTAFF's  WEDDING.  53 

prayers  and  beft  afliftance  therein.  Another  time  I  win 
hold  farther  converfation  with  thee. 

Fal.  In  the  mean  time,  good  father,  let  me  ftand  fair 
in  your  report  to  my  Lord  chief-juftice  and  his  majeicy. 

Fri.  Thou  fhalt  ftand  fairer  than  I  fear  thou  deferveft. 
Farewel.  [Exit  Friar. 

SCENE    II.     Tavern  continued. 
Falstaff,  folus. 

Fare  thee  well,  good  father  friar.  What  an  hypocritical 
puritan  !  Would  not  drink  fack  !  Not  with  the  ungodly  I 
luppofe.  But  I  am  damnably  miftaken,  if  he  be  not  in- 
debted for  that  rofy  countenance  and  the  gout,  to  the  pene- 
trating qualities  of  old  fherris.  Bardolph !  get  ready  to 
attend  me  forth.     I'll  tow'rd  St.  Paul's.  [Exit. 

SCENE    III.     An  Apartment  at  Court. 
Enter  King,  Lord  Scroop,  and  others. 

King.  The  French  ambaffadors !  they  fhall  have  au- 
dience. 
But  firft  we  fhall  difpatch  the  faucy  legate. 

Lord.  My  liege,  he  comes  j    and  with  my  lords  the 
biihops. 

SCENE    IV.     Apartment  continued. 

Enter  Archbifhop  of  Canterbury,  the  Pope's  Legate, 
and  other  Biihops. 

Arch.  Heav'n  fhow'r  its  choiceft  bleflings  on  your  ma- 
jefty. 
May  conqueft,  honour,  peace,  and  length  of  days, 
Attend  your  glorious  reign.     My  liege,  the  nuncio. 

King.  Well,  my  lord  cardinal,  your  reverence 
Hath  frefh  difpatches  from  the  court  of  Rome  : 
What  is  their  tenour  ? 

Leg.  Such  as  well  becomes 
The  court  of  Rome,  his  holinefs  our  mailer, 
The  delegate  of  heav'n,  and  firft  in  power 
Of  all  the  kings  and  princes  in  the  world  \ 

E  3  .  Him 


54  FAL  STAFF'S  WEDDING. 

Him  at  whofe  feet  obedient  monarchs  bow, 
As  unto  God's  vice  gerent  here  on  earth. 
In  iubftance  this — your  majefty  muft  yield — 

Scroop.  Mud  !  lordly  prieft !  Where  didft  thou  learn 
thy  manners  ? 
That  word  will  work.  [Aside. 

Leg.  Lord,  where  didft  thou  ?  I  fpoke  unto  the  king. 

King.  Lord  Scroop  your  love  and  zeal  make  you  too 
bold. 

Scroop.  Your  highnefs  pardon  me  ;  but  you're  too  good 
To  grant  an  audience  to  th'  ill-manner'd  prieft, 
Who  dares  to  cait  fuch  infult  upon  majefty. 
Muft  yield,  my  liege  ! 
'„  King.  Proceed,  lord  cardinal. 

Leg.  In  few,  king  Henry,   nothing  will  his  holinefs 
Abate  of  thofe  pretenfions  he  hath  founded, 
Refpecting  the  difpofal  of  church  gifts, 
And  the  provifions  made  by  th'  holy  fee 
For  any  prieft  or  bimop  in  the  realm  : 
By  me  enjoining,  hence,  the  king  of  England 
To  put  them  peaceably  in  full  poiTefiion 
Of  all  the  temporalities,  that  now, 
Or  heretofore,  were  known  to  them  belonging. 

King.  And  all  this  muft  be  done. 

Scroop.  Ay  muft,  my  liege. 

King.  Enough. —  Lord  cardinal,  we  underftand  ye. — 
And  as  we  labour  here  in  fome  neceffity 

Leg.  Yet  more  :  his  holinefs  requires  that  law 
Should  be  repeal'd,  which  now  declares  it  treafon 
To  levy  contributions  on  the  clergy, 
For  fpiritual  ule,  without  content  of  parliament. 

King.  'Tis  well;  thus  much  for  us,  and  now  for  you. 
Your  excellence  muft  take  that  loyal  oath 
Your  predeceffor  took  in  Richard's  time  ; — 
Doft  thou  remembef'tj  uncle  Exeter  ? 

Exet.  It  is,  my  liege,  that  he  fhall  neither  act, 
Permit,  or  caufe  whatever  to  be  acted, 
That's  detrimental  to  the  king's  prerogative, 
Or  laws  o'th'  kingdom  :  that  he'd  execute 
No  bulls  or  mandates  hurtful  to  your  perfon, 
The  rights  o'  th"  crown,  and  legal  conftitution  : 

And 


FALSTAFF's  WEDDING.  55 

And  more  particularly  never  fend 

Our  jewels,  plate,  and  monies  hence  abroad, 

Without  a  licenfe  from  the  king  and  council. 

King.  This,  my  lord  cardinal,  for  you  :   the  reft 
We'll  fend  by  fpecial  envoy  to  the  pope. 

Leg.  Impofe  an  oath  on  me  !  mistaken  prince  ! 
I  am  a  fervant  to  the  King  of  heav'n  ; 
And  owe  allegiance  unto  none  but  him, 
And  to  his  reprefentative  at  Rome. 

King.  See  that  thou  take  this  oath  in  three  days  time, 
Or  henceforth  let  me  fee  thy  face  no  more  ; 
But  leave  our  kingdom  as  you  prize  your  life. 
Nay,  make  me  no  reply.     I'll  hear  no  more. 

[Exit  King  and  Lords. 

S'C  E  N  E    V     Continued. 

Manent  Archbimop  of  Canterbury,  Legate,  and  other 

Biihops. 

Arch.  Lord  cardinal,  you  are  too  bold  and  peremptory- 
Did  not  I  teli  you  this  was  not  your  way  •, 
That  Henry  was  not  to  be  intimidated  ? 

Leg.  You  did.     I  have  indeed  o'erfhot  the  mark ; 
I  fee  the  error  now.     But  fay,  my  lord, 
What's  to  be  done  ? 

i\  rch.  For  Rome,  I  fear  not  much  :  for,  as  for  us, 
Of  England's  clergy,  we  can  aid  you  little. 
We  iliall  have  much  to  do  to  fave  ourfelves. 
Nay,  to  do  this,  I  fee  no  other  means 
Than  that  of  giving  fuch  a  mighty  fum, 
As  may  fuffice  the  prefent  wants  o'  th'  court. 
This  may  perhaps  defer  the  evil  day, 
In  which  the  laity  will  ftrip  the  church. 
But  let's  my  lords  to  Lambeth  •,  there  are  met 
Our  other  rev'rend  brethren,  the  lords  bifhops ; 
There  we'll  commune  together  on  our  grievances. 

[Exeunt  all  but  the  Legate. 

E  4  SCENE 


56  FALSTAFF's  WEDDING. 

SCENE    VI.      Continued. 
Legate,  folus. 

And  is  it  thus  ?  I  then  will  take  this  oath. 

For  hence  I  will  not,  till  this  upftart  king 

Shall  itoop,  and  kifs  the  rod  of  my  correction. 

No,  I  will  flay  and  fow  the  feeds  of  difcord, 

'Till,  like  the  fabled  dragon's  teeth  of  old, 

They  moot  up  into  rebels  arm'd  againft  him. 

Th'  imprifbn'd  Mortimer,  the  legal  heir's 

A  pious  friend  to  Rome.    He  fhall  be  king  ; 

Or  I  will  ipread  fo  wide  the  fcene  of  blood, 

Thai:  England  fhall  be  one  continued  flaughter-houfe. 

The  French  defpife  the  haughty  ftripling's  claims, 

And  doubtlefs  will  aflift  in  this  good  work. 

I'll  get  a  mandate  fent  exprefs  from  Rome, 

That  mail  abfolve  his  fubjedts  of  allegiance. 

Harry  fit  fail,  or  quickly  thou  {halt  know, 

Jiow  dang'rous  'tis  to  make  the  church  thy  foe. 

SCENE    VII.     A  Street. 
Enter  Juilice  Shallow  and  Mailer  Slender. 

Shal.  Take  me — take  me  this  letter,  I  fay,  to  Sir  John 
Falftaff. —  That  is  his  futtling-houfe.  I  will  maul  his 
cloak-bag  of  chitterlings  with  my  rapier,  as  I  may. 

Slen.  And  will  you  fight  him,  coufin  ?  Well,  hang  me 
if  I  carry  the  challenge.  I  never  could  abide  the  thoughts 
of  cold  iron.  Even  a  key  put  down  my  back  for  a  bloody 
nofe,  ugh — ugl> — ugh,  would  always  fet  me  a  fhuddering. 

Shal.  Don't  tell  me — if  the  law  will  not  get  me  my 
money,  I'll  be  reveng'd#of  him.  The  tun-bellied  knave 
mall  not  make  fuch  a  fool  of  me.  I  will  have  his  blood 
or  my  money. 

Slen.  His  blood  !  O  lud  !  O  lud  !  Why,  coufin  Shal- 
low, you  are  enough  to . 

Shal.  Carry  me  this  letter,  I  fay,  to  Sir  John  Falftaff. 
What  is  it  to  you  ?  If  I  am  kill'd,  you  are  my  heir,  and 
come  in  for  my  land  and  beaves.     So  do  as  I  bid  you. 

Slen. 


FALSTAFF's   WEDDING.  57 

Slen.  Ecod,  that's  true.  I  did  not  think  of  that:  if 
my  coufin's  kill'd,  I  come  in  for  his  eftate.  (Afide)  Ay, 
ay,  give  it  me,  I'll  carry  him  the  challenge.  Hey !  here 
he  comes,  with  his  bottle-nos'd  man,  that  pick'd  my 
pocket. 

Shal.  Ay,  he  would  pafs  without  feeing  us. 

SCENE    VIII.     Street  continued. 
Enter  Falstaff,  and  Bardolph. 

Shal.  Sir  John!  Sir  John  Falftaff! 

Bar.  Sir  John,  juftice  Shallow  calls  ye. 

Fal.  What  would  the  blade  of  ipear-mint  have  with 
me  ?  I  have  done  with  him. 

Shal.  But  I  have  not  yet  done  with  you,  Sir  John  ?  I 
would  firft  have  my  thoufand  pound  of  you  again. 

Fal.  You  would,  matter  Shallow !  like  enough !  You 
rnuft  take  me  then  in  the  humour.  I  am  at  prefent  ill— 
difpos'd  to  your  fuit. 

Shal.  Tut,  Sir  John.  I  have  faid  I  will  not  tamely  put 
up  this  wrong.  If  I  do,  I  fhall  be  flouted  and  gib'd  to 
death :  I  mail  be  purfued  by  the  mockery  of  a  whole 
hundred. 

Fal.  Not  unlikely.  But,  believe  me,  the  more  you 
buflle  in  this  bufinefs,  the  more  you  will  expofe  yourfelf. 
The  more  you  flir you  know  the  proverb,  mailer  Shal- 
low, it  is  a  little  homely,  fo  let  that  pafs.  Yet,  let  me 
advife  thee  •,  reft  content. 

Shal.  Content !  I  am  not  content.  I  cannot  be  con- 
tent. Nay,  I  will  not  be  content.  Give  me  back  the 
money,  or  I  will  have  fatisfaclion  of  thee. 

Fal.  Satisfaction,  fayfl  thou  ?  Why  thou  wilt  not  dare 
me  to  the  combat. 

Shal.  Such  provocation  would  make  a  coward  fight, 
Sir  John. 

Fal.  If  it  make  thee  fight,  I'll  be  fworn  it  would :  for 
I  have  feen  thee  tremble  at  the  making  of  a  wheat-ear. 

Shal.  To  be  bamboozled  !  cheated  !  laught  at !  I  will 
not  put  it  up.     By  heav'ns,  I  will  not  put  it  up. 

Fal.  Well  faid,  mailer  Shallow.  Now  I  fee  there's 
mettle  in  thee.     But  furely  thou  would'ft  not  be  the  firfl 

to 


5&  FAL  STAFF'S   WEDDING. 

to  break  the  peace  ?  thou,  whofe  office  it  is  to  puniih  the 
breach  of  it. 

Shal.  Sir  John,  there  are  times  and  reafons  for  all 
things.  If  you  will  neither  give  me  my  money  nor  gen- 
tleman's fatisfaction,  I  will  have  thee  tofs'd  in  a  blanket 
for  a  poltroon  as  thou  art. 

Fal.  They  muil  be  {tout  carls,  mafter  Shallow,  that 
tofs  me  in  a  blanket. 

Shal.  Well,  well,  we  mall  fee,  I'll  parley  with  you  no 
longer.  Coufin  Slender  don't  ftand  mill  I,  fhall  I,  but 
give  him  the  note. 

Slen.  Ay,  ay,  if  coz  is  kill'd,  I  fhall  have  his  eftate  ; 
and  fo  there's  the  challenge. 

[Exeunt  Shallow  and  Slender. 

SCENE    IX.     Continued. 
Falstaff  and  Bardolph. 

Fal.  A  challenge  ! By  the  Lord,  and  it  is  a  chal- 
lenge. 1  am  call'd  upon  here  to  meet  him  at  fingle  rapier. 
Hoo  !  what  a  turluru !  In  the  name  of  common-fenfe  is 
the  fool  turn'd  madman  ?  What  means  the  fimple  tony  by 
this  ?  To  get  his  money  again  ?  Does  he  think  by  running 
me  thro'  the  pericardium  to  become  my  heir  at  law  ?  The 
fearful  flag  is  at  bay,  and  become  defperate.  But  let  me 
fee — what's  to  be  done  here  ?  I  am  in  perfon  too  much  of 
a  knight  to  engage  with  fo  little  a  'fquire. — I  have  it. — 
Bardolph,  I  being  your  mafter  and  a  knight,  thou  art  by 
the  laws  of  chivalry  no  ieis  than  a  'fquire.  Now,  as  I  take 
it,  this  quarrel  is  properly  thine :  thou  mult  meet  juftice 
Shallow  at  fingle  rapier. 

Bar.  I,  Sir  John.  He  has  no  quarrel  againfl  me.  The 
challenge  is  given  to  your  honour. 

Fal.  Tiue,  but  I  tell  thee  my  honour  difdains  to  en- 
counter a  pitiful  'fquire  :  thou  mull  take  my  fword  and 
fight  him. 

Bar.   I  fha.r:  only  difgrace  your  arms,  Sir  John. 

Fal.  Go  to,  you  will  do  well.  He  knows  nothing  of 
the  fword  j  and  mould  he  challenge  thee  at  piftols,  put  a 
charge  into  each  barrel,  and  prefent  thy  nofe  at  him  :  he 
will  never  ftand  thy  fire. 

Bar. 


FAL  STAFF'S  WEDDING.  59 

Bar.  Indeed,  Sir  John  I  muft  beexcus'd.  I  never  could 
fight  in  my  life,  unlefs  there  was  fomething  to  be  got  by 
it ;  for  a  booty  on  the  highway,  or  ib. 

Fal.  Why  'tis  for  a  thoufand  pound,  you  rogue. 

Bar.  And  where's  the  money  ? 

Fal.  At  my  cafhier's. 

Bar.  Well  then,  Sir  John,  why  mould  we  fight  for  it  ? 

Fal.  Bardolph,  thou  art  a  coward  -,  but  no  matter.  I 
have  a  thought :  I  will  meet  him  myfelf.  See  that  my 
buckler  be  well  lin'd  that  I  fought  with  at  Shrewfbury. 

[Exeunt* 

S  C  E  N  E    X.     An  Apartment. 
Enter  Lord  Scroop  and  the  Earl  of  Cambridge. 

Scroop.  Now  comes  the  feafon  of  commotion  on. 

The  French  ambafTadors  have  had  their  audience, 

And  carry  back  defiance  to  their  mailer. 

The  nettled  Harry  arms,  mean-time,  for  France ; 

Inviting  all  the  gallant  youths  of  Britain, 

To  join  his  rafhnefs  in  this  expedition. 

Cam.  We  muft  with  him  too. 

Scroop.  Curfe  on  his  favour  :  yes ;  he  means,  forfooth, 
To  do  us  honour. 

Cam.  Had  we  fcaid  at  home, 
We  might,  perhaps,  have  fedz'd  fome  fair  occafion 
To  ftrike  the  crown  offhis  ufurping  head. 
And  place  it  on  the  rightful  brows  of  Mortimer. 
The  legate  is  already  our  ftaunch  friend, 
And  France  will  aid  our  plot  t'  enfure  fuccefs  : 
Yet  ftiil  we  cannot  make  our  party  ftrong. 
While  Harry  keeps  that  eagle  eye  upon  us, 
At  ev'ry  ftep  we  ftumble  on  fufpicion. 

Scroop.  Why,  if  his  eye  oftend  thee,  pluck  it  out. 

Cam.  Would  he  were  out  o'  th'  way. 

Scroop.  Canft  thou  not  fend  him  ? 
No  time  more  opportune  could  have  been  wifh'd, 
Than  when,  full  fledg'd  and  on  the  wing  for  France, 
His  troops  embark'd,  and  all  intent  on  conqueft, 
He  means  to  follow.     Might  he  not  be  fent 
A  longer  journey  than  from  hence  to  Normandy  ? 

Cam. 


6©  FAL  STAFF'S  WEDDING. 

Cam.  Whither? 

Scroop.  To  heav'n. 

Cam.  Would  he,  indeed,  were  there. 

Scroop.  Couldft  thou  not  ftrike  a  blow  ?  a  home  one. 

Cam.  Hal 

Scroop.  Could  not  thy  poniard  fteal  into  his  heart  ? 

Cam.  'Twere  better  guided  by  fome  other  hand. 
In  open  fight  I  could  encounter  lions ; 
But  bear  no  fteady  point  i'  th'  trade  of  murther. 

Scroop.  In  open  fight !   and  wouldfl  thou  covet  ha- 
zard ? 
Who  feeks  thro'  danger  to  obtain  the  end, 
That  may  be  reach'd  without,  may  boaft  an  heart ; 
But  gives  flrong  proofs  o'  ths  weakneis  of  his  head. 

Cam.  Scroop,  I  object  not  unto  Harry's  death; 
Nor  to  the  fafeft  means  to  cut  him  off: 
I  only  would  not  be  his  executioner. 
Who  means  to  profit  by  the  murd'rer's  work, 
Shold  never  bear  the  odium  of  his  guilt. 

Scroop.  I  did  not  mean  you  e'er  mould  profit  by't. 
But  fear  makes  blockheads  cunning.  \_/4Jide. 

Cambridge,  methinks  thou  fhouldft  be  firft  to  ftrike  : 
Whofe  is  the  caufe,  but  Mortimer's  and  thine  ? 

Cam.  And  yet  I  will  not  be  mylelf  th'  afiafiin  : 
It  would  be  both  impoliticly  and  dangerous : 
I  wonder,  Scroop,  thy  prudence  fees  it  not. 
Villains  enow  there  are  for  fuch  employ : 
Had  we  not  better  hire  fome  ruffian's  poniard ; 
One  whofe  mifcarriage  might  not  even  reach  us  ; 
And  yet,  fucceeding,  on  whofe  worthlefs  head 
The  vengeance  of  the  publick  hate  might  fall ; 
We  feeming  but  the  while  to  take  th'  advantage 
Of  fuch  an  accident  to  raife  up  Mortimer. 

Scroop.  Curfe  on't.     Th'  affair  is  thine:  there's  not  a 
villain 
Money  will  bribe  but  will  his  int'reft  find 
As  much  in  his  betraying  us. 

Cam.  I  would  not  truft  to  intereft  alone: 
But  a  deep-grounded  hate  and  fix'd  refentmcnt 
Againft  th'  ufurper's  perfon  may  do  much. 


Scroop.  Who  bears  him  fuch  good- will  ? 


Cam. 


PALSTAFF's  WEDDING.  61 

Cam.  The  banifh'd  Falftaff-, 
His  late  moft  hopeful  tutor  and  companion  ; 
A  finifh'd  villain  ! 

Scroop.  Yes,  too  much  a  villain. 
Damn  him  he  has  not  honefty  enough. 

Cam.  If  but  his  hatred's  amply  keen  'twill  do : 
And,  if  I'm  well  inform'd,  you  now  will  find  him 
For  mifchief  ripe,  and  thirfty  for  revenge. 

Scroop.  Harry  hath  treated  him,  indeed,  but  roughly; 
But  all  fuch  daftard  wretches  can  forgive. 
Befides,  they  fay  he's  but  a  bluflring  coward, 
That  wears  his  dagger  only  in  his  mouth. 

Cam.  Yes,  he   can  ftab.     This,   Scroop,  is  coward's 
work. 
He  hates  young  Harry,  and  with  grounded  reafon  ; 
I  cannot  think  but,  comes  this  tafk  a  foot, 
He's  a  moft  proper  villain. 

Scroop.  I  will  found  him  ; 
And  as  I  find  him  fitting  for  our  purpofe, 
Will  feek  to  bind  him  fall  unto  our  fervice. 
Mean  time,  neglect  not  thou  Sir  Thomas  Grey, 
Who  wifhes  well  to  thee  and  to  our  caufe. 

Cam.  I  will  not. 

Scroop.  Neither  is  it  lefs  expedient 
To  teach  thy  fword  lefs  honour  and  more  fafety. 
Say  Harry  falls,  three  brothers  yet  remain  ; 
And  ere  thyfelf,  or  Mortimer,  fucceed 
The  fons  of  Bolingbroke  muft  freely  bleed. 

[Exeunt,  feverally. 

SCENE    XL     A  Field.     Enter  Falstaff. 

Aha — Aha —  What  a  vile  mift  there  is  abroad  this 
evening  !  I  cannot  fee  a  fword's  length  before  me.  This 
muft  be  the  fpot.  But  where  is  our  adverfary  ?  I  would 
not  have  him,  methinks,  loft  in  the  fog.  Mafter  Shallow  ! 
Mafter  Shallow ! 

SCENE    XII. 

Enter  Shallow,  ftript  for  the  Combat. 

Shal.  Ay,  ay,  Sir  John,  here  am  I. 
Fal.  Saints  and  good  angels  guard  us !  what  is  this  ? 

Shal. 


62.  FALSTAFF's  WEDDING. 

Shal.  Come,  Sir  John,  draw,  draw. 

Fal.  It  calls  me  by  my  name  too  !  Jefu  Maria !  It  is 
no  deceptio  vifus:  In  the  name  of  heav'n  and  earth,  what 
art  thou  ?  Ouphe,  fairy,  ghofl,  hobgoblin,  or  demon  ? 
Exorcifo  te. — Pater  nqjter 

Shal.  Come,  Sir  John,  don't  think  to  put  me  from  my 
purpofe,  you  know  me  very  well.  You  know  juftice  Shal- 
low to  his  cofl. 

Fal.  How  !  can  this  thing  be  Robert  Shallow  of  GJou- 
ceflerfhire,  efq;  juflice  of  the  peace,  and  of  the  quorum  ? 
I  took  it  for  fome  ftrolling  ghofl  eicap'd  out  of  purgatory  7 
by  all  that's  terrible. 

Shal.  Sir  John,  this  mockeiy  mall  not  fufEce  you. 

Fal.  Nay,  it  is  true,  as  I  am  a  finner. 

Shal.  Will  you  fight  me,  Sir  John,  or  will  you  not  ? 

Fal.  Fight  thee  !  When  thou  feeft  the  princely  eagle 
defcend  to  encounter  with  the  tomtit.  What !  fhall  the 
lofty  elephant  wield  his  probofcis  againft  a  mite  ?  Shall  Sir 
John  Falftafr  draw  his  martial  fword  againil  fuch  a  pigwid- 
geon  as  thou  ? 

Shal.  What  then  did  you  come  here  for,  Sir  John  ?  If 
you  would  not  be  treated  as  a  coward,  lay  down  your  tar- 
get, and  draw. 

Fal.  Lay  down  my  target,  fayfl  thou  ?  Who  would  be 
fool  then  ?  Look  ye,  matter  Shallow  (fince  mallow  thou 
wilt  be)  if  I  fight,  it  mull  be  on  equal  terms.  It  is  but 
equitable  that  my  body  mould  be  fecur'd,  when  I  engage 
with  an  unfubftantial  form  •  a  thing  that  has  none.  Doll 
thou  think  me  fuch  a  goofe-cap  as  to  lay  open  this  fair 
round  belly  to  the  point  of  thy  rapier,  when  thou  prelenteft 
not  a  mark  for  me.  It  were  as  good  as  pricking  at  a 
lottery,  ten  thoufand  blanks  to  a  prize,  to  make  a  thrull 
at  thee.  It  were  indeed  more  than  a  miracle  to  hit  what, 
rhetorically  fpeaking,  is  impalpable.  But  come,  if  thou 
muft  fight  with  me,  thou  malt  not  fay  I  deal  unfairly  by 
thee.  To  draw  my  fword  would  be  needlefs  :  for  hit 
thee  I  never  fhall. — That's  flat.  Therefore  Toledo  reft 
thou  in  thy  fcabbard.  This  is  my  ward.  (Stands  on  his 
defence  with  his  target.)  Carry  thy  point  as  thou  wilt:  if 
thou  canfl  not  come  into  me  before  thou  art  weary,  the 

money 


FALSTAFF's  WEDDING.  63 

money  is  mine  5  if  thou  deft,  and  woundeft  me,  I  will 
then — keep  it  to  pay  the  furgeon.     So,  come  on. 

Shal.  Sir  John,  you  are  a  cowardly  knave,  and  I  will 

kill  you  if  I  can.     (They  fight.     Mr.  Shallow  thriifis  at  Sir 

John,  who  receives  his  point  always  on  his  target. 

Fal.  Well  faid,  matter  Shallow. — Bravo  ! — To't  again.— 
Sa — -Sa.     (.Shallow  breaks  his  /word,  and  Faljiaff  clofes  with 
him,  and  feizes  him  by  the  collar ;  on  which  Shal- 
low falls  down  on  his  knees,  and  Faljiaff  claps 
the  target  on  his  head. 
Ha !  have  I  nabb'd  you  ?    You  mould  have  appointed 
fticklers,   Mr.  Shallow.     What  if  I  fhould  cut  thy  throat 
now  ?  (Taking  off  the  target. 

Shal.  Sir  John,  my  life  is  in  your  hands  :  but  you 
know  you  have  wrong'd  me. 

Fal.  Well  then,  thy  wrongs  be  forgotten ;  and,  on 
that  condition,  I  give  thee  back  thy  forfeited  life. 

Shal.  And  I  hope  alfoyou  won't  bear  malice,  Sir  John, 
againft  me  for  the  future. 

Fal.  By  the  Lord,  not  I.  I  do  admire  thy  magnani- 
mity and  valour.  Why,  thou  art  the  very  mirror  of 
prowefs,  and  pink  of  'fquire  errantry.  John  of  Gaunt  was 
a  fool  to  thee.  Were  I  a  king  thou  Ihouldfb,  for  this 
day's  work,  be  made  a  knight  with,  all  the  honours  of 
chivalry.  Nay,  by  our  lady,  I  will  take  ma-jetty  upon 
me,  and  knight  thee  myfelf.  Rife  up  Sir  Robert  Shallow, 
knight  of  the  molt  horrible  order  of  combatants  and  mur- 
derers of  the  fifth  button.  And  now,  Sir  Robert,  if  thou 
dofc  not  think  the  title  I've  beftow'd  on  thee  worth  the 
thoufand  pound  I  owe  thee ;  I  give  thee  my  word,  that, 
when  fack  is  cheap,  and  I  have  money  to  fpare,  I  will  think 
of  thee  ;  and  fo  farewell,  Sir  Robert  Shallow,  knight. 

[Exit  Falstaff. 

SCENE    XIII. 

Shallow,  folus. 

The  devil  fure  is  in  fee  with  this  roirting  beli-fwarser. 
There  is  no  good  to  be  made  of  him  any  way.  I  find  I 
muft  perforce  fit  me  down  contented,  and  bear  my  lofs 

i   as 


64  FALSTAFF's  WEDDING. 

as  I  may.     I  hope  neverthelefs  to  fee  the  rafcal  come  to 
the  gallows  yet. 

O  were  I  fure  that  once  would  come  to  pafs ; 
That  he  might  pay  for  making  me  an  afs ! 

End  of  the  Fourth  Act. 


ACT    V.     SCENE    I. 

An  Apartment. 

Enter  Friar  Paul,  and  Eleanor  Poins. 

Fri.  T^\  Aughter,  'twas  indifcreet  fo  long  to  hide 

JL/  This  rude  behaviour  of  lord  Scroop  from  me. 

Ele.  Alas,  good  father,  'twas  for  that  I  fear'd 
He  might  increafe  the  anger  of  the  king. 
Nor  mould  I  now  have  told  your  rev'rence  ought, 
But  that  I  fear  he  means  this  very  night 
To  do  a  violence,  I  dread  to  think  of. 

Fri.  Rain  man  !   impoflible,  he  cannot  mean  it. 
And  yet  I  know  not  why,  from  time  to  time, 
He  hath  put  off  the  hour  of  your  retreat. 
Yet  fear  thou  nought,  myfelf  will  be  your  guardian 
Until  to-morrow ,  when  thou  fhalt  go  hence, 
And  be  no  longer  fubjecl:  to  his  power. 
By  holy  Paul,  the  king  is  much  deceiv'd  : 
He  never  fo  would  trifle  with  my  charafter, 
As  it  mould  feem,  by  this  fame  lord,  he  doth. 
But  fee  he  comes. — I  and  our  brother  Lawrence, 
"Who  waits  without,  will  take  care  to  be  near  thee. 

[Exit  Friar. 

SCENE    II.     Apartment  continued 
Enter  Lord  Scroop. 
Scroop.  Well,  my  hard-hearted  fair,  what  cruel  ftill  ? 
Thofe  icy  looks  would  freeze  me  to  the  foul, 

Did 


FALSTAFF's  WEDDINGi  €$ 

Bid  I  not  flatter  me  the  glowing  fires, 

That  warm  my  breaft,  will  melt  thee.foon  to  love  ? 

Why  filerit,  love  ?  and  why  this  killing  coldnefs  ? 

Haft  thou  no  fympathy,  my  gentle  Nell  ? 

Dead  to  th'  embraces  of  a  lover's  arm, 

You  catch  no  Ipark  of  his  cortfuming  flame. 

Ele.  My  lord,  I  beg  you  ceafe  this  perfecution. 
Have  I  not  oft  afTur'd  thee,  not  the  world 
Should  bribe  my  foul  to  fuch  avow'd  pollution  ? 

Scroop.  Away  with  all  this  artifice.     I  tell  you* 
King  Harry  fets  no  value  on  your  conftancy. 
Your  prince,  fair  lady,  's  wonderfully  chang'd : 
Nor  is  he  more  the  gentle  thing  he  was, 
When  he"  would  fkip  about  a  harlot's  chamber, 
-And  act  the  page  of  ev'ry  ambling  nymph, 
That  pleas'd  to  fend  him  on  her  goflip's  errand.  \ 

Ele.  I  never  knew  him,  lord*  fo  very  gentle* 
That  very  tame,  unmanly  thing  you  fpeak  of: 
But  this  I  dare  be  confident  to  hope, 
Howe'er  his  heart  be  chang'd  refpecling  me, 
He  will  do  juflice  to  his  lowlieft  fubjedt ; 
JsTor  am  I  yet  fo  deftitute  of  means, 
But  my  complaints  may  reach  the  royal  ear. 

Scroop.  And  doft  thou  brave  me  then,  minx  para- 
mount ? 
Know  that  I  govern  Harry  as  a  child  j 
Who  thinks  nor  acts  but  as  I  tune  his  will. 
Renounce  thy  fcruples,  therefore,  at  my  pleafure  5 
Or  he  fhall  give  thee  up  to  want  and  beggary. 
Thou  fhalt  not  have  withal  to  buy  thee  bread, 
But  earn  it  at  the  price  of  fhame  and  wantonnefs. 

Ele.  Indeed,   my  lord,  indeed 

Scroop*,  Nay,  thou  doft  weep. 
Come  on — I  will  not  chide  thee— -thou'lt  be  kindi 
I  come  to  take  of  thee  a  long  farewell. 
The  king  already's  on  his  way  for  France. 
I've  but  a  few  fhort  moments  to  be  bleft  -, 
And  then  muft  fpeed  me  after. — To  your  chamber 
Come,  my  fair  Nell,  or  let  me  gently  force  thee. 

Ele.  Forbear,  my  lord,  I  pray,  my  lord,  forbear" 
Nay  then  I  call  for  help. — What,  help  !   ho !   help ! 

F  SCENE 


66  FALSTAFF's  WEDDING, 

SCENE    III.     Apartment  continued. 
Enter  Friars  Paul  and  Lawrence. 

Fri.  P.  Hold,  hold,  my  lord,  this  rudenefs  is  too  much." 
I  am  the  guardian  of  this  lady's  perfon ; 
A  charge  deliver'd  by  the  king  himfelf ; 
And  will  not  bear  to  fee  her  thus  infulted. 

Scroop.  Thou  bufy  prieft,  be  ftraitway  gone  and  leave 
us  •, 
Or  I  will  perfecute  thee  to  thy  ruin. 
Art  thou  th'  old  paramour  of  this  fame  harlot  ? 
Or  play'ft  thou  but  the  advocate  of  others, 
Whofe  luftful  blood  boils  fiercer  than  thine  own  ? 
If  fo,  be  gone,   and  know  thine  office  better. 
There  is  my  purfe — go  wait,  I  fay,  without. 

Fri.  P.  My  lord,  this  mean  abufe  but  ill  becomes  you* 
But  know,  I  will  not  go.     My  character 
And  innocence  protect,  me  :  nor  mall  you 
Stay,  to  repeat  your  infults  on  this  fair  one. 

Scroop.  Who  mail  prevent  me  ? 

[Offers  to  draw,  but  is  hinder* d  by  friar  Lawrence,  who, 
fiqnding  behind,  feizes  his  [word. 
Hell  and  vengeance  !  where — 
Where  are  my  fervants  ? 

Fri.  P.  I,  my  lord,  difmifs'd  them. 

Scroop.  Priefts,  you  mall  hear  of  this  :  fhall  loudly 
hear  of  it. 
Give  me  my  fword, 

Fri.  L.  Not  while  you*re  thus  impatient. 

Fri.  P.  No  ;  keep  it.     I  will  anfwer't  to  the  king. 

Scroop.  Thou  anfwer't  to  the  king !   thou  paltry  friar  ! 

Fri.  P.  Yea,  by  my  life  and  loyalty,  I  will : 
Therefore  my  lord  'twere  better  you  retire. 

Scroop.  I  will,  and  to  thy  ruin,  baudy  prieft. 
Thou,  harlot,   art  provided  for,  I  fee, 
With  thefe  two  brawny  friars. — Thou  fhalt  rue  it. 

[Exit  Scroop, 
I 

SCENE 


F  A  L  S  t  A  F  F's  W  E  D  D  I  N  G,  67 

SCENE    IV.     Apartment  continued 

Ele.  Alas,  good  father,  whatis't  you  have  done? 
I  tremble  for  th'  event.     This  pow'rful  lord 
Is  all  in  all  in  royal  Henry's  favour. 

Fri.  P.  Yet  fear  thou  naught :  tho'  he  were  more  than 
all, 
I  have  that  in  my  hand  (/hewing  a  letter)  ill  all  make  this 

lord 
Yet  lefs  than  nothing.     He's  an  arrant  traitor. 
Juft  now  a  meflenger  enquir'd  without 
For  the  lord  Scroop  ;  whofe  fervants  all  difmifs'd, 
The  unfufpicious  fellow  gave  me  this, 
Befeeching  its  delivery  on  th'  inftant. 
But,  as  I  thought  it  might  relate  to  thee, 
Unfeert  I  broke  it  open ;  when,  good  heav'n  ! 
I  found  in't  the  fuggeftions  of  a  traitor, 
Plotting  againft  our  monarch's  facred  life, 

Ele.  Againft  his  life  !    From  whence  ?  O  who  hath, 
fent  it  ? 
Fly,  fly,  this  inftant  fly,  and  tell  the  danger. 
Fri.  P.  I'll  fend  immediate  poll  unto  the  king. 
Fri.  L.  But  will  not,  brother,  this  rafh  lord  return, 
And  wreak  revenge  on  us,  for  what  is  par!  ? 

Fri.  P.  He  hath  not  here  a  moment's  time  of  leifure : 
I  learn  his  majefty  e'en  now  expeclts  him 
Down  at  Southampton.     Hence,  without  delay, 
He  mull  to  horfe.     Yet,  to  avoid  mifhap, 
Go,  brother  Lawrence,  and  requeft  a  guard. 
Which  done,  procure  a  meflenger,  with  fpeed 
To  bear  my  letters  to  his  majefty. 
Daughter,  in  peace  retire  •,  mean  while  I'll  Write, 
And  bring  his  lordihip's  honeft  deeds  to  light. 

[Exeunt; 

S  C  E  N  E  V.    At  Southampton,    An  Apartment. 
Enter  Cambridge  and  Falstaff. 

Fal.  You  know  not  perhaps,  my  lord,  that  I  am  lately 
married  -$  and  if  this  plotting  bufinefs  mould  turn  out  a 

F  a  hanging 


68  FALSTAFF's  WEDDING. 

hanging  matter,  as  in  all  likelihood  it  will,  what  will  be- 
come of  my  wife  r  She  will  never  get  fuch  another  huf- 
band. 

Cam.  (AJide.)  Curfe  on  this  boggling  villain.    Would 
we  ne'er 
Had  trailed  him  :  but  now  there  is  no  remedy. 

Fal.  And  yet,  upon  fecond  thoughts,  if  I  get  into  one 
noofe  I  mail  flip  my  collar  out  of  the  other  j  and  fo  it  may 
be  in  the  end,  no  great  matter. 

Cam.  What  hefitation,  now  ?   to  noble  minds 
How  pleafant  is  the  profpect  of  revenge  ! 
Think  Harry  Monmouth  treads  thee  under  foot. 

Fal.  Hal  hath  indeed  us'd  me  but  fcurvily.  But  here's 
the  point,  my  lord.  I  have  moft  readily,  on  yourperfua- 
fion,  agreed  to  turn  traitor,  have  enter'd  into  all  your 
meafures,  and  am  come  hither  to  Southampton,  where 
my  part  of  the  matter  is  to  be  brought  to  conclufion.  You 
are  to  get  me  introduc'd  to  the  king,  and,  in  revenge  for 
his  mal-treatment  of  me,  and  to  pave  the  way  for  Morti- 
mer to  the  throne,  I  am  to  introduce  a  dagger  between 
the  fhort  ribs  of  majefty,  and  fend  his  grace  to  heav'n. 

Cam.  Well,  and  why  this  vain  recapitulation? 
Have  we  not  anfwer'd  your  objections  yet  ? 
Falftaff,  I  took  thee  for  an  honeft  villain, 
That  laugh'd  at  the  impertinence  of  confcience. 
If  thou  haft  fcruples,  my  lord  cardinal 
Will  banifh  them,  and  give  thee  abfolution. 

Fal.  My  lord,  I  am  no  puritan.  I  am  no  bigot  to  the 
church.  1  would  not  give  a  fig  for  a  pocket-full  of  my 
lord  cardinal's  abiblutions :  for  I  am,  I  confefs,  fo  much 
of  a  heretick,  that  I  think,  if  a  man  cannot  in  his  own 
confcience  acquit  himfelf,  all  the  priefts  in  Chriltendom 
cannot  do  it.  Now,  my  lord,  I  ihould  blame  myfelf 
highly  if  I  ihould  run  the  rifque  of  being  damn'd  for — 

Cam.  Flenry's  a  tyrant  •,  Mortimer  is  heir  ; 
To  free  your  country,  and  to  right  th'  opprefs'd, 
Will  evermore  be  deem'd  heroick  virtue. 

Fal.  1  know,  my  lord,  by  the  maxims  of  the  church, 
a  man  will  be  fooner  anathematiz'd  for  killing  a  hind, 
whom  no  body  wants  out  of  the  way,  than  a  king  who 
ftands  unluckily  in  the  gap  of  fo  many  loyal  princes.    I  do 

not 


FALSTAFF's  WEDDING.  69 

not  pretend  to  enter  into  the  validity  of  Harry's  title  :  but* 
I  know  it  is  but  the  church's  calling  him  a  tyrant,  and 
abfolving  his  fu  ejects  of  their  allegiance,  and  all  will  go 
well.     Give  a  dog  an  ill  name,  and  hang  him,  my  lord — 

Cam.  Ha !  Sirrah,  villain,  dofb  thou  mammer  then  ? 
1*11  flab  thee.     By  this  light  thou  ihalt  not  live,  to- — 

Fal.  Hold,  hold,  my  lord,  what,  what,  cannot  you 
take  a  jeft. 

Cam.  A  jeft,   thou  villain  !  is  our  bufinefs  jelling  ? 
Look  to't — fee  you  perform  your  promife  roundly, 
Or  woe  upon  your  life — winch  e'er  fo  little, 
The  hand  is  ready  that  mall  rip  thee  up  ; 
And  tear  thy  coward  confcience  from  thy  heart. 

Fal.  '^blood,  my  lord,  I  have  no  confcience.  But,  as 
I  mould  have  told  you,  wouldft  thou  have  heard  me,  that 
a  man  would  not  willingly  run  the  rifque  of  being  damn'd 
for  nothing.  You  have,  you  know,  made  me  large  pro- 
mifes.  You  tell  me  I  fhall  be  made  a  duke,  and  fhall 
have  my  fhare  in  the  divifion  of  the  promis'd  land,  when 
Mortimer  is  king.  Not  that  I  doubt  of  your  lordfhip's 
honour,  but  confpirators  are  fo  liable  to  accidents ;  and, 
as  I  do  not  expect  my  reward  in  the  next  world,  it  is  but 
prudent  to  fecure  it  in  this.  Doubt  not  of  my  being  true 
to  your  caufe,  but  give  me  fome  earneft  of  my  future  re- 
eompenfe. 

Cam.  What  will  content  thee  ?  money  thou  haft  had. 
What  wouldft  thou  more  that  we  can  fafely  give  ? 
We'll  put  our  lives  no  farther  in  your  power, 
Tho'  yours  depends  on  our  fecurity. 

Fal,  Well,  well,  my  lord,  I  muft  then  be  content  to 
truft  to  the  fuccefs  of  our  enterprize,  and  leave  it  to  your 
honour  to  proportion  my  reward  to  my  fervices. 

Cam.  In  that  be  fure  thou  lhalt  be  fatisfied. 
Mean  time,  go  fteel  thy  heart  and  whet  thy  poniard  : 
That  when  the  crifis  comes  thou  may'ft  be  ready, 
With  hand  and  heart  to  prove  thyfelf  our  friend. 

[Exit  Cambridge, 


SCENE 


?©•  FALSTAFF's  WEDDING. 

SCENE    VI.     Apartment  continued, 

Falstaff,  folns. 

I  fhall  confider  on  it. — Stab  me,  quoth  he !  he  is  by 
much  too  cholerick  for  a  traitor.  But  he  will  fay  he  is 
pone,  being  engag'd  in  the  behalf  of  the  legal  heir.— -That 
will  be  feen  in  the  end  ;  for  thofe  are  ever  the  traitors,  who 
come  to  the  block  or  the  gallows. — If  Harry  did  not  de- 
ferve  to  be  olamn'd  for  his  ingratitude,  it  were  as  good  a 
deed  as  to  drink  to  turn  true-man  and  iv  peach  thefe  con- 
ipirators.  And  yet  there  may  be  danger  in  that  too.  I 
mufl  bethink  me.  But,  who  comes  here  ?  Oh,  my  lady 
wife  !  who  has  follow'd  me  here  down  to  Hampton,  to 
be  introduc'd  to  the  king,  before  he  fets  out  for  France, 
Should  Harry  take  the  other  journey  now,  I  fhall  be  fairly 
rid  of  her  importunities. 

if 

SCENE    VII.     Apartment  continued. 
Enter  Lady  Falstaff. 

L.  F.  Well,  Sir  John,  and  now  you  have  brought  me 
thus  far ;  when  fhall  I  be  introduced  to  his  majefty  ? 

Fal.  I  brought  thee  !  my  fair  queen  of  Sheba  !  it  was 
thy  love  that  brought  thee  hither  •,  thy  love  for  the  king, 
whofe  pretty  fweet  face  thou  had'ft  never  feen,  In  troth 
I  fhall  be  jealous  of  thee,  lady  fpoufe. 

L.  F.  You  fhould  have  faid  curiofity,  Sir  John. 

Fal.  O,  it  is  the  fame,  in  effeft  ;  love  or  curiofity  will 
carry  a  woman  without  tiring  to  the  world's  end. 

L.  F.  Ay,  my  lem an,  but  it  is.  not  the  fame  thing,  for 
all  that. 

Fal.  Well,  I  will  not  difpute  with  thee  about  words. 
Thou  malt  talk  thy  own  way,  if  thou  wilt  aft  mine. 

L.  F.  Why,  Sir  John,  I'm  fare  my  talk  cannot  offend. 
|  am  no  rattle. 

Fal.  A  cherry-clack  in  a  high  wind :   that's  all. 

L.  F.  Go,  go,  Sir  John,  you  are  curft  to  day.  I  will 
leave  ye  :  but  mind  I  infill  on  our  feeing  his  majefty,  be- 
fore he  goes  to  France  :  and  they  tell  me  the  troops  are 
almoft  all  embark'd. 

Fal, 


FALSTAFF's  WEDDING,  71 

•  Fal.  Where  goeft  thou,  my  pigfneye  ? 
L.  F.  To  my  maids,  to  be  fure. 

[Exit  Lady  Falstaff. 
Fal.  Ay,  where  thou  mayft  call  names  like  a  parrot, 
and  chatter  like  a  magpie.     I  will  to  my  brother  traitors, 
and  fee  how  mifchief  goes  forward  in  the  brewing. 

[Exit  Sir  John. 

SCENE    VIII.     The  King's  Apartments, 
Enter  King  Henry  and  the  Duke  of  Exeter. 

King.  Thefe  letters,  fent  in  hafte  from  father  Paul, 
Are  ftrange  of  tenour,  and  of  dread  import ; 
No  lefs  than  of  a  treafonable  defign, 
Hatching  againft  our  perfon  and  our  throne. 

Ex.  Good  heav'ns  preferve  your  majefty !  by  whom  ^ 

King.  I  fay  not  that  •,  for  God  forbid  the  truth 
Should  not  belye  this  honeft  friar's  fufpicions  : 
For  here  he  tells  me  that  my  feeming  friend, 
The  man  I've  worn  the  neareft  to  my  heart, 
Is  falfe  as  hell,  and  feeks  my  crown  and  life. 

Exe.  Means  he  the  earl  of  Cambridge  ? 

King.  Why,  good  uncle  ? 
Is  he  the  only  one  I  have  diftinguifh'd  ? 

Exe.  No,  my  good  liege,  but  that  I've  lately  heard 
Of  his  molt  frequent  vifits  to  the  legate  •, 
Who  bears,  I'm  fure,  your  highnefs  no  good  will, 
Since  laft  you  taught  him  who  was  England's  mafter. 
Lord  Cambridge  has  befides  a  ftrange  deportment ; 
I  cannot  tell — -but  'tis  a  man  I  like  not. 

King.  And  yet  you  never  hinted  this  before. 

Exe  .  Never,   my  liege  ;  for  heav'n  forbid  that  ought; 
Of  my  loofe  fancy  and  mere  wild  conjecture 
Should  injure  any  man  in  your  efteem  : 
I  lightly  hold  my  fkill  in  phyiiognomy. 

King.  If  fuchbeyour  remarks,  I  not,  good  uncle. 
But  give  me  too  your  thoughts  of  baron  Scroop, 

Exe.  My  liege,  I  hold  him  for  an  honeft  man, 
Difcreet  beyond  his  years,  faithful  and  true, 
And  one  that  has  your  highnefs'  good  at  heart. 

F  4  King, 


yz  FALSTAFF's  WEDDING. 

King.  Nay  there  you're  out ;  or  elfe  the  writer  lies, 
He  tells  me  here  lord  Scroop's  the  very  devil ; 
And  now  is  plotting  with  the  earl  of  Cambridge 
To  take  away  my  life  •,  and  (et  the  crown 
Upon  the  head  of  Mortimer. 

Exe.  Is't  poffible ! 
How  comes  the  friar  by  this  information  ? 

King.  It  feems  he  hath  a  letter  intercepted. 
Sent  by  the  carl  of  Cambridge  to  lord  Scroop, 
Written  in  myftick  characters,  the  which 
His  rev'rence  had  the  cunning  to  decypher, 
And  is  himfelf  in  perfon  on  the  way, 
To  bring  the  letter,  and  explain  its  meaning. 

Exe.  The  friar  was  ever  held  a  godly  man, 
A^earned  and  acute  decypherer. 
But  the  lord  Scroop— well,  fo  if  it  mould  prove, 
I  ne'e/  will  judge  aga.in  by  fair  appearances. 
Will  not  your  majelty  arreft  them  ftrait, 
Upon  fuipicion  ?  'twere,  my  liege,  but  prudent ; 
W  ho  knows  now  ripe  their  dev'lifh  plot  may  be  ? 

King.  Uncle,  forewarn* d  forearm'd.     In  very  fhort 
Th'  informant  will  be  here :  let's  wait  'till  then. 
If  it  no  more  mould  prove  than  vain  fufpicion, 
I  would  riot  carl  upon  them  fuch  reproach  ; 
Nor  foil  their  friendihip  with  the  doubts  of  treafon. 

Exe.  Yet,  the  mean  time,  you  will  not  fure  give  au- 
dience ! 

King.    Why   not,    good  uncle,    yes,     I've  promis'd 
Cambridge 
To  grant  a  private  audience  to  old  Falftaff. 
He  hath,  Pirn  told,  begun  a  reformation, 
He  fhall  not  lack  our  countenance  therein. 

Exe.   Audience  to  Sir  John  Falftaff!  private  too  ! 
My  liege,  there  may  be  danger  in  the  conference. 

Ki^g.  Uncle,   there  may  :"'  and  if  I  eat  or  drink, 
Walk,  fit,  or  ftand,  there  may  be  danger  too  : 
There's  not  the  fimpleft  aclion  of  our  lives 
But  is  attended  with  its  (hare  of  danger. 
I  am  not  rafh  ;  but  yet  I  hold  it  bale, 
In  fear  of  death,  to 'live  a  flave  to  life. 
Ho,  uncle,  though  perchance  I  die  to  night, 

Let 


FALSTAFF's  WEDDING.  73 

JLet  me  go  through  the  bufinefs  of  to  clay : 
Death  cannot  reach  us  in  a  happier  hour 
Than  that  in  which  it  finds  us  in  our  duty. 
Fear  not,  my  uncle,  providence  will  fhield  us  5 
A  guardian  angel  hovers  round  your  king  ; 
And  will  protect  him  from  the  ruffian's  poniard. 
And  for  the  reft — ^be  it  your  care,  good  uncle, 
To  keep  an  eye  on  thefe  fufpected  lords. 
With  ipeed  and  filence  let  our  guards  be  doubled  ; 
And  be  my  uncle  York  and  brothers  near  us. 

Exe  .  My  liege,  I  will.     But  yet  I  fear  this  Falftaff. 
Hath  your  grace  heard  of  other  reformation 
Than  what  the  earl  of  Cambridge  hath  fuggefted  ? 

King.   I  have,  good  uncle,  ev'n  from  father  Paul} 
Who  faid  the  knight  was  nigh  to  be  well  married. 
Belike  he  needs  our  countenance  herein. 
If  that  our  fmiles  will  make  our  fubjects  good, 
We'll  not  deny  them  to  the  meanelt  valfal. 
Where  are  our  brothers,  and  our  uncle  York  ?    [Exeunt. 

SCENE    IX.     An  Apartment. 
Enter  Lord  Scroop  and  Cambridge. 

Scroop.  Sir  John  hath  now  his  leffbn.  Speed  him  forth 
When  Harry  falls,  to  horfe,  and  fpur  away, 
W  ith  a  choice  party  of  light  troops,  to  Mortimer, 
Conduct  him  hither  with  the  utmoft  fpeed  : 
His  guards,  furpriz'd,  will  Hand  not  in  refiftance. 
Mean  time,  we'll  feize  the  uncles  and  the  brothers, 
As  chief  abettors  of  king  Harry's  murther. 
Nay,  Falftaff  fhall  declare  th-  y  let  him  on, 
Or,  by  yon  heav'n,  we'll  hang  him  Haman's  height. 
What  troops  are  there  embark'd  ? 

Cam.  Ev'n  all  but  thofe  o'er  which  we  have  command; 
And  of  Sir  Thomas  Grey,  our  loyal  friend. 

Scroop.  That's  well  contriv'd.     I  left  the  legate  bufy, 
In  railing  monies,  and  fomenting  treafon. 
In  ten  days  time  half  London  will  be  ripe 
To  fpurn  at  facrilegious  Hal,  and  join  us. 
But  here's  Sir  Thomas  Grey. 

SCENE 


74  FAL  STAFF'S  WEDDING. 

SCENE    X.     Same  Apartment  continued. 
Enter  Sir  Thqmas  Grey. 

Sir  T.  G.  How  now,  my  lords,  why  flay  you  loit*ring 
here  ? 
Is  it  not  time  Sir  John  mould  be  at  court  ? 

Scroop.  It  is  yet  time  enough ;  but  th'  hour  moves 
flow, 
When  expectation  fits  upon  the  watch. 

Cam.  Sir  Thomas,  your  impatience  binds  you  to  us, 
As  one  whofe  heart  is  bent  on  our  fuccefs. 

Sir  Tho.  It  is  :  but  fure  the  time  is  drawing  near ; 
The  king  has  bidden  Falftaff  s  free  admittance  •> 
But  I  have  orders  from  the  duke  of  Exeter 
To  double  all  the  guards.     What  can  that  mean  ? 
I  hope  there's  no  fuipicion  got  abroad, 
Should  Falftaff  now  impeach  us,  we  are  loft. 

Cam.  Ay,  that  indeed  would  be  a  fatal  ftroke  5 
And,  to  fay  truth,  I  almoft  tremble  for't. 

Scroop.  Cambridge,  thou'rt  everwav'ring  as  the  wind  3 
One  moment  raftily  braving  needlefs  danger  ; 
The  next,  fufpicion  making  thee  a  coward. 
Impeach  us  !  let  him,  we  will  face  him  down  1 
Unlay  whate'er  he  fays,  fwear  all  is  falfhood : 
Shall  he  gain  credit  'gainft  fuch  men  as  we  ? 
Fix'd,  firm  as  rocks,  we  ftand  in  Hal's  efleem, 
The  firft  and  faireft  for  our  loyalty ; 
And  fhall  not  we  bear  all  before  us  down, 
The  lying  evidence  of  Sir  John  Falftaff  ? 
Comes  it  to  that — fay  nothing — leave  't  to  me. 
By  heav'ns,  I'll  ftare  the  fat-paunch'd  coward  dumb  ^ 
And,  tho'  he  brought  the  gofpel  proof  againft  us, 
Will  make  him  own  it  ev'ry  word  a  lye. 
The  guards  are  doubled  !  doubled  let  them  be — 
They're  under  your  command,  Sir  Thomas  Grey, 
And  we  fhall  have  the  more  for  our  afiiftance. 

Sir  Tho.  But,  if  there  be  fuipicion 

Scroop.  Think  there  none. 
They  tell  me,  yefterday  a  drunken  carl 
Attempted  rudely  to  break  into  th'  prefence. 

My 


FALSTAFF's   WEDDING,  75 

My  life  for't  'tis  on  that  account  •,   no  other. 

But  come,  the  hour's  at  hand-:  let  us  away. 

Mind  well  your  cues,  nor  marr  this  buftling  play : 

One  ihort  aft  more,  and  then  the  day's  our  own ; 

And  Mortimer  ihall  clap  ys,  from  the  throne,     [Exeunt.' 

SCENE    XL     The  King's  Apartments, 

Enter  King  Henry  and  Falstaff. 

King.  'Tiswell,  Sir  John,  and  now  what  is  the  fuifc 
For  which  you  have  fo  earneftly  requeited 
Admittance  to  our  perfon  ? 

Fal.  My  liege,  you'll  pardon  me  if  I  mould  fail  in 
point  of  ceremony  :  it  being  fo  long  fmce  I  ftood  on 
forms,  that  I  have  almofl  forgot  the  punctualities  of  good 
manners. 

King.  Then  to  your  bufinefs, 

Fal.  My  bufinefs  is,  my  liege,  principally  to  make 
your  majefty  an  unworthy  prefent. 

King.  A  prefent !  needed  there  fo  much  formality  ; 
This  interceffion  for  thyfelf  in  perfon, 
To  be  the  bearer  of  a  paltry  prefent  ? 
And  to  what  end  ?  think  not  on  any  terms 
But  thofe  of  thy  repentance  and  amendment, 
King  Henry's  favour  ever  can  be  purchas'd. 

F'al.  Nay,  my  liege,  this  prefent  is  not  properly  my 
own,  nor  indeed  made  with  a  view  to  my  particular  emo- 
lument. I  am  employ'd  herein  by  certain  great  perfonages 
of  your  majefty's  court ;  who,  I  imagine,  were  afraid,  or 
afham'd,  to  prefent  fo  improper  an  offering  in  their  own 
perfons. 

King.  Trirler!  what  is't  ? 

Fal.  A — dagger,  my  liege. 

King.  Ha ! 

Fal.  (Kneeling.)  See,  here  it  is.  (prefents  it  to  the  King, 
and  rifes.)  Your  majefty  will  doubtlefs  pardon  me,  that 
I  fail  in  fo  material  a  part  of  my  commiffion,  as  that  of 
lodging  it  deep  in  your  left  breaft. 

King.  What  traitor  can  have  fent  thee  upon  this, 
So  horrible  a  bufmefs  ? 

Fal; 


?6  FALSTAFF's  WEDDING. 

Fal.  The  earl  of  Cambridge,    Scroop,  and  Thomas* 
Grey,  your  majefty's  moft  loyal  friends. 

King.  Good  heav'n  !  I  fee 'tis  true.  Thou,  father  Paul, 
Haft  conitrued  right  their  trait'rous  correfpondence. 
But  I  will  found  thefe  hollow  friends  to  th'  bottom. 
Falilaff,  if  this  be  true,  I  live  to  thank  thee  ; 
But  it  behoves  we  mould  have  further  proof: 
It  thou  art  honeft,  thou  wilt  ftand  the  teft, 
And  face  thefe  peers,  thou  dar'll  to  brand  with  treafon. 

Fal.  Your  grace  will  take  me  in  your  high  protection, 
And  I  wiii  prove  it  on  them,  to  their  beards. 

King.  Fear  naught — I  will  return  to  thee  on  th'  inftant. 

[Exit  King  Henry, 

SCENE   II.     Apartment  continued. 

Falstaff,  folus. 

Now,  my  fine  lords  of  Cambridge  and  of  Mamam,  I 
think  I'm  even  with  you.^-I  overheard  them  condemn  me 
to  the  gallows.  The  monkeys  would  make  a  cat's  paw  of 
me,  I  fee.  They  would  have  me  commit  murder  for  their 
fake,  and  hang  me  for  it  when  1  have  done.  In  troth 
thefe  fprag  peers,  with  their  quick  wits,  are  little  better 
than  aiTes  after  all.  They  confide  in  me,  truly,  becaufe 
they  think  I  am  a  villain.  Were  it  not  a  pity  they  mould 
not  find  me  i^o  ?  They  will  no  doubt  deny  this  matter 
floutly  :  but  I've  their  letters,  if  my  words  be  doubted  j 
beiides  the  circumstances  I  could— — - 

SCENE    XIII.     Apartment  continued. 

Enter  King  Henry,  with  the  Duke  of  York,  the  three 
young  Princes  and  Attendants. 

King.  Call  in  my  uncle  Exeter.  Where's  Scroop  and 
Cambridg 


? 


Lord.  In  th'  antichamber,  with  Sir  Thomas  Grey. , 
King,  Enough — what  ho  !  the  guards  —  the  guards, 


I  fay, 


SCENE 


FALSTAFF's  WEDDING.  77 

SCENE    XIV.     Apartment  continued. 

(Enter  at  one  Door  the  Duke  of  Exeter  and  Guards  : 
at  the  other  Lord  Scroop,  Cambridge,  ^ir  Thomas 
Grey,  with  their  Swords  drawn.  They  make  up  to 
the  young  Princes,  as  if  to  feize  them  :  but  itart  back 
on  feeing  the  King.) 

Scroop.  Seize-— Seize  the  traitors  there — arreft  them  all. 

King.  Who  are  they,  lords  ?  put  up,  here  is  but  one. 

Cam.  All's  loft.  (Jfide. 

Grey.  All's  ruin'd.  (Afide. 

Scroop.  May  heav'n  preferve  your  majefty ;  we  fear'd 
Some  dang'rous  treafon  at  the  cry  of  guards  j 
And  therefore  rufh'd  thus  arm'd  into  your  prefence. 

King.  My  lords,  I  thank  ye;  and  in  right  good  time 
Ye  come,  to  vindicate  your  noble  characters 
Againft  th'  afperfion  of  this  villain  traitor ; 
Who,  with  a  bloody  and  malicious  purpofe, 
Came  here  to  feek  our  life  :  but,  failing  there, 
In  that  I  wrefted  from  him  this  fame  poniard, 
He  dares,  with  matchlefs  and  allured  countenance, 
Charge  you,  my  lords,  and  you,  Sir  Thomas  Grey  5 
My  beft,  my  neareft,  deareft,  worthieft  friends, 
With  being  vile  abettors  of  his  treafon. 
My  lords,  you  fpeak  not. — Yet  I  do  not  wonder ; 
Ye  are  ftruck  dumb  with  horrour  and  amazement : 
For  what  confummate  villainy  is  that 
Which  can  fuggeft  men  lb  refemble  devils, 
That  they  can  wear  an  angel's  outward  form, 
And  yet  be  black  at  heart  as  hell  itfelf  ? 
What  mall  be  done,  my  lords,  with  this  vile  monfter  ? 

Scroop.  Thou  hoary  villain !  thou  ungrateful  traitor ! 
Was  it  for  this  I  fought  unto  his  highnefs 
To  have  fome  pity  on  thy  bending  age, 
And  take  thee  back  again  to  grace  and  favour  ? 
Is  this  the  fair  return  thou  mak'ft  my  kindnefs  ? 
By  heav'n,  wer't  not  in  prefence  of  the  king, 
I  would  this  inftant  pluck  thee  by  the  beard, 
And  ftab  thee  to  the  heart. — My  fov' reign  liege, 
So  dear  I  hold  your  highnefs'  facred  perion, 

Thar, 


^8  FALSTAFF's  WEDDING. 

That,  for  this  execrably  vile  attempt, 

I  think  this  horrid  wretch  mould  ftrait  be  fenteilc'dj 

And  executed  without  farther  queition. 

King.  And  yet,  my  lord,  the  bufy  prating  world. 
For  ever  envious  of  the  good  man's  fame, 
Might  whifper  ftill  what  his  vile  breath  hath  utter'd. 
No,  my  good  friends,  ye  fhall  be  fully  clear'd. 
This  wretch  fhall  fhew  at  lengch,  before  the  world, 
That  what  he  has  avow'd  is  falie  :  for  true 
It  cannot  be.     What  traitor  canft  thou  offer, 
To  prove  your  charge  againft  thefe  noble  lords  ? 

Fal.  My  liege,  by  good  luck  have  I  here  two  letters, 
Sent  by  thefe  lords  to  me,  upon  this  bufinefs  : 
The  writing  theirs,  their  fignets  too  preferv'd. 

(Gives  the  letters  to  the  King.) 

Scroop.  What  forgery  too !  hath  heay'n  no  thunder 
left 
To  ftrike  this  precious  villain  ? 

Fal.  By  heav'ns,  a  noble  actor  !  'tis  a  pity  he  was  not 
bred  to  th'  ftage. 

Scroop.  Cambridge  !  why  man  your  quiv'ring  lip  be- 
trays you. 

Cam.  It  is  in  vain  :  let  us  at  once  confefs. 

Scroop.  Confefs!  damnation!  hum  ~  hum  for  your 

1'C 
ire. 

King.  Look  here,  my  lords,  are  thefe  your  fignatures  ? 

Scroop.  Fiat  forgery  !    and  yet,    good  heav'ns,  how 
like  ! 

King.  What  art  there  is  in  diabolick  natures  ! 
But  if  fuch  things  as  thefe  obtain  i'  th'  world, 
Not  angel  innocence  on  earth  is  fafe* 

Fal.  My  liege,    it  is  no  forgery;    I  can  dare  them 
to  the  proof. 

Scroop.  Dare  us,  thou  traitor!    thou  muft  find  the 
proof. 
But  tell  us  here,  before  our  fovreign's  face, 
If  thou  haft  Ibid  thy  felf  to  hell  for  this, 
What  devil  furnifh'd  thee  with  feal  and  characters 
So  much  refembling  mine  ? 

Fal.  If  they're  not  yours,  it  was,  indeed,  the  devil  in 
likeneis  of  yourfelf. 

King. 


FALSTAFF's  WEDDING.  79 

King.  This  is  too  much  :  what  in  our  prefence  thus 
To  vent  this  infoknce  !  Take  him  away. 

Fal.  Good,  my  liege. 

King.  Guards  take  him  hence.    (Falfiaff  exit  guarded,} 
•And  now,  my  worthy  lordsa 
Altho'  I  clearly  fee  this  traitor's  purpofe, 
I  hold  it  meet,  that  on  this  accufation, 
You  and  our  friend  Sir  Thomas  Gray  fubmit 
To  have  your  innocence  clear'd  up  in  form. 
This  traitor  doubtlefs  hath  accomplices ; 
We'll  publifh  inftantly  reward  and  pardon 
For  their  difcovery. 

Scroop.  I  hope  your  majefty 
Hath  not  a  doubt,  as  touching  our  allegiance. 

King.  My  lord,  I  know  your  worth  to  well,  to  doubt  it : 
And  alio  yours,  lord  Cambridge,  and  Sir  Gray  : 
Yet,  to  appear  impartial  to  the  world, 
And  Hop  the  mouth  of  ev'ry  future  cenfure ; 
Ye  mull  be  well  contented,  for  a  while, 
To  bear  ye  as  arretted  for  high  treafon. 
We  will  a  while  delay  our  embarkation, 
To  bring  this  matter  to  immediate  ifTue : 
So  when  th'  accufer's  falfehood  be  made  known, 
Ye  fhall  come  forth  again,  like  gold  refin'd, 
By  fo  much  brighter  as  fevere  your  trial. 
By  heav'n,  I'd  foonerlofemy  own  right  hand 
Than  any  true  and  loyal  heart  that's  here 
Should  fuffer  by  the  practices  of  treafon. 
Uncle,  a  guard. — Ye  now,  good  firs,  are  prifoners. 

CThe  confpirators  deliver  up  their  Swords.) 

Scroop.  Confiding  in  your  highnefs'  facred  word, 
We  thus  obey  your  pleafure  •,  nothing  doubting 
But  from  your  majefty  we  mall  have  juftice. 

(Scroop,  Cambridge  and  Grey  are  led  off.) 

SCENE    XV.     Apartment  continued. 

King.  Doubt  it  not.     Yes,  ye  fhall  have  ample  juftice. 
Why  that  vile  Mafham  is  deceit  itfelf. 
I  thought  I  fhould  have  fham'd  him  to  confeflion  ; 
But  he  is  proof  I  fee  'gainftall  remorfe, 

Are 


|&  FALSTAFF's  WEDDING, 

Are  thefe  the  afps  I've  cherifn'd  in  my  breaft 

A  nd  warm'd  to  life  to  thank  me  with  their  flings ! 

Go,  uncle  Exeter,  and  fee  them  fafe.  [Exit  Exeter. 

My  brother  Gloucefter,  thou,  to  Sir  John  Faiftaff; 

And  promife  him  our  favour  and  protection. 

Glos.  Faiftaff,  my  liege,  the  (lave  who  fought  your 
life? 

King.  That,  my  good  brother,  was  indeed  his  errand  % 
Hir'd  to  that  end  by  Cambridge,  Scroop,  and  Grey : 
But  he,  tho'  nothing  but  an  outcaft  robber, 
One  that  I  banifh'd  for  his  vicious  courfes^ 
Yet  how  much  better  than  thefe  bofom  friends ! 
He,  brother  Glofter,  play'd  the  villains  falfe, 
And  told  me  all  their  purpofe.     Bring  him  hither. 

[Exit  GlOSTER* 

[Enter  a  Page.] 

Page.  My  liege,    a  reverend  friar,    poll  hafle  froni 
London, 
Defires  admittance  to  your  majefly. 

King.  'Tis  father  Paul :  conduct  him  in.   "•  fc  . 
[Enter  Friar  Paul.] 
Good  father  Paul,  thrice  welcome  to  Southampton. 
We  thank  thee  for  th'  advices  thou  haft  fent  us. 
Thy  love  and  zeal  fhall  not  go  unrepaid. 

Friar.  My  liege,  if  ought  my  poor  abilities 
Can  ferve  your  majefly,  I'm  bound  in  duty  5 
And  in  thofe  fervices  am  well  repaid. 

King.  Friar,  we  thank  thee.     Thou  haft  brought  that 
fcrowl, 
Of  which  thou  gav'ft  us  notice  in  thy  letters. 

Friar.  I  have,  my  liege,  and  with  your  gracious  leave* 
I  would  unfold  the  characters  before  you  ; 
And  fhow  your  majefly  whereon  I  grounded 
My  information  'gainft  the  cenfur'd  peers. 

King.  Another  time  we'll  liilen  to  't  at  large  : 
But  providence  in  their  own  toils  hath  caught  'em, 
And  there  remains  no  doubt  of  their  defection* 

Friar.  Be  all  flich  traitors  timely  thus  betray'd. 

King.  Give  us  thefcroll.  We'll  fee  how  this  will  work; 
My  uncle  York,  go  fetch  the  traitors  in.      [Exit  York< 

Hcav'ns 


FALSTAFF's  WEDDING.  Si 

Heav'ns  what  a  worthy  feeming  wore  thefe  men ! 
How  fmooth  a  face  of  innocence  and  loyalty  ! 
All-gracious  Providence,  what  thanks  are  due 
To  thy  preventing  pow'r  for  our  deliv'rance ! 

SCENE    XVI.     Apartment  continued. 

Enter  York,  with  the  confpirators  guarded. 

King.  My  lords,  thope  you're  arm'd,  in  your  defence, 
With  proofs  as  ftrong  as  thofe  of  your  accufers  : 
For,  whatfoever  love  I  bear  your  perfons, 
I  cannot  wreft  th'  irripartial  hand  of  juftice. 
The  character  of  Falftaff  was  fufpicious ; 
But  here's  a  man,  Fill  forry,  Sirs,  to  find, 
joins  alfo  in  fufpecling  you  of  treafon. 

Scroop.  (Afide.)  How,  father  Paul !  what  dsmon  fent 
him  here  ? 
•   King.  My  lord  of  Cambridge,  know'fl  thou  of  tlfs 

letter  ? 
Look  at  it  well,  and  mark  the  characters. 
Perhaps  lord  Scroop  too  can  decypher  them  ? 
Scroop.  Ha! 
Cam.  Yes,  I  fee  the  hand  of  Heav'n  is  over  us. 

[Aside. 
I  do,  my  liege,  and  thus  upon  my  knees 
Confefs,  and  plead  for  mercy. 

[Cambridge  and  Grey  kneeh 
Sir  T.  Grey.  And  I. 
Scroop.  Fire  and  furies  ! 
What  is  that  fcroll,  my  liege  ?  I  know  it  not. 

King.  Lord  Scroop,  I  fee  thou'lt  brave  it  to  thelaft. 
I  do  believe  thou  know'il  not  much  of  this  •, 
This  friar,  itfeems,  made  bold  to  intercept  it. 

Scroop.  Curfe  on,  the  meddling  prieft,  and  thee,  the 
fool,  [To  Cambridge, 

That  fent  thy  blunderers  on  fuch  an  errand. 
Nay,  fince  all's  loft,  I  boaft  the  treafon  too. 

King.  Thou  more  than  favage,  mod  inhuman  Scroop— • 
Scroop.  Nay,    chide  not,  king,    I  heed  not  thy  re- 
proaches, 

G  I'aik 


82  FALSTAFF'i  WEDDING,  - 

I  afk  no  mercy  •,  for  I  know  thpul't  have  none. 
Thou'rt  fortune's  minion,  and  my  head  is  thine. 
Take  't  when  thou  wilt-r-my  folly  has  undone  me. 
This  fon  of  York  (ten  thoufand  curfes  on  him.)- 


Cam.  I  do  repent  me  :  'twas  indeed  my  caufe, 
And  would  my  life  alone  could  pay  the  forfeit. 

Scroop.  Thy  caufe!  thou  grov'ling  peer!    and  dofl 
thou  think 
I  meant  to  raiie  up  Mortimer  or  thee  ? 
No,  ye  were  only  tools  to  my  ambition, 
That  foar'd  an  higher  pitch.     Think  not,  king  Henry, 
In  hate  of  thee,  I  fought  thy  crown  and  life  i 
Or  that  the  love  I  bore  the  houfe  of  York, 
Taught  me  to  mix  with  fuch  vile  heartlefs  traitors. 
No  :  for  myfelf  alone  I  fought  the  crown, 

Cam.  On  what  pretenfions  ?  thou  ! 

Scroop.  Go  afk  thy  wife, 
Whom  thou  mayft  thank,  when  coming  to  the  blocks 
If  e'er  thou  find'fl  thy  way  from  thence  to  heav'n. 

Cam.  My  wife!  O  villain! 

King.  Lead  the  traitors  hence. 
And  yield  them  to  the  juftice  of  our  laws. 
Where's  Sir  John  Falftaff  ?  (Confpirators  are  led  iff. 

Lord.  Here,  my  liege,  he  comes, 
With  th' duke  of  York. 

[Enter  Duke  of  York  and  Falstaff.] 

King.  Sir  John,  your  former  ills 
Your  later  act  of  loyalty  hath  cancell'd  : 
And,  as  we  hear  you  promife  better  things 
Than  the  loofe  conduct  of  your  former  days, 
As  a  new  man  we  take  thee  to  our  favour. 

Fal.  I  thank  your  gracious  majefty  moft  humbly. 

King.  Nor  do  welefs  refpect  the  ties  of  gratitude: 
Afk  what  thou  wilt,  we  will  repay  thy  fervice. 

Fal.  My  liege,  the  love  I  bear  your  gracious  perfon, 
would  excite  me  to  follow  you  to  thefe  lame  wars ;  but, 
as  I'm  married  and  grown  fomething  round,  I'jn  little  fit 
to  cope  with  rawbon'd  Frenchmen  ',  or  fhijge  again  i*  th' 
bloody  fields  of  Mars.  My  former  deeds  in  arms  your 
highnefs  knows  :  and  I  know  too  you  hold  them  cheap 

enough  : 


FALST  AFP'?'  WEDDING,  83 

enough  :  I  hope  it  will  not  therefore  be  thought  cowardly 
jn  me,  if,  while  the  other  gallant  youth  of  Brittain  are 
reaping  lawrels  in  the  heart  of  France,  I  am  content  to 
kifs  dame  peace  at  home.  Your  m^jefty  will  pleafe  to 
order  me  from  your  Exchequer  a  competency  to  fupport 
the  infirmities  of  nature,  and  the  dignity  of  knighthood. 
Otium  cum  dignitate^  my  liege.— »■  Would  your  majefty  fe* 
cure  me  this,  I  would  make  my  peace  with  the  world,  an4 
Jive  or  die  as  Heav'n  fees  beft,  and  my  wife  will  let  me. 

King.  Thou  haft  thy  wifh  •,  and  now,  my  noble  lords, 
Let  us  prepare  for  France  :  firft  folemn  thanks 
In  all  our  churches  paid  for  our  deliv'rarice. 
The  hand  of  Heav'n,  thus  manjfeftly  mown 
In  this  our  prefervation,  bids  us  hope 
Succefs  will  crown  our  enterprise, 

Exe.  And  proves,  my  liege,  the  juftice  of  that  cauJECj 
Which  Heav'n,  in  thee,  harh  taken  in  protection, 

King.  Right  well  obferv'd,  good  Uncle  Exeter. 
Who  boafts  a  rightful  caufe,  come  what  comf  may, 
Arm'd  for  th'  adventure  of  the  rougheft  day, 
By  juflice  fanctified,  his  fword  and  fhield, 
May  dare  the  perils  of  the  bloodieft  field, 
Boldly  in  providence  may  put  his  truft ; 
|ieav'n  is  our  champion  when  qur  caufe  is  juft. 

[Exeunt  Omnes, 


FINIS. 


s. 


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